Adult children do not like Dad's GF, How to go on a family vacation with out her?

[Anonymous]

Is there a location that she may find undesirable?

[Anonymous]

What you can do is invite them both but on a date that you know she has an important prior commitment, or for a place or activity you think she will decline.

Or adult children who are boys can invite him on "guys weekend".

Or ask him directly to cut down on fighting in front of the grandkids, and hold him to it. "Dad, it's stressful when you and Marge are arguing. Can you go somewhere more private to talk about it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can certainly bring this up with your dad but consider this...

Maybe he can't stand YOUR spouse and your sister's spouse. What if his response is:

"Well, yes, I'd consider going on a trip with you and the kids. But leave your husbands at home because I can't stand either of them."

It's amazing to me that adult children don't want to include a parent's spouse, but certainly want their own spouse accepted by their parents.

FWIW, this is also another classic case of how any woman who dares to have a relationship with a man divorced/widowed will NEVER be accepted by his children.

Women be warned! Stay with the father of your children forever because if you ever do split and think you will find another man some day, you too will probably be joining the ranks of the hated "stepmother" stereotype.

She's not a stepmother in this situation. She's dad's annoying girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

They live together. That’s a commitment. OP I wouldn’t do it, because I wouldn’t risk my relationship with a parent in that way, but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can certainly bring this up with your dad but consider this...

Maybe he can't stand YOUR spouse and your sister's spouse. What if his response is:

"Well, yes, I'd consider going on a trip with you and the kids. But leave your husbands at home because I can't stand either of them."

It's amazing to me that adult children don't want to include a parent's spouse, but certainly want their own spouse accepted by their parents.

FWIW, this is also another classic case of how any woman who dares to have a relationship with a man divorced/widowed will NEVER be accepted by his children.

Women be warned! Stay with the father of your children forever because if you ever do split and think you will find another man some day, you too will probably be joining the ranks of the hated "stepmother" stereotype.

Your first point is valid (how would OP feel if Dad didn’t want her life partner there), but your second point is not. This particular woman sounds insufferable. It’s not just OP and her sister who don’t want the girlfriend to come; OP’s spouse and children are saying that including her will ruin the trip.

[Anonymous]

Sorry there isn't a way you can just invite him.

Although maybe if you rock the boat enough, they'll break up.

[Anonymous]

OP, just be grateful that this woman, however annoying, is/will be doing the heavy lifting in caring for your father as he ages. And that he has companionship in his later years, which should hopefully help him live longer.

That being said, as others have mentioned, if you can't invite both, don't invite either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just be grateful that this woman, however annoying, is/will be doing the heavy lifting in caring for your father as he ages. And that he has companionship in his later years, which should hopefully help him live longer.

That being said, as others have mentioned, if you can't invite both, don't invite either.

You have no idea if it will actually play out that way. Maybe she'll die first, or dump him when he's not fun anymore or his money is gone. Happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My widow dad who is in his 70's and healthy has been with his current GF for about 5 years. They live together. I have a good relationship with my dad but his GF is one of the more annoying humans I have met. She complains about everything, is a nag, makes off hand comments and is generally not a happy person. My dad and her also fight all of the time! My sister feels the same way I do. Our spouses and children also find the woman intolerable to be around. We are always polite and respectful to her but try to limit our time together.
The issue we are facing is we want to go on a family vacation and invite our dad but not the GF as it will really change the dynamic of the trip. I know the GF will want to go on the trip as it is to a desirable location. Has anyone dealt with this? Is it possible to invite my dad only? I am afraid if I open this can of worms it will alter the relationship I have with my dad.

This right here. Is there anyway you could do something with Dad that you know GF friend doesn't like? Ie getting up early to go for a run/play pickleball/buy donuts for the family?
Think how you would feel if your dad excluded YOUR significant other. Just invited you on vacation?

Maybe try and be nicer to GF to make your dad happy? who knows she might warm up to you?

[Anonymous]

Old people like to travel with their significant others because they have someone to be with when they're tired in the afternoon. Someone who understands their private medical stuff and covers for them or supports them as needed. The older he gets, the less he'll want to travel without her for support.

[Anonymous]

The only way to do this is to have a father/daughter trip without anyone’s partners. Otherwise, no, you can’t not invite her; just like, as a pp said, he can’t not invite your husband to something because he finds your husband annoying.

[Anonymous]

Schedule it on a date she has a big event

[Anonymous]

I would not invite him. If he finds out you and your sister are vacationing together, will he ask to tag along? You might want to tell him about your concerns then.

[Anonymous]

I thinmk you can do a plan that's just Dad and his kids. Or maybe Dad and his kids and their kids.

But you can't invite your partners and not his. If you're expecting your husband to be invited, then of course she is too.

[Anonymous]

No you cannot do that, it’s mean. It puts you father in an ugly and awkward position.
I am sure she is annoying but that does not make it ok.
plus, at one point have you had a conversation with your dad about how their bickering is no fun to be around?
Your father is equally responsible for that unhealthy dynamic. It’s not all the girlfriend’s fault. Try talking to him gently and respectfully about that. But you definitely cannot ask him not to bring her unless you are ok with your in-laws deliberately leaving you out.