Do you still support your college graduate?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure where we went wrong as parents. We have two kids: 26 and 28. Both are college grads and one even has a masters degree. Neither has a full time job that has anything to do with their degrees. Both live outside the home but we support them paying for rent and health insurance. Yes we feel badly about it but we can afford it. At what point does it stop though?

[Anonymous]

When mine did not have a job at graduation, they moved home. We were ok with having them here and providing meals etc but not willing to pay their rent elsewhere. He worked some part time jobs and took grad classes until he found a job and moved out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure where we went wrong as parents. We have two kids: 26 and 28. Both are college grads and one even has a masters degree. Neither has a full time job that has anything to do with their degrees. Both live outside the home but we support them paying for rent and health insurance. Yes we feel badly about it but we can afford it. At what point does it stop though?

It stops when you say it does. That could be tomorrow, or could be 40 years from now.
If they have jobs, why are you still supporting them?

[Anonymous]

Every set of parents has a different threshold. But why are you fully supporting them while they live on their own if they aren’t employed full time? They have zero motivation to make changes since they know you’ll pay for all of their needs.

[Anonymous]

You could set a deadline of age 30 for “full time job and support yourself” and see if that motivates.

[Anonymous]

What degree from what school?

That's a vital piece of information to see what went wrong.

[Anonymous]

You have allowed this to happen. You don’t have to do any of this. You need to set the boundaries.

My parents have only chipped in for a couple things since I graduated college. Never my rent or health insurance, though.

Come on, OP. Own your mistake here and come up with a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What degree from what school?

That's a vital piece of information to see what went wrong.

+1 Your kids cannot afford to live on their own. They need to move back home and pay you some rent.

They do not get to pretend to be independent while you still pay for them.

And they need to hustle and get better paying jobs.

[Anonymous]

OP, you did this. You are supposed to tell them that they are adults now, not babies. They should have known during college that they needed to figure out how to support themselves at graduation because, again, not babies.

You can “afford” it, but couldn’t you be putting that $$$ toward travel or retirement?

Also, it’s like not potty training your 5 year old because it’s convenient to keep them in diapers for long car rides. Or tying their shoes in the morning for years and years, because it’s quicker to get out of the house that way. You are infantilizing them, because it feels better than watching them take a higher paying job the don’t love or having a longer commute or realizing they can’t afford to live in NYC while working in a non profit.

By “helping them out,” you are stunting their personal growth.

[Anonymous]

My parents told me after college, that I needed to live on whatever I made. Why aren't you doing that?

[Anonymous]

Stop paying for their rent and See how quickly they began looking for better paying jobs.

[Anonymous]

When you decide to let your kids grow up.

Our kids know they can major in whatever they want. But ultimately, they need to find a job when they graduate and aim to support themselves. That means living a lifestyle they can support with their job.

One kid "does not directly use their degree". They are in a job that requires a BA/BS, but otherwise they train them. My kid is making good pay at a great company and living in a MCOL (or slightly less) area. They can support themselves fully and even invest for retirement.

But if they were making less, they would be living in a cheaper place, or have searched for a roommate (and get a 2 bedroom). It does help that we gave them a car when they graduated, so no auto payment. But really, they could still manage that if needed, but wouldn't be saving as much

[Anonymous]

I would say you can support them living at home, but if they want to live elsewhere that's on them. They need a full time job. It's that simple. Give them 6 months to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

The way I read it is that they have full time jobs but not in the the area of their degree. That is ok.

[Anonymous]

I chose to get a low paying passion job right out of college and it didn’t pay the rent, so I had to work at a restaurant a few nights and weekends to make my budget work. I soon learned that I needed to get a different professional job if I didn’t want to work 80+ hours per week and rely on tips. Harsh lesson but if my folks had bailed me out I might still be in that first job.