DD 14 has a NYE birthday but despises it; DH dislikes NYE and says how depressing it is with the New Year

[Anonymous]

It's pretty normal to not have a celebration on your actual birthday like when it falls in the middle of the week or during a holiday break. Plan a party for early 2024. Make her favorite food and celebrate her at home on her actual birthday.

[Anonymous]

NYE birthday seems like the perfect time to have a big party 2 for 1 kind of thing. But, you'd have to plan it out way in advance (months) and have people RSVP. Can you plan sowmthing for her and her closest friends early in the day? Even lunch together might make her feel better.

[Anonymous]

Do overnight or two-day trips somewhere, or else go away from 12/26 or 12/27 to the 1st.

[Anonymous]

NYE birthday as well, it gets worse with age. I was stood up a couple times in my 20s. Embarrassing and hurtful bc it NYE and your Birthday. It is better after kids when your Birthday doesn’t matter anymore.

[Anonymous]

My spouse and our kids have birthdays at the height of summer when no one is ever around to have a birthday party. My spouse says that growing up his family went on vacation the week of his birthday and he got a piece of cake at restaurant (sometimes with one candle) to celebrate.

For our kids, I would try to arrange a party weeks later -- or pull in neighborhood kids for a quick birthday cake, anyone want cake? It was impromptu.

What I find is that my spouse and young adult kids do not make a big deal about their birthdays. In fact, they relish the non-attention of not having a big, blow-out birthday party with 50 people.

I would tell your husband to stop saying how much he hates NYE. It's like saying he doesn't like his kid, or she might interpret it that way. Oh, God...we have to celebrate NYE and our kid? That's not a message you want to send to her.

[Anonymous]

You've gone 14 years without figuring out that holiday birthdays need a "friends party" at a totally different time than the actual day?!?

Throw a party in mid-January, when there's nothing going on. Make it a big bash. On the actual day of her birthday, have a small, family-only celebration.

Done.

PS: your husband is an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Hating your child’s birthday is unacceptable! Really gross in fact. Terrible for the child. Honestly, if he is like this, I would never allow him around the child for her birthday. So incredibly selfish.

I have a NYE birthday. It is tough. As a child, I always had sleepovers with anyone around. Making the celebration in house is always best.

But with such a horrible father, I guess your kid is screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get over wanting friends to give her attention on the actual day. One of my kids has a birthday that often falls on a holiday and it’s been common to celebrate with friends a month or more later.

As for the actual day, we tell our son he can pick whatever he wants for dinner. That can be a restaurant, take out or I make something. Do that.

+1

One road to unhappiness is basing our happiness on the actions of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She doesn’t necessarily want the party but the appreciation from friends on the actual day. Her friend group is very centered around what they do for the friend on their actual birthdate. But when it comes to hers people are just more dispersed. They aren’t a sleepover group or large birthday party group but the calls and celebration over the iPads or in school on that day is what she misses I think.

The same thing happens with summer birthdays for younger kids.

Your kid is getting old for a “party” but I think you should start encouraging her to have a small get together mid-January - you treat her and a few friends to dinner and a movie or something else. Maybe end at your house for cake.

The day of - maybe stop celebrating New Year’s Eve and focus the days- or most of the day on her birthday. Go out for lunch. Find something g fun to do. Maybe ask your relatives to text her happy birthday (not the same as friends, but it gives her some attention).

[Anonymous]

My son has an early January birthday so we do something family only on the day of and then plan a friend party either at the end of January or even in February. Last year we ended up having to move it to February because someone got Covid. It worked out and was less stress!

[Anonymous]

Is your DD happy the rest of the year or are there other issues? I ask because my DH is like this and he has anxiety and depression. He would never be satisfied with just celebrating his birthday on another day but instead would remain stuck on the fact that people have other plans in his actual birthday.

[Anonymous]

Your husband's attitude is definitely impacting this. He needs to suck it up and never complain about NYE again.

Your DD is being a little bit of a diva brat about it, given that other people's attention should not be so important to her, but she is 14, so it is what it is. If this attitude were brand new I would chalk it up to the age, but if she has been acting this way for years about her birthday, then she may have some bratty attention seeking tendencies.

I do find it odd that her friends are not interested in a party or sleepover for NYE at age 14. That is prime time to want to do something other than sit at home with your parents on NYE and I would think the parents of her friends would be keen for free babysitting on NYE to either go out themselves or have a kid free NYE at home.....so something is odd about this in general.

[Anonymous]

Do Christmas Eve and Xmas morning at home and then leave for a trip Xmas afternoon. Come back on New Years Day. Gives you about a week out of town.

[Anonymous]

So many NYE babies! I have one too and he loves that he never has to go to school on his birthday. We almost always do a family only day on the 31st. Sometimes it works to do a party if it's a year where there's a weekend after new year's before they go back to school.

But really, I've never understood people who get so worked up about their birthday. It's best to learn not to need all the validation and attention from other people. Welcome it the years it works out and be content in your own skin the years it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is also a NYE birthday. He seems content as long as his friends text happy b-day today. We focus on celebrating as a family on his actual b-day and do the friend celebration before or after, similar to how his friends with August birthdays approach theirs.

I suspect NYE kids will end up loving their birthdays once they get older and start going out for NYE. There’s always so much going on and your friends are all free to party that night, with almost nobody having to work the next day.

No. Everyone is out partying, but not for any particular individual’s birthday.