8 year old decided she likes dad more than me
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Anonymous
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Hi OP,
What worked for me was DH and toddler taking a Gymboree, then Music Together class, just the 2 of them. DH liked having other dads to hang with and it was a more fun/structured way for him to enjoy the younger DD. While they did that, I had a standing "date" with older DD and would give her 2 choices of activities and let her pick one. When she tried to derail that, while out, we made a list of fun things, put them in a box and she would pick one. So she had input but was not in control. Getting out of the house helped a lot with changing the dynamics. My mom said to treat is as good practice for teen years. If you don't, I'd have a standing monthly or bimonthly date just for you and DH, have a standing sitter or join a babysitting co-op. It's important for that relationship to be nurtured and primary, it's the bedrock of the family. Hang in there! |
Anonymous
Even still, your DH agreed to be the parent of a second child. This is going to be a big problem for your toddler later on if your DH never comes around to being an equal parent in their life. In the meantime, maybe you need to hire a babysitter so you can have some one on one time with your older child since your DH refuses to step up with your toddler. |
Anonymous
| Agree with everyone’s suggestion of fun 1-on-1 time. Doesn’t have to be going out. You can cook dinner together (something she loves) one weekend afternoon while the toddler is napping. And yes, your DH should take toddler to a class for 1-on-1 time. |
Anonymous
| to me it sounds like her dad isn’t present enough for her. You are, be proud of that |
Anonymous
Wow this is messed up |
Anonymous
| Totally normal. At 8 I started taking my DD to Starbucks for a treat and "coffee". Let her talk about whatever and genuinely listen. Now my older DD is 15 and she really prefers me, whe the younger one is all about dad. Just let them have relationships with both of you independently and know that each of you have a place. |
Anonymous
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I’d probably do things that girls-only specific that it'd be fun and impossible for your DH to replicate with DD.
Your DH should not show favoritism of one child. He agreed to two kids and it’s too late to renege. You two should rotate toddler responsibilities evenly. |
Anonymous
| Keep the end goal in mind: you want your kid to be a psychologically healthy, happy adult. One of the greatest gifts you can give your daughter to further that goal is a solid relationship with her dad. I know it’s a tough pill to swallow when she demonstrates a preference, but try to remember that it’s a GOOD thing that she has that relationship and it doesn’t actually subtract from all the good that you give her. just continue to think of ways to show her that you love her whether she returns that affection or not. And Cultivate that relationship between toddler and dad too as much as possible, remembering that fathers often focus on the older until the baby/toddler is a bit more rational. |
Anonymous
Uh …. this is bullshit, OP. He made the kid. He can take care of the kid. Leave the toddler with DH and go do some fun stuff with your 8 year old. |
Anonymous
Yes! Get over yourself. I have three daughters and I also work a lot but am the primary parent. My girls are all daddies girls and I love that for them and him. Sometimes they are more into me and sometimes they are more into him but their relationship (because he’s the opposite gender) is less complicated in my opinion. Just go with it - don’t show emotion (no moping around) don’t be a drama queen (“where’s mommies card!”). Your children are not responsible for your feelings nor are they owed anything because you chose to be the primary parent. Stop the martyr shtick. People have preferences. Your daughter prefers her dad right now. Deal with it! |
Anonymous
+1. So you’re both psychos and you’re still mad your older child prefers her dad? Gotcha 🤮 |
Anonymous
I have to agree. You guys agreed he would just ignore the little one? For how long? That’s crazy I think having a preference can be very normal but it’s happening in the setting of some messed up stuff so I would be worried it’s because she already understands that she has a different relationship with her parents that the younger one does and she’s reacting strongly to that. You have to be the adult and make sure you get time with your oldest op. And your husband has to be a parent to your toddler, not a fun uncle. |
Anonymous
| Keep parenting the right way and continue to treat both the kids equal like you already are. Kids tend to show a preference for one parent and it can change from time to time. |
Anonymous
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Hi OP, i feel your pain and understand what you are saying. I want to point out that your spending time with the toddler may not be the cause of DD's preference for her dad. I have an only DC and also the main parent. DH is very hands off and not around much due to travel. DS prefers DH and while it does sting a bit, i can see why. I'm the one who makes sure homework gets done, reminds DS to brush teeth, have a bath and all the necessary day to day stuff. DH doesn't do any of that stuff - plays with DS once a week but takes him out for some fun stuff once a week or every other week. He doesn't like to correct DS so DS considers him more fun.
I wouldn't let it bother you too much. DC will eventually appreciate all that you are doing. As others have mentioned don't let DD know that it bothers you. I'm sure she loves you too and doesn't realize you are hurt by her preference. |
Anonymous
This. Your DH doesn’t like the toddler stage?! Tough poop. He has a toddler. Geez. He don’t get to just skip parenting o e of his kids. |