AITA if DW and I agreed on no Christmas gifts but I get her some anyway

[Anonymous]

This wasn't an intentional jerk move on my part, I promise.

A few weeks ago, DW and I agreed that we weren't going to get each other gifts for Christmas because we'd rather put the money towards experiences and things for our new house. However, over the last couple of days, I figured out two things that I'm pretty sure she'd like for Christmas. One is a rare (but not expensive) collectible she tried to buy herself that was sold out everywhere, but I was able to find it online (I've already bought it to make sure it doesn't sell out again). The second is something that I didn't know existed until two days but I know she would use a lot.

It wouldn't bother me at all if she doesn't get me something but I don't want her to feel bad if I get her something and she doesn't reciprocate. Should I tell her in advance I decided to get her a couple of gifts or just wait until after Christmas?

[Anonymous]

If I were your wife, my temporary guilt would not mar my enjoyment of the gifts, provided they were inexpensive, as you say, since the goal it to save for bigger purchases in the future.

You're a thoughtful husband. Don't say anything before Christmas.

[Anonymous]

It’s totally fine. As long as you don’t appear at all disappointed when she doesn’t get you anything, and as long as she isn’t hypersensitive to this kind of thing, she will love it. The collectible sounds awesome. So thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

I think it's nice, provided they still fit your goals together. Which was saving $$ for other stuff. So if they are inexpensive, I think its totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's nice, provided they still fit your goals together. Which was saving $$ for other stuff. So if they are inexpensive, I think its totally fine.

This. DH has broken the “deal” not to get each other gifts with small special things over the years and it’s fine. So have I! The deal removes the pressure.

[Anonymous]

The collectible is less than $50 and the other items is slightly more than $100 so they aren't big purchases at all.

The ladies on DCUM (most of ya'll anyway) have been like a private relationship/marriage consultant. Super helpful to gain secret insider insight.

[Anonymous]

Its nice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The collectible is less than $50 and the other items is slightly more than $100 so they aren't big purchases at all.

The ladies on DCUM (most of ya'll anyway) have been like a private relationship/marriage consultant. Super helpful to gain secret insider insight.

Oh heavens! Please don't follow their advice

[Anonymous]

I think it’s nice but would give it to her quietly - ie not at gift openings to take the pressure off her so she doesn’t feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Could you save it for Valentines Day or her birthday?

[Anonymous]

This is exactly what dh and I do. We don't want gifts, but appreciate small sentimental things like this. If I got nothing, I'd be happy. If I got a sentimental gift I'd be happy too.

My joy on Christmas comes from being surrounded by family and watching my kids opening presents.

[Anonymous]

I'll be the dissenting voice here.

The deal was no presents, not presents as long as they're under 200 dollars. Don't blindside her with gifts and leave her stressed about not having any for you. Save them for her birthday. Or Valentine's day.

[Anonymous]

I might mention that you found something perfect for her so she does have time to get you something before Xmas

[Anonymous]

Can you save one for her birthday or Valentine’s Day? I think breaking the no gifts rule is ok for one exception, but two might make her feel self-conscious

[Anonymous]

I think it’s really sweet and thoughtful. I’m tough to buy presents for and if you did this for me I’d be really touched. You put thought in the presents and you sound considerate and loving.