How much does a contested divorce actually cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$250k in Maryland so far. I have no idea what ex-w has paid but it's less than that. Her only offer was 0/100, but in the end I got 50/50 kids and assets but had to fight over ever bit of it.

A friend of mine had a divorce in Maryland just like OP's. The legal fees were not very expensive because he offered her a huge bribe--an upfront settlement plus generous child support and alimony--to accept 50-50. His lawyer told her lawyer, "take it or leave it, if you don't accept this generous offer we'll spend the next two years in court." He got to keep the house, and paid her half of the equity, and they stayed out of court.

It was interesting that she was willing to "sell off" time with her children for cash. When the kids got older they chose to only live with their dad.

If she gave him full custody, it would be selling off the kids. Women demand 100% custody for the child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contested? You cheated ?

Op here. Nobody cheated. He doesn’t want to get divorced. And I need a lawyer not mediation to make sure I get a fair deal. We have three kids.

Hire a lawyer to review your mediation agreement. You don't need to start with a laywer. Or do a consult with a lawyer first and then mediate. A contested divorce is stupid. You are literally giving your assets to attorneys. You can get a fair deal without doing a contested divorce.

I have a friend going down the litigious path and has spent more than 50k so far, it has almost been 3 years, nothing has been resolved. She will spend much more.

I know people who have spent more than 100k. You are not going to get a massively better outcome fighting. In fact, you might spend 100k and end up with the same result. Don't be stupid. 50/50 custody. Split marital assets. Nothing to fight over.

-a divorced woman who divorced an attorney with two kids (mediated)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how contentious and whether you have kids. Your numbers sound really low for a contested divorce.

How much did it cost you? We have three kids. He doesn’t want to get divorced. So contentious in that he said “if you do this I will make sure you get nothing”. Which I mean he can’t do that because we have no prenup and we have kids but that gives you an idea of his mindset.

My ex (who is also an attorney) said that, too. We mediated. I took less than my fair share. But you can just do 50/50 assets and custody. That is fair. You are not going to get more. He won't get more either. Very common for someone who does not want to divorce to make these threats.

[Anonymous]

My ex said that too but then reneged. We divided assets ourselves and had a lawyer write them up. Total cost was about $1,000. Much better than wasting time and money in court.

[Anonymous]

Why not just get separated? Why do you need a divorce?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand women that make pennies and have 3 kids. Why wouldn't you want to hold onto that money if you could?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand women that make pennies and have 3 kids. Why wouldn't you want to hold onto that money if you could?

I would think about it another way. How bad must things be that a woman with 3 kids and little financial security is looking to divorce rather than sucking it up and staying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$250k in Maryland so far. I have no idea what ex-w has paid but it's less than that. Her only offer was 0/100, but in the end I got 50/50 kids and assets but had to fight over ever bit of it.

A friend of mine had a divorce in Maryland just like OP's. The legal fees were not very expensive because he offered her a huge bribe--an upfront settlement plus generous child support and alimony--to accept 50-50. His lawyer told her lawyer, "take it or leave it, if you don't accept this generous offer we'll spend the next two years in court." He got to keep the house, and paid her half of the equity, and they stayed out of court.

It was interesting that she was willing to "sell off" time with her children for cash. When the kids got older they chose to only live with their dad.

Alternatively her lawyer told her 50/50 was a likely outcome so she should take the money that was offered. Seems like a rational outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 kids? What is so bad that you want a divorce and he doesn’t ? Have you truly exhausted all options of working on the marriage?

3 kids. Enough said,

I will never understand comments like this. You have no idea what people go through. I just don’t get it when people seem to not understand that not everyone’s marriage is happy. Try to see things outside of your own life. It’s a privilege that you can’t understand why someone would want to get divorced with 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Overall I am fine with 50/50 of the marital assets. But he can’t take 50% custody with his job. He is literally never home. He would have to hire a nanny. He would likely only take the kids on weekends/maybe one weeknight a week if he could swing it (but I doubt he would even want to). So it’s likely going to be 70/30 situation. Don’t get me wrong-I’d love if he would take 50 but he won’t. I will go back to work full time. But it will take me a lot longer to move up in my career now since it was always me having to “be flexible”. And I’m done. So yes-I want some short term alimony for giving up my career possibilities for his. We have been married 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Overall I am fine with 50/50 of the marital assets. But he can’t take 50% custody with his job. He is literally never home. He would have to hire a nanny. He would likely only take the kids on weekends/maybe one weeknight a week if he could swing it (but I doubt he would even want to). So it’s likely going to be 70/30 situation. Don’t get me wrong-I’d love if he would take 50 but he won’t. I will go back to work full time. But it will take me a lot longer to move up in my career now since it was always me having to “be flexible”. And I’m done. So yes-I want some short term alimony for giving up my career possibilities for his. We have been married 20 years.

That does sound reasonable. I hope you mediate successfully, OP.

[Anonymous]

300k each.
Other spouse had deeper pockets and access to outside money, plus a personality disorder.
Every issue was contested, including 50/50 custody.
aka exact recipe for costly divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Overall I am fine with 50/50 of the marital assets. But he can’t take 50% custody with his job. He is literally never home. He would have to hire a nanny. He would likely only take the kids on weekends/maybe one weeknight a week if he could swing it (but I doubt he would even want to). So it’s likely going to be 70/30 situation. Don’t get me wrong-I’d love if he would take 50 but he won’t. I will go back to work full time. But it will take me a lot longer to move up in my career now since it was always me having to “be flexible”. And I’m done. So yes-I want some short term alimony for giving up my career possibilities for his. We have been married 20 years.

With a 20 year marriage you are entitled to lifetime alimony in some states.

[Anonymous]

Mine cost me about $36K. We did not litigate. It was an abusive marriage. He did not want custody of a young child (too much work and would impinge on his earning) and there was negative information about him that he did not want made public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Maryland? I saw a post the other day that it cost someone 180k. I work part time and although I have a little savings my husband makes high six figures and my income is basically Pennies compared to his. How the heck am I suppose to pay for a lawyer? I had done some research and saw that it would be around 15-20k and sort of had that number in my mind. And now I’m freaking out. I have my first consult with a lawyer next week so of course I’m going to ask but I’m curious…how much did your divorce cost you?

Cost me about $20,000. But saved me about $500,000 in alimony payments. So worth it.