WWYT of this setup (sharing time between two houses)?

[Anonymous]

What is so bad about living in a dorm? I learned some good lessons sharing space with a stranger.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what "state-level talent" means (if they're only the best in their state, this seems like an extreme solution). You said they're teens, so this is presumably a short-term solution (four years max?) and it seems like they are doing what they think is best for their kids. If they were planning to divorce they likely wouldn't spend every weekend together.

My daughters have mentioned attending a boarding school to focus on their sport when they reach high school, and while it's not something I would have ever considered, I'd be willing to look into it when the time gets closer if it's really the best thing for them (it's a sport they could do in college and also professionally if they chose that path). I can't imagine living separately from my husband (or from one daughter if only one chose to pursue the sport in that way), but if there's one thing I have learned in life it's that you truly can't understand a situation until you have been in it. To that end, I afford other people the decency of not questioning their life choices because I'm not where they are so I have no idea what I would do if I were them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is so bad about living in a dorm? I learned some good lessons sharing space with a stranger.

Mummy’s precious little star state level athlete might be inconvenienced or, heaven forbid, made anxious by sharing a room at a boarding school, obviously! Going to a nearby private or parochial with good athletics was not an option, so they have to purchase real estate and live split lives to accomodate those anxieties.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like it is Oak Hill Academy and its basketball program. For the confused posters, there are a handful of national powerhouse basketball programs that attract “best in state talent” on a boarding basis. Kids that end up at these programs are trending toward top college level basketball programs and have a legitimate, albeit still small, chance at playing basketball professionally domestically or over seas. This is basically Juilliard for sports and it allows basketball players to develop alongside similar levels of talent. Oak Hill, for example, has had about 40 alums eventually play in the NBA and many others play professionally overseas.

These are tough decisions for families where you are separating from your child for his last high school years in pursuit excellence in this area.

As far as indulging OP’s question, the real concern should be the younger child and making sure her/his life isn’t dominated commuting back and forth to sports games on weekends and the fact that s/he will miss out on a second parent during these formative years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like it is Oak Hill Academy and its basketball program. For the confused posters, there are a handful of national powerhouse basketball programs that attract “best in state talent” on a boarding basis. Kids that end up at these programs are trending toward top college level basketball programs and have a legitimate, albeit still small, chance at playing basketball professionally domestically or over seas. This is basically Juilliard for sports and it allows basketball players to develop alongside similar levels of talent. Oak Hill, for example, has had about 40 alums eventually play in the NBA and many others play professionally overseas.

These are tough decisions for families where you are separating from your child for his last high school years in pursuit excellence in this area.

As far as indulging OP’s question, the real concern should be the younger child and making sure her/his life isn’t dominated commuting back and forth to sports games on weekends and the fact that s/he will miss out on a second parent during these formative years.

I am judging OP for the bolded. It's absolutely ridiculous and irresponsible to deprive the younger child of a second parent. If the precious older one cannot live in the dorm, then the whole family should move, not just one parent.

It's no wonder athletes are so self centered!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait is this your family or someone else’s?

Someone else’s. I am just super curious.

I know a family like this. No, I think they are just very focused on the kid’s sport, not planning a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple with two teenage kids. Kid 1 is state level talent and goes to a boarding school several hours away from the family residence. Parents buy a condo next to the school so that the kid doesn’t have to live in a dorm. One parent lives there with kid 1 and the other stays with kid 2 at the primary residence. On weekends they get together at one of the two “abodes”, sometimes the parents switch, they then separate again for the week.

Am I the being weird in seeing it as some low key prep for separation and maybe divorce?
Or there’s no hidden agenda here?

Sounds like heaven to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about the divorce—I think it’s worse the parents bought a condo so kid doesn’t have to live in dorm and gets to stay with parents. Why send him to boarding school at all if you’re going to literally be a helicopter parent? Cut the apron strings for pete’s sake!

+1 If the kid is going to boarding school, let the kid go to boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple with two teenage kids. Kid 1 is state level talent and goes to a boarding school several hours away from the family residence. Parents buy a condo next to the school so that the kid doesn’t have to live in a dorm. One parent lives there with kid 1 and the other stays with kid 2 at the primary residence. On weekends they get together at one of the two “abodes”, sometimes the parents switch, they then separate again for the week.

Am I the being weird in seeing it as some low key prep for separation and maybe divorce?
Or there’s no hidden agenda here?

Sounds like heaven to me

Same. I would do this in a heartbeat to allow one of our kids to get better support for their learning needs than they can get here in the DMV in a olace where we could afford the day tuition and not have to move the other kid who is enjoying and thriving in the DMV. Also sounds like heaven to only need to help one kid at any given time.

[Anonymous]

Not weird if they can afford it. I would do that vs. putting my kid in boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about the divorce—I think it’s worse the parents bought a condo so kid doesn’t have to live in dorm and gets to stay with parents. Why send him to boarding school at all if you’re going to literally be a helicopter parent? Cut the apron strings for pete’s sake!

+1 If the kid is going to boarding school, let the kid go to boarding school.

+1 or maybe boarding school isn’t the right fit.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all. One person in this couple is my very close friend, and I was afraid they were being kind of set up/to be blindsided by divorce.
It seems however that some couples do live like that and it’s not a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

I know a family where the mom followed the recently launched adult child to a far-flung location to help them get settled. The plan that was shared with close friends and family was the couple would set up two residences and eventually retire together in the new location by the just launched kid (think: fabulous area).

The couple periodically schlepped between the two homes to visit each other, but they eventually separated and divorced. Mom kept the new residence, dad downsized from the family home.

It’s weird for couples to not live together.

[Anonymous]

If they’ve put the family’s collective focus of importance on this sport then I don’t see the arrangement as being any different than a family that has to separate for work travel, military duty, prolonged medical treatment, etc. They are making things work for their family’s priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you hoping to bang one of the parents or ???

MYOB.

+1

This was exacrtly my thought. OP, back off, you look and smell desperate.