Teacher favorites

[Anonymous]

Teach her life isn't fair but also to advocate for herself. Role play how to go to the teacher and ask if she can help. Be sure it's not in a complaining manner, but in a useful way.
"Can I help with the calendar this week?" or is "is there a way I can earn helping with line leading?"

I would not talk to the teacher. And the reading comment doesn't seem off to me unless the tone was really off. I like to know where my kid is compared to others in the class and how hard we need to be working at home.

[Anonymous]

My kid's kindergarten class was just like this. It was a rough year for her and I get why it's frustrating -- kindergarten is your kid's introduction to elementary school, and when it isn't going well, it feels like it is setting you up for a lot of problems moving forward.

But I also agree with other posters that you have to view it as an opportunity for your daughter to learn skills for dealing with unfair situations and favoritism in school. Some things I did that I think helped:
- Acknowledge when things are unfair and acknowledge that her feeling "this is unfair" is okay.
- Share stories from your own life of when you had to deal with favoritism or unfair. I found she responded better to me sharing memories from my childhood rather than more contemporary examples, because it was easier for her to relate to them.
- Ask her how she would run the classroom if she were the teacher. This one can be fun and is a good way to pivot from complaining about unfairness without saying stuff like "it's not so bad" or "it will get better," which may or may not be true.

1st grade we got a teacher who was a lot more inclusive and thoughtful about this stuff, which has served as a useful reset. But I'm sure she'll encounter more favoritism and unfairness in school and in life. While that year was not fun for her (or for me), in retrospect I do think it was a good growth experience and helped her become a more mature, resilient person.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid read chapter books and write before attending public k. He learned all these at pre-k. I have another kid can't read any board books at public-k. I am worried but public teachers tell me that it is NORMAL that kindergarteners come in not knowing how to read or write. Well, public school is wrong, and that kid is struggling with reading and learning later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's kindergarten class was just like this. It was a rough year for her and I get why it's frustrating -- kindergarten is your kid's introduction to elementary school, and when it isn't going well, it feels like it is setting you up for a lot of problems moving forward.

But I also agree with other posters that you have to view it as an opportunity for your daughter to learn skills for dealing with unfair situations and favoritism in school. Some things I did that I think helped:
- Acknowledge when things are unfair and acknowledge that her feeling "this is unfair" is okay.
- Share stories from your own life of when you had to deal with favoritism or unfair. I found she responded better to me sharing memories from my childhood rather than more contemporary examples, because it was easier for her to relate to them.
- Ask her how she would run the classroom if she were the teacher. This one can be fun and is a good way to pivot from complaining about unfairness without saying stuff like "it's not so bad" or "it will get better," which may or may not be true.

1st grade we got a teacher who was a lot more inclusive and thoughtful about this stuff, which has served as a useful reset. But I'm sure she'll encounter more favoritism and unfairness in school and in life. While that year was not fun for her (or for me), in retrospect I do think it was a good growth experience and helped her become a more mature, resilient person.

Op. Thank you for this comment. Good and practical advice! Unfortunately life isn’t fair all the time but we can try to be fair in our interactions. I also think we had the situation of my DD really connecting with her prek teacher and less so with this one. Which is fine, we don’t always connect with everyone.

[Anonymous]

If you want an honest answer:

Yes this is unfair, but it’s life. Something you can do without telling DD is reach out to the teacher and thank her for a great start to kindergarten and ask if there’s anything you can do at home to support DD’s reading etc. I’ve found that these old school teachers often really respond to respectful proactive parents who are ready to ask for the teacher’s expert advice and to do work at home.

[Anonymous]

My 2nd grader DD asked the teacher why she paid more attention to certain kids. Teacher said she was not aware that she did, and that she will be careful not to do that in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2nd grader DD asked the teacher why she paid more attention to certain kids. Teacher said she was not aware that she did, and that she will be careful not to do that in the future.

Nuts

[Anonymous]

OP I’d be upset too. It sounds like the teacher is being unfair, but you are only hearing one perspective. Perhaps at the start of the year the teacher needed a helper she knew would actually help. Perhaps she was hugging kids she knew were comfortable with hugs. I still wouldn’t do things the way your child’s teacher is doing them, but every time I visit my child’s classroom I have a renewed appreciation for the teacher’s ability to manage the chaos. Bless them all for doing their best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this is only the beginning of people treating your kid like they’re not special, just a normal kid like everyone else. Are all the other kids riddled with anxiety and dents to their confidence over the one special helper? I get that it seems unfair, especially in kindergarten and it probably is, however, your daughter needs additional counseling and intervention before she’s set up for a life of mental illness.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has some major illness

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and what you are reporting is not okay. Listen to your gut. I would bet the principal is aware but can’t take much action unless a parent complains. This is a little kid, not a teenager who needs to learn to deal with all kinds of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’d be upset too. It sounds like the teacher is being unfair, but you are only hearing one perspective. Perhaps at the start of the year the teacher needed a helper she knew would actually help. Perhaps she was hugging kids she knew were comfortable with hugs. I still wouldn’t do things the way your child’s teacher is doing them, but every time I visit my child’s classroom I have a renewed appreciation for the teacher’s ability to manage the chaos. Bless them all for doing their best.

I agree with this - the part about hugging. A K teacher shouldn’t have one helper all year or talking about kids being in higher reading groups. Regarding the reading groups, most kids figure this stuff out even if the groups are like cows, monkeys, and seals. Everyone knows if the seals are the best. Can you check anything your DD is telling you during your mid-year conference?

[Anonymous]

It's always like that. We had that. Our 2nd-grade teacher told me my child wasn't reading and put them in the lowest level when they had been reading starting at age 3. We gave up and supplemented at home all through elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher and what you are reporting is not okay. Listen to your gut. I would bet the principal is aware but can’t take much action unless a parent complains. This is a little kid, not a teenager who needs to learn to deal with all kinds of people.

+1. Also a former teacher. A high school teacher. It is highly unprofessional to show favoritism like you are describing in high school classes - let alone in kindergarten. Sure, life is unfair. But that doesn’t mean that teacher’s can openly play favorites! I don’t have a trust fund and other people do. That doesn’t mean my boss should be mean to me…These things don’t correlate.

You’re doing the right thing by talking to the counselor. Proactively reach out to the teacher for a check in and ask about classroom jobs and reading groups and see what she says.

It’s very sad that so many parents commenting expect that their children will be treated poorly by teachers. I feel bad for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I would introduce this teacher to my kinfolk