AITA if DW and I agreed on no Christmas gifts but I get her some anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The collectible is less than $50 and the other items is slightly more than $100 so they aren't big purchases at all.

The ladies on DCUM (most of ya'll anyway) have been like a private relationship/marriage consultant. Super helpful to gain secret insider insight.

This is what I would recommend to avoid having her feel guilty or trapped by unexpected gifts. I would feel awful if my spouse got me something and I didn't get them anything. But this is me.
Give one to her on the eve of Christmas eve (the 23rd) so she has the chance to reciprocate or maybe a New Years gift.
But it is super sweet that you found these items.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the relationship. I would be fine with it - thought I'd immediately get him something. My husband always ou gifts me, so I've given up.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your relationship.

Assuming she hasn’t told you before that this upsets her, and assuming she’s not often angry that you spend more money, it would be a net positive.

I would mention it to her now as an aside — I know we said no presents, but I found something perfect and it’s really small. I do not expect anything at all from you. Just hope that you won’t be bothered if I give this to you on Christmas.

[Anonymous]

I'd feel extremely unheard and the money would matter to me because I've already told you what I wanted the money to go to. Shared goals are very important to me and this would feel undermining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The collectible is less than $50 and the other items is slightly more than $100 so they aren't big purchases at all.

The ladies on DCUM (most of ya'll anyway) have been like a private relationship/marriage consultant. Super helpful to gain secret insider insight.

Oh heavens! Please don't follow their advice

I try to use good discretion on who to listen to

[Anonymous]

She can give him a bj later!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd feel extremely unheard and the money would matter to me because I've already told you what I wanted the money to go to. Shared goals are very important to me and this would feel undermining.

Agreed. I would feel immediate pressure to go out and buy something, which would be stressful. Why even make these agreements if you’re going to ignore them.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids and will other people be there when you exchange gifts? If there are other people there and your kids are old enough to notice mommy didn't get anything for daddy, I would save the gifts to be opened in private.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We will be with family when we exchange gifts so I think I'll give the collectible privately on Christmas Eve and save the larger gift for a little later (our anniversary is shortly after Christmas), unless she's the A__hole and ends up surprising me with a gift also 😆.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We will be with family when we exchange gifts so I think I'll give the collectible privately on Christmas Eve and save the larger gift for a little later (our anniversary is shortly after Christmas), unless she's the A__hole and ends up surprising me with a gift also 😆.

Great plan!

[Anonymous]

I’d initially be slightly annoyed, then feel guilty, but not enough to not enjoy the gifts and the thought! I would love the thought and the effort! Then would remember that I do nice things for my husband throughout the year just to be nice. And then I’d probably give him a beejer or a back rub to show my appreciation!

[Anonymous]

Just be sure to say beforehand, "I know we agreed not to get anything, but I hope you don't mind that these occurred to me and I wanted to get them for you. If you want we can save them until after Christmas..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d initially be slightly annoyed, then feel guilty, but not enough to not enjoy the gifts and the thought! I would love the thought and the effort! Then would remember that I do nice things for my husband throughout the year just to be nice. And then I’d probably give him a beejer or a back rub to show my appreciation!

You're the second person to mention a bj so I'll interpret that as overwhelming consensus from you ladies that it'd be a fair trade! Now, I feel justified in suggesting she can do that she wants to absolve any bit of guilt

I'm kidding for the few that won't realize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The collectible is less than $50 and the other items is slightly more than $100 so they aren't big purchases at all.

The ladies on DCUM (most of ya'll anyway) have been like a private relationship/marriage consultant. Super helpful to gain secret insider insight.

Oh heavens! Please don't follow their advice

Also, coming back to this one, I already have followed their advice on so many topics and it's been like a cheat-code to marriage.

[Anonymous]

This is super nice and thoughtful. I would be thrilled. It sounds like something she really wants. Just explain beforehand.