Divorce comeback stories

[Anonymous]

I divorced at 40 w/ two kids. It was hard, it took a long time but I learned to love myself, grew my self-esteem, dated off/on. I'm 5 years post final divorce and 2+ years in a relationship with a great guy, have set boundaries in my life (where needed), healed from the divorce and therapy helped with that and some childhood trauma.
I wish I could have told my "old" self that things would get/be better and I would be happy again I would have left the marriage years earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40, I went through a long and difficult divorce.

My life isn't fabulously better, but it's perfectly fine. I'm interested in dating but given my marriage experience and my working in family law, the red flags can't slip by anymore.

But my kids are happy and doing well, my home is calm, and I feel much more confident - much less scared of anything. I feel... experienced? Like I've had many complex experiences and now I prefer a very specific type of person who lives similarly to me.

As a parent, friend, relative, contractor - I'm a better person since my divorce, my personality has shifted and changed in many ways I'm thankful for. Grief has been difficult but I'm mostly through that now and feel like my future is wide open, and not so incredibly limited and shoved in a box as it used to be.

People want a “makeover” - oh she got divorced and now her new husband is hotter and richer, etc. But the changes are more internal. Maybe you are so happy and liberated and confident you don’t want to date again. Maybe you do date but don’t want to marry. Maybe you end up with someone whom society thinks has lesser status but makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world after a marriage full of abuse and neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Started my divorce 11 years ago. The real estate was in his name, I was a SAHM, had not worked in my field in 15 years, no savings, no assets to my name. I should have been scared and I was but it didn't stop me.
Things are so much better now, I got the real estate ( because I developed them). Restarted my career and climbed higher and higher. The kids are doing amazingly well in school. Have a small but healthily growing retirement fund.
11 years ago my angst was the uncertainty ahead. It felt positively frightening. I had diarrhea everyday for 6 months and lost a lot of weight.
Presently my angst is about strategizing my career into a multinational company so I can move anywhere to be near my adult children if they need me.

Go you!!! I wish I could have you as my mentor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late thirties, but I have to share, because my divorce was so harrowing and my circumstances so dire for YEARS, and now my life is unimaginably good. (I used to post here prolifically about this saga.)

In 2016, at not even three months pregnant, I learned that my husband had been cheated on. I did not want to abort so I stuck around until the baby was born. I was living overseas and was incredibly isolated, depressed, and generally miserable (I already had a toddler).

Fast forward to when the baby was six months: a crew of friends essentially helped me flee the country. (I like to tell people I came to the US with two suitcases and a credit card - it’s true!). Husband immediately drained our shared account. I started working full-time right away, paying more than I was making in wages. I used the cash advance from the CC to get an apartment and a crappy used car.

I’m hopeful you’re financially set, but I was not, and it was AWFUL. I was on welfare, food stamps, etc. luckily the kids were still on their dads health insurance. But otherwise life was a grind.

The divorce was brutal, and the very isolated court system was most certainly corrupt. I was humiliated in court when my ex husband claimed our marriage was a farce and he never really “meant” to marry me (?). I was compelled to give him custody of the kids, which is the greatest pain of my life and which is still resolving itself.

I’ll fast forward to now, over six years later: I got an advanced degree, started my professional career, got remarried, bought a home, and have a standard of living much greater than I’ve ever had before. Ex-husband and I are finally on friendly terms, and are relocating to the same city next year so we can share custody. Thank God!

Note that this process was delayed and compounded by the pandemic. Hell on hell.

I cannot overstate how difficult it was, but I ALSO cannot overstate the freedom and peace on the other side of this. You will get through this better than ever. Take extremely good care of yourself and surround yourself with supportive, loving people. Bless you OP.

You’re amazing. Cheering for you!

[Anonymous]

Separated at 37, self medicated for a year, divorced at 38, sobered up, whatever money I received from her buying me out I made some smart investments. Changed careers, living very comfortably and could retire but I’m happy with my work/life balance.

It was very difficult at the beginning, but you can do it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40, I went through a long and difficult divorce.

My life isn't fabulously better, but it's perfectly fine. I'm interested in dating but given my marriage experience and my working in family law, the red flags can't slip by anymore.

But my kids are happy and doing well, my home is calm, and I feel much more confident - much less scared of anything. I feel... experienced? Like I've had many complex experiences and now I prefer a very specific type of person who lives similarly to me.

As a parent, friend, relative, contractor - I'm a better person since my divorce, my personality has shifted and changed in many ways I'm thankful for. Grief has been difficult but I'm mostly through that now and feel like my future is wide open, and not so incredibly limited and shoved in a box as it used to be.

People want a “makeover” - oh she got divorced and now her new husband is hotter and richer, etc. But the changes are more internal. Maybe you are so happy and liberated and confident you don’t want to date again. Maybe you do date but don’t want to marry. Maybe you end up with someone whom society thinks has lesser status but makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world after a marriage full of abuse and neglect.

+1 Remarriage and upward mobility aren't the goals. Being happy and content enough to remain single, or not, is a great goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 43 and going through a bad divorce. Can others who’ve gone through a divorce in their 40s or 50s share positive stories of how their lives got better after?

Pretty much everyone I know who has gotten divorced.

[Anonymous]

I just got divorced but I'm having the best sex of my life after feeling so very not desired for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got divorced but I'm having the best sex of my life after feeling so very not desired for years.

Partner? FWB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got divorced but I'm having the best sex of my life after feeling so very not desired for years.

Partner? FWB?

In between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got divorced but I'm having the best sex of my life after feeling so very not desired for years.

Partner? FWB?

In between.

What makes it so enjoyable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got divorced but I'm having the best sex of my life after feeling so very not desired for years.

Partner? FWB?

In between.

What makes it so enjoyable?

We really care about each other and enjoy spending time together. She's very free and comfortable sexually. She takes good care of herself.

And we don't live together or raise kids together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got divorced but I'm having the best sex of my life after feeling so very not desired for years.

Partner? FWB?

In between.

What makes it so enjoyable?

We really care about each other and enjoy spending time together. She's very free and comfortable sexually. She takes good care of herself.

And we don't live together or raise kids together.

That sounds great. Age of you both? Sounds like a good story.

[Anonymous]

Divorced in mid 40's, and lost 230 lbs. Divorce was a stressful process and the kids are still recovering, 17 years later, but we are all in a much better place. When you're going through hell, keep on going! Get a good divorce support group and lawyer, ignore the gossip, get your affairs in order, get a dog and start running/jogging, when you get dropped from by a friend/friend group, be thankful and keep looking forward. Treat yourself with grace and kindness.

I'm married to the love of my life now, and he is an upgrade in every way. He also shows my daughters how a man should treat a woman.

Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

Interesting comments….As a happily married man it kind of sadden that most comments seem to be from women who suddenly claim that they are now happy since they divorced. Are we really this bad? Do we make you guys so miserable and unhappy? Perhaps women have to go through at least 2 iterations to find “true” love because they are leaving one man for another, it is not like they are moving to a new “creature” that’s much better. I hope to read comments about men when divorced their wives and are now happier.