Friends who are too Concerned With Privacy...

[Anonymous]

Are you an extrovert OP?

[Anonymous]

The common denominator is you. You are the problem. You are likely nosey and poke and pry. You think you are subtle, but you are not.

You also likely gossip about other people. I think it is HILARIOUS when someone gossips about others for 20 minutes, then asks, “What are you up to?” LOL, oh nothing. You get nothing. No grist for your mill.

Also, the fact that you are on here grousing and gossiping, trying to get attention from total strangers proves you are a busybody. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

This is not a problem…? The bottom line is they can’t meet with you - doesn’t matter if they are just grocery shopping, watching tv alone on the couch, or have a doctors appt. Nothing to get offended by.

[Anonymous]

“Introod,” LOL.

So anyway, there’s nothing incorrect or deceptive about saying you have a prior commitment, then going to the grocery shopping. If that’s what you agreed to do with your time as you and your spouse are dividing up the chores, that’s your prior commitment.

Did you follow her to the grocery store? Were you wearing a fedora and a fake mustache?

[Anonymous]

OP you seem like someone I would respond with either "I have something to do" or claim I can't meet because I need to return library books. Nosy or annoying people just give off a vibe.

[Anonymous]

You’re giving off creepy vibes OP. Read the room.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are like my MIL who always has something to say about everything. If I say I’m going to the grocery, she will ask if I have tried x type of apple or tell me about a new recipe she just made. Every mundane comment results in multiple follow-on questions or a long anecdote. Which grocery? Don’t I find the parking inconvenient that plaza? Did I ever tell you about Lisa . . .

Yes, I realize that’s how conversation works, but in the instances I am describing we are not sitting down with a cup of tea or chatting while we prep dinner together. It’s when I am zipping my coat and managing getting my kids in the car for something time sensitive like a swim lesson or soccer practice. She has no awareness beyond her own schedule and doesn’t get hints when other people are trying to wrap up the exchange.

[Anonymous]

I previously mentioned that I don't inquire about personal details or gossip, and I didn't seek any information. I became aware of their grocery trip because they greeted me at the store. I'm consulting DCUM because I'm frustrated and uncertain how to handle this person when I can't entirely cut off contact.

Moving forward, I'll probably value easy-going individuals much more. I believe the issue lies with me for being consistently gracious and polite without ever addressing this person's behavior.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others that if you find a friend behaving evasively around you, and it turns out the stuff they are hiding is really normal (like going to the grocery store) odds are good that you have a conversational style or personality they find overly invasive and are trying to avoid something.

Could be that they know you are the sort to say "oh I'll just come to the grocery store with you and then we can chat" and they don't want that so they are very vague.

Could be they know you will ask them a million questions about it (which grocery store, how do get there, do you shop weekly or more often, are you making something specific, have you tried this recipe website, etc. etc.) and don't want to answer them so they are vague.

Could be they think you are gossipy and overly nosy and likely to share anything they say with others, and don't really want you running off to tell other people "Ugh I asked Carla out for coffee and she said she couldn't because she had to go to the grocery store. How lame is that? She's so anti-social, she never wants to do anything."

[Anonymous]

I think you are too nosey op.

[Anonymous]

How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

[Anonymous]

If friends or family members are prone to gossip and smack talk behind my back, I cut the flow of personal information. They can’t be trusted with it.

For example, if I tell someone I have a doctor appointment and they tell other people and speculate and talk to other people about my health, etc. I just stop feeding them personal info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

I can't speak for OP but prior commitment sounds a bit extra when referring to grocery shopping which isn't a fixed appointment. If I used that as my reason to decline and then ran into the person at the grocery store I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I said I was busy or had stuff to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

I can't speak for OP but prior commitment sounds a bit extra when referring to grocery shopping which isn't a fixed appointment. If I used that as my reason to decline and then ran into the person at the grocery store I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I said I was busy or had stuff to do.

Yes, it's the friend who is being "extra" in this situation, and not OP

[Anonymous]

Your problem is the words they're using, do I have that correct?

Instead of the formal "I have a prior commitment", which is a bit much when referring to grocery shopping, you want them to tell you "I'm grocery shopping" or "I'm running errands" and furthermore, you want them to add that they do want to see you, or talk to you, later?

They sound overly formal and you sound overly needy. Not a good match, is it?