Why does my mother minimize me in favor of praising my husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Internalized misogyny

+1 Men are to be pandered to and women ignored.

[Anonymous]

My mother has called me to ask my husband questions… about MY area of professional expertise.
“Mom, why do you want his opinion? I do this for a living.”
“Well, I know he reads a lot.”

[Anonymous]

Tell me you're Italian without telling me you're Italian!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother has called me to ask my husband questions… about MY area of professional expertise.
“Mom, why do you want his opinion? I do this for a living.”
“Well, I know he reads a lot.”

My mom used to do the same. He would always direct her back to me and then she would quickly end the call. Weird.

[Anonymous]

She's picking him as the golden child scapegoating you again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Praise the man, blame the woman. She probably grew up with the schematic and replicates it without even realizing it.

+1

MIL does this, too - jump for the sons in law, dismiss the daughters in law. It is a dynamic based on misogyny and self hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Praise the man, blame the woman. She probably grew up with the schematic and replicates it without even realizing it.

+1

MIL does this, too - jump for the sons in law, dismiss the daughters in law. It is a dynamic based on misogyny and self hate.

* literally, jump - which looks as crazy as it sounds, but provides some good entertainment.

[Anonymous]

I will do all the legwork on a situation with my mom’s lawyer or financial advisor. DH knows nothing about it because he hasn’t been involved, but she asks for his opinion and won’t let it go until he says “sounds good”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will do all the legwork on a situation with my mom’s lawyer or financial advisor. DH knows nothing about it because he hasn’t been involved, but she asks for his opinion and won’t let it go until he says “sounds good”.

Why do you bother? Just have her ask him to do it.

[Anonymous]

My mother does the same. She'll tell me about a problem she has, I'll give her sound advice, she doesn't acknowledge what I said, "maybe [DH] would know."

Several factors (generational misogyny, doesn't accept that I am a capable adult, places higher value on others outside of our family).

[Anonymous]

That is odd.

Does she have a crush on your DH? That sounds like an older woman’s way of flirting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will do all the legwork on a situation with my mom’s lawyer or financial advisor. DH knows nothing about it because he hasn’t been involved, but she asks for his opinion and won’t let it go until he says “sounds good”.

+100

[Anonymous]

Is your DH hot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me you're Italian without telling me you're Italian!

+100 Although, I do think sometimes the flattery and aggrandizement is meant to support the wife- grease the social wheel to further future Italian family enmeshment. I do it a little with my daughter’s boyfriend, but if he doesn’t propose soon… he’s dead to me. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me you're Italian without telling me you're Italian!

+100 Although, I do think sometimes the flattery and aggrandizement is meant to support the wife- grease the social wheel to further future Italian family enmeshment. I do it a little with my daughter’s boyfriend, but if he doesn’t propose soon… he’s dead to me. 😂

? I understand you are making a joke but it's still Greek to me.