Anyone else feel bad about how much they love being alone?

[Anonymous]

No, and it's kind of weird that you do. You may want to talk to someone about that. I'm being serious - ruining your alone time with thoughts of guilt isn't healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here. I'm somewhat introverted, and I have 2 very extroverted young DDs. They LOVE to talk, and they thrive on constant activity and being on-the-go. I also work full-time, and my situation at work has become very demanding and high-stress over the past 6 months. DH is extremely introverted and prefers to be left completely alone, so 90% of kid/house stuff falls to me. I'm mentally exhausted and would give just about anything for a weekend away to reset, but I can't even seem to manage an afternoon. My parents visited for Christmas and occupied the girls for 2 hours while I ran some last-minute errands, and it was bliss to be alone in the car just running from store to store.
I love my girls more than anything, and I feel so guilty about craving time to myself before I burn out.
DH used to take our older DD out for a few hours every other weekend or so, to the playground or something similar, but he stopped doing that once our younger DD was born. I remember loving the time and peace to curl up on the couch with a good book.

Seriously? Why? Where is the guilt coming from?

[Anonymous]

No, I don’t feel guilty. It’s how I am wired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. I'm somewhat introverted, and I have 2 very extroverted young DDs. They LOVE to talk, and they thrive on constant activity and being on-the-go. I also work full-time, and my situation at work has become very demanding and high-stress over the past 6 months. DH is extremely introverted and prefers to be left completely alone, so 90% of kid/house stuff falls to me. I'm mentally exhausted and would give just about anything for a weekend away to reset, but I can't even seem to manage an afternoon. My parents visited for Christmas and occupied the girls for 2 hours while I ran some last-minute errands, and it was bliss to be alone in the car just running from store to store.
I love my girls more than anything, and I feel so guilty about craving time to myself before I burn out.
DH used to take our older DD out for a few hours every other weekend or so, to the playground or something similar, but he stopped doing that once our younger DD was born. I remember loving the time and peace to curl up on the couch with a good book.

Seriously? Why? Where is the guilt coming from?

PP. I feel guilty because I'm the only parent that actively engages with the kids, and both of them thrive off of engagement. If DH is left in charge, 9 times out of 10 he entertains himself by watching videos on his phone and handing the girls an iPad the entire time I'm away. Between work and his online gaming habit, he's in front of screens all day, and he doesn't see a problem with the kids doing the same. I'm certainly not anti-screen, but he seems to have developed a complete lack of ability to actually do anything with them that doesn't involve parking them in front of a screen.
So then I return, and both girls practically beg me to fix them dinner/snack, play a board game, read a book, take them outside, etc...because he is completely disengaged, although physically present. Older DD (7yo) has repeatedly told me that she doesn't like it when I leave, because DH won't interact with them at all.

[Anonymous]

I love being alone so much. DH just took the kids to see his parents for a few days. I had friends reaching out to see if I wanted to go out, since he was away. No. I have no desire to go out. Silence. A clean house. My only decision is where to get take out and what few simple foods to keep in the house.

I can hear myself think. I can taste my food. I can watch one show without interruption.

I don't feel guilty that that is what I want. But I feel a little guilty to not be participating in his family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, and have 2 boys (8 and 10). They are both super high energy and my job is nuts. Obviously I feel so lucky to have them but.... I LOVE being alone. I am SO HAPPY when dh takes them to go and do something when we are on vacation or on the weekend and I can just.. sit. I sometimes feel that I am TOO happy about alone time and that this makes me a bad parent. Even when dh goes to bed before me sometimes - like now. I am SO HAPPY to just have 15 mins to be a human alone. anyone else?

You may be an introvert. Introverts recharge when they are alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, and have 2 boys (8 and 10). They are both super high energy and my job is nuts. Obviously I feel so lucky to have them but.... I LOVE being alone. I am SO HAPPY when dh takes them to go and do something when we are on vacation or on the weekend and I can just.. sit. I sometimes feel that I am TOO happy about alone time and that this makes me a bad parent. Even when dh goes to bed before me sometimes - like now. I am SO HAPPY to just have 15 mins to be a human alone. anyone else?

I love it too, when my DH takes my girls out to a park and ice cream. I can breathe, chill, eat something and think for a second. I love being alone too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. And im a massive extrovert. If DH dies or we get divorced my fantasy is to be alone the rest of my life. I do not understand affairs. The last thing I want is more people.

SAME

I couldn’t have said it better!

I'm another one!

[Anonymous]

YES! I have always loved to be alone, even when I was a kid. But, of course, being a "good parent" means being engaged and attentive. Also, being a "good spouse" means making time together as a couple. And having work-from-the-office job means I spend my days interacting with coworkers and clients. So by the time I get through a day, I've basically only had my time in the shower to myself, and that's only if I get up early enough that my kids aren't awake yet.

And, of course, I want time with my kids and time with my spouse, so it feels like any time I take ALONE is necessarily being carved out of that family time that I also want. Hence, the guilt.

But, then I get cranky during family time if I haven't gotten enough alone time, and nobody wants that.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you feel guilty because the alternative is bad (your husband doesn’t do a good job caring for the kids) not because you don’t spend time with them or something.

Can you hire a regular babysitter for Saturday mornings or something? Like a really engaged teenager? So you can actually enjoy your time off. I have done this in the past even if my husband is home but needs to work. My daughter looooves this but my son doesn’t so I would use it to take him places and it was a real win/win. I handle the noise of one kid way better than 2 (especially when they argue).

And yes I’m am an introvert and I love being alone. I hate giving up too much of my alone time when the kids are sleeping to my husband. He doesn’t have the same needs so I know he feels rejected when I tell him I really need to be silent and alone for 30 minutes.