DD 14 has a NYE birthday but despises it; DH dislikes NYE and says how depressing it is with the New Year

[Anonymous]

He does not like the countdowns to the New Year and feels it is depressing to go into the New Year without knowing what will happen during the year. She started to express how she dislikes her birthday about two years ago and it’s just a sad day to her because no one is in town for her birthday and she doesn’t hear from her friends and they never want to get together on the day because of other plans. I’ve raised that we could go out of town for her birthday but she desires to have Christmas in her own home which makes it a little harder to get away to someplace exciting enough to be back before school starts up again in two days.

The last times she was able to have a party on her birthday she was about 5/6 yo. After that everyone had plans and was unable to join on 12/31 so her day was spent with our small immediate family.

Is there any way to make her birthday special for her? Or a happier occasion?

We tried to coordinate friends for the weekend, to no avail. Parents were busy and sleepovers are just not a thing in her friend group.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a Dec. 31 birthday and we just to her party two weeks before or two weeks after. Her party this year is Jan. 13. Why be so focused on “the day” and just make the party whenever you think people will be able to go? That way you get a home celebration and a celebration with friends.

[Anonymous]

Celebrate the half birthday or a couple of months after the actual day. We do this for my late December baby. Tell your husband to be mindful of what he says around your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Just celebrate another day. What's the big deal.

Also it sounds like your kid really drives things in your house. Why should she get to decide whether you go on vacation or not over christmas?

[Anonymous]

oh i hate nye myself so I get it from your DH but if it was my kids birthday, you'd better believe I'd love it! Sounds like you need to maybe plan either a short trip somewhere with one friend? or just suck it up and do the party after. They will love having a NYE birthday when they turn 21! lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a Dec. 31 birthday and we just to her party two weeks before or two weeks after. Her party this year is Jan. 13. Why be so focused on “the day” and just make the party whenever you think people will be able to go? That way you get a home celebration and a celebration with friends.

This, and also DH needs to pull it together if it's DD birthday. Suck it up - she is absorbing his bad attitude about it being a sad day or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Op here. She doesn’t necessarily want the party but the appreciation from friends on the actual day. Her friend group is very centered around what they do for the friend on their actual birthdate. But when it comes to hers people are just more dispersed. They aren’t a sleepover group or large birthday party group but the calls and celebration over the iPads or in school on that day is what she misses I think.

[Anonymous]

I mean… she’s going to have to learn to suck it up. It’s a basic calendar thing. My DD’s birthday is in mid-August and very few are around because that is prime vacay week right after camps end before school starts.

Also, I don’t understand why her friends can’t call even if they are on vacation.

[Anonymous]

DS is also a NYE birthday. He seems content as long as his friends text happy b-day today. We focus on celebrating as a family on his actual b-day and do the friend celebration before or after, similar to how his friends with August birthdays approach theirs.

I suspect NYE kids will end up loving their birthdays once they get older and start going out for NYE. There’s always so much going on and your friends are all free to party that night, with almost nobody having to work the next day.

[Anonymous]

This is a framing problem.

My kid’s birthday is Dec 30. We travel every year for her birthday and have have since very young. Plenty of time between Christmas and school starting to travel. And we are always home for Christmas.

She has a party or now that she is older a gathering with friends in January. She loves her birthday because we’re always some place fun traveling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She doesn’t necessarily want the party but the appreciation from friends on the actual day. Her friend group is very centered around what they do for the friend on their actual birthdate. But when it comes to hers people are just more dispersed. They aren’t a sleepover group or large birthday party group but the calls and celebration over the iPads or in school on that day is what she misses I think.

Life isn’t always fair I guess. She can sit around focused on what she doesn’t have or your family can make some fun traditions on your own. I say this as a summer birthday person from back in the olden days where everyone dispersed for summer and a summer birthday meant hearing from almost no one except at a party if you had one.

[Anonymous]

She needs to get over wanting friends to give her attention on the actual day. One of my kids has a birthday that often falls on a holiday and it’s been common to celebrate with friends a month or more later.

As for the actual day, we tell our son he can pick whatever he wants for dinner. That can be a restaurant, take out or I make something. Do that.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has an NYE bday too - and so far no issues (she's 9 today). She likes her bday.

I think you could do a shorter family trip over New Years, and you could celebrate her bday with friends either before winter break or after.

My other kids have non-holiday birthdays, so it's basically never an option to have a party on their actual bday especially if it's a week day. The way it has been in my family is that we have a friend party near the actual bday on the most convenient day and then the actual bday is usually just a special meal and cake with our immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get over wanting friends to give her attention on the actual day. One of my kids has a birthday that often falls on a holiday and it’s been common to celebrate with friends a month or more later.

As for the actual day, we tell our son he can pick whatever he wants for dinner. That can be a restaurant, take out or I make something. Do that.

+1. This need for lots of attention on her birthday is going to set her up for a long life of unhappiness. How old is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get over wanting friends to give her attention on the actual day. One of my kids has a birthday that often falls on a holiday and it’s been common to celebrate with friends a month or more later.

As for the actual day, we tell our son he can pick whatever he wants for dinner. That can be a restaurant, take out or I make something. Do that.

+1. This need for lots of attention on her birthday is going to set her up for a long life of unhappiness. How old is she?

Read the subject line! The kid is 14.