Advice needed: sister's bf died

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her you are sorry for her loss, which I’m sure you are.

This.

You focus on her loss and evade going to the service or participating in any event in which you would be asked to laud him as a great human being.

“I know [Sister’s Name] will miss traveling with Larlo.” rather than “There never was a more fun guy than Larlo!”

[Anonymous]

He’s dead, take the high road.

[Anonymous]

Come on OP. This is not rocket science. What’s wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on OP. This is not rocket science. What’s wrong with you.

What’s wrong with you, PP? It is in fact quite tricky for a kind person to know what to say to her loser sister when the sister loses an ahole boyfriend who abused OP as a child. Not a lot of etiquette guides for this situation. I’m not sure I would feel the need to reach out to the sister at all.

[Anonymous]

Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

Did you not read the above post? Sounds like he strangled her! Held her neck that’s abuse! And put her between a mattress and box spring and jumped on the bed, that is abuse to me!

OP I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself and your mental
Health. If you aren’t up for a call send flowers or a card and just say thinking of you or something simple. Don’t erase what these two did to you as a child just because he died.

I was forced to do this go to a funeral to someone who was horrible for me as a child. I’m upset I was pressured by others to go. I spoke my truth years later and am happy I did. You do what is best for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

Did you not read the above post? Sounds like he strangled her! Held her neck that’s abuse! And put her between a mattress and box spring and jumped on the bed, that is abuse to me!

OP I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself and your mental
Health. If you aren’t up for a call send flowers or a card and just say thinking of you or something simple. Don’t erase what these two did to you as a child just because he died.

I was forced to do this go to a funeral to someone who was horrible for me as a child. I’m upset I was pressured by others to go. I spoke my truth years later and am happy I did. You do what is best for you OP.

You weren’t there. OP’s words are less than certain. You are reading into it. I want OP to confirm.

[Anonymous]

Where were your parents when this was going on?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd send a card and just handwrite you are sorry for her loss.

I would think about how much time you really want to spend with her, she sounds cruel. Where were your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

Did you not read the above post? Sounds like he strangled her! Held her neck that’s abuse! And put her between a mattress and box spring and jumped on the bed, that is abuse to me!

OP I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself and your mental
Health. If you aren’t up for a call send flowers or a card and just say thinking of you or something simple. Don’t erase what these two did to you as a child just because he died.

I was forced to do this go to a funeral to someone who was horrible for me as a child. I’m upset I was pressured by others to go. I spoke my truth years later and am happy I did. You do what is best for you OP.

You weren’t there. OP’s words are less than certain. You are reading into it. I want OP to confirm.

Op here. Yes, they both abused me. I wrote about 2 incidents out of many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

Did you not read the above post? Sounds like he strangled her! Held her neck that’s abuse! And put her between a mattress and box spring and jumped on the bed, that is abuse to me!

OP I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself and your mental
Health. If you aren’t up for a call send flowers or a card and just say thinking of you or something simple. Don’t erase what these two did to you as a child just because he died.

I was forced to do this go to a funeral to someone who was horrible for me as a child. I’m upset I was pressured by others to go. I spoke my truth years later and am happy I did. You do what is best for you OP.

You weren’t there. OP’s words are less than certain. You are reading into it. I want OP to confirm.

WTF is wrong with u? Why take the time to post a judgmental post if you can’t take the time to read. Just STFU already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

Did you not read the above post? Sounds like he strangled her! Held her neck that’s abuse! And put her between a mattress and box spring and jumped on the bed, that is abuse to me!

OP I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself and your mental
Health. If you aren’t up for a call send flowers or a card and just say thinking of you or something simple. Don’t erase what these two did to you as a child just because he died.

I was forced to do this go to a funeral to someone who was horrible for me as a child. I’m upset I was pressured by others to go. I spoke my truth years later and am happy I did. You do what is best for you OP.

You weren’t there. OP’s words are less than certain. You are reading into it. I want OP to confirm.

OPs words were certain and clear. Get off the internet and work on self-improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he abuse you? And does your sister know?

Did you not read the above post? Sounds like he strangled her! Held her neck that’s abuse! And put her between a mattress and box spring and jumped on the bed, that is abuse to me!

OP I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself and your mental
Health. If you aren’t up for a call send flowers or a card and just say thinking of you or something simple. Don’t erase what these two did to you as a child just because he died.

I was forced to do this go to a funeral to someone who was horrible for me as a child. I’m upset I was pressured by others to go. I spoke my truth years later and am happy I did. You do what is best for you OP.

You weren’t there. OP’s words are less than certain. You are reading into it. I want OP to confirm.

Op here. Yes, they both abused me. I wrote about 2 incidents out of many.

Has she ever apologized? Was this known to your parents and if so, did they address? Anyway, I agree with the above advice to drop some platitudes in her ears during a brief phone call and consider your duty done. Don’t bother with a note. It takes more time to find a card, compose a message, address, stamp than it does to nake a brief phone call. And you should put in the least amount of effort you can get away with.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, op-just say I’m sorry to hear about Bob and hope you are well. You are talking about things that happened almost 50 years ago and now the man’s dead. I think it’s time for you to move on from poor baby ill treated little sister role in your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? You support your sister in her loss and don’t talk shit about her dead boyfriend. He’s gone now; just be decent person instead of making it about how he was a dick to you 45 years ago.

I would never talk shit about him, dead or alive. She witnessed his poor treatment of me back then and stood by, laughing. I was 8, they were 16 and 18. He did things like stuff me between the matress and boxspring and jumped on top. He also held me off the floor by my throat against a wall while she laughed at how I was kicking my legs out. Things like that occured every time he was around. That's part of the reason I have a distant relationship with her. Even though it's been 40 plus years, it wasn't ok.

Just be like “I’m sorry Dick died. I won’t be able to come to the funeral but I’m thinking of you”. And then inwardly smile about how he is no longer on this earth.

+1. But be prepared for vitriol from her eg. "YOU never LIKED him!" and just agree with her, and accept it as displaced anger and guilt.