Do you still support your college graduate?

[Anonymous]

My DC after college and grad school is working and staying at home. I am funding every cost for the first three years and after that, they will pay for their expenses (minus room and board) if they stay with us, or they will live on their own and pay for everything. My expectation is that they will save three years worth of their earnings before moving out.

My kids are ALWAYS going to have free room and board for life in my house.

[Anonymous]

You are currently going wrong right now by paying their rent... they have FT jobs but can't afford rent at all? What are they doing with the rest of their money? Priorities are way wrong here, has nothign to do with what they majored in or what their skills are, it's that you are allowing them to not prioritize being able to provide for shelter.

My kids will be graduating in the next couple years and I have told them that I'm fine with them living at home if needed to get a job and get some savings going. But neither would have any interest in staying (which is a good thing) and they will need ot figure out a budget fo what they can afford for rent and go get a job that will allow them to do that. It's not my business what they do, or if they use their major, just that they are off my bills and able to support themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop paying for their rent and See how quickly they began looking for better paying jobs.

+1. Or they will find a cheaper place to live.

[Anonymous]

I came home after school. Then I found a job and left. Then I came home again. Then I left again. The third time I came home my mother made me pay rent. Then she moved and she paid me to watch the house for two months. Life is complicated

[Anonymous]

It sometimes makes sense to pay for health insurance if yours is better and the marginal cost isn't that much. But paying for rent is a little puzzling given they have jobs.

[Anonymous]

In short, no.

Our 26yo son is completely self-sufficient and working in the field in which he got his degree.

Our 23yo daughter is self-sufficient except that we pay for her cell phone and the occasional plane ticket to see us for family events. She is working but intends to go to grad school at some point. We may help her here and there with gifts if she is back in school in the future, but have not told her that.

OP, you are doing your adult kids a huge disservice. Tell them they need to be 100% self-sufficient by X date, and then stick to that. If they have to work at Starbucks while job-hunting, so be it.

Bear in mind as well that you are sending them the message that you don't believe they are capable of taking care of themselves independently. Is that what you want to communicate to them?

[Anonymous]

Why should they hustle to get a better job or make more money? Mom and Dad are paying for everything.

You need to set a deadline for parental support ending. And stick to it. And be prepared for them to struggle a little bit and whine a whole lot. Don't give in. They will be better off for it. Too much parental support murders ambition.

[Anonymous]

By 28 I already had 6 years in a steady job and a 401k! Lived with two roommates to share the costs. If you keep paying for them they have no motivation to self support. What do they spend their money on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 28 I already had 6 years in a steady job and a 401k! Lived with two roommates to share the costs.

I was married, living in a TH with a mortgage and had my first child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 28 I already had 6 years in a steady job and a 401k! Lived with two roommates to share the costs.

I was married, living in a TH with a mortgage and had my first child

cool story, mee-maw - tell us more about the olden days!

[Anonymous]

By age 26 and 28, the parent can no longer have their child on their work insurance policy family plan. Does OP investigate and fund their separate health policy? Sorry OP, this is on you and you need to cut them loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could set a deadline of age 30 for “full time job and support yourself” and see if that motivates.

2-4 more years?

[Anonymous]

My kid actually managed to make enough junior and senior year from his internship to pay for all their expenses except tuition. This included rent, utilities, food, clothing.....We didn't realize this for a couple of months until we didn't see requests for rent payments.

So it was an easy transition for them to continue to be self supporting. We actually offered them a year rent free in our house, and their job was fully remote but they wanted to live with friends in the city. So they launched themselves.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is a troll post, but if not: tell the kids from now on you will be sending them the max allowed by gift allowance (18k) per year on Jan 1. And they should use that to help with rent .. or however they see fit, but otherwise you're done.

working at jobs that don't provide health care is a bit odd but with the exchange, it's very cheap at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents told me after college, that I needed to live on whatever I made. Why aren't you doing that?

same here and yes, they were some lean, lean years. AND I really learned the value of a dollar and got my priorities in check.

You are enabling them, OP. So let's not try to play it any other way.