Divorce comeback stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting comments….As a happily married man it kind of sadden that most comments seem to be from women who suddenly claim that they are now happy since they divorced. Are we really this bad? Do we make you guys so miserable and unhappy? Perhaps women have to go through at least 2 iterations to find “true” love because they are leaving one man for another, it is not like they are moving to a new “creature” that’s much better. I hope to read comments about men when divorced their wives and are now happier.

NP here but I think there is a reason 75% of divorces are initiated by women (at least that’s the statistic a therapist once told me, I don’t have a citation). Marriage just isn’t a great deal for women anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting comments….As a happily married man it kind of sadden that most comments seem to be from women who suddenly claim that they are now happy since they divorced. Are we really this bad? Do we make you guys so miserable and unhappy? Perhaps women have to go through at least 2 iterations to find “true” love because they are leaving one man for another, it is not like they are moving to a new “creature” that’s much better. I hope to read comments about men when divorced their wives and are now happier.

Women have a much easier time to rebuild their lives after divorce, in my opinion. Unlike men, they are less likely to be under pressure to have children again, dating apps are biased in the sense men have to compete for them, men have to do the work to impress them, by default people assume that they are leaving bad marriages, etc….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting comments….As a happily married man it kind of sadden that most comments seem to be from women who suddenly claim that they are now happy since they divorced. Are we really this bad? Do we make you guys so miserable and unhappy? Perhaps women have to go through at least 2 iterations to find “true” love because they are leaving one man for another, it is not like they are moving to a new “creature” that’s much better. I hope to read comments about men when divorced their wives and are now happier.

NP here but I think there is a reason 75% of divorces are initiated by women (at least that’s the statistic a therapist once told me, I don’t have a citation). Marriage just isn’t a great deal for women anymore

This is very true and that statistics is actually correct. In fact one of the reason women are comfortable filing for divorce has to do with a distinct advantage that they have over men. Women are in touch with their emotions. Women know what they want. Women have a much bigger social network and rely on their friends a lot and share everything with them and seek their opinion and advice. Men suffer in silence….They can’t always read women’s emotions and that’s not their fault. Romance movies and books are riddled with stories of the Alpha male who is caring blah blah…The real world is different….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced in mid 40's, and lost 230 lbs. Divorce was a stressful process and the kids are still recovering, 17 years later, but we are all in a much better place. When you're going through hell, keep on going! Get a good divorce support group and lawyer, ignore the gossip, get your affairs in order, get a dog and start running/jogging, when you get dropped from by a friend/friend group, be thankful and keep looking forward. Treat yourself with grace and kindness.

I'm married to the love of my life now, and he is an upgrade in every way. He also shows my daughters how a man should treat a woman.

Hugs, OP.

How did you meet your second husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40, I went through a long and difficult divorce.

My life isn't fabulously better, but it's perfectly fine. I'm interested in dating but given my marriage experience and my working in family law, the red flags can't slip by anymore.

But my kids are happy and doing well, my home is calm, and I feel much more confident - much less scared of anything. I feel... experienced? Like I've had many complex experiences and now I prefer a very specific type of person who lives similarly to me.

As a parent, friend, relative, contractor - I'm a better person since my divorce, my personality has shifted and changed in many ways I'm thankful for. Grief has been difficult but I'm mostly through that now and feel like my future is wide open, and not so incredibly limited and shoved in a box as it used to be.

I could have written the same, though I divorced at 48. It's not that my life is better now, it's just different and it's fine- my life is calm, peaceful, with moments of joy and moments of grief, but I feel good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting comments….As a happily married man it kind of sadden that most comments seem to be from women who suddenly claim that they are now happy since they divorced. Are we really this bad? Do we make you guys so miserable and unhappy? Perhaps women have to go through at least 2 iterations to find “true” love because they are leaving one man for another, it is not like they are moving to a new “creature” that’s much better. I hope to read comments about men when divorced their wives and are now happier.

Women have a much easier time to rebuild their lives after divorce, in my opinion. Unlike men, they are less likely to be under pressure to have children again, dating apps are biased in the sense men have to compete for them, men have to do the work to impress them, by default people assume that they are leaving bad marriages, etc….

Mid-50s male here. I’m not sure that’s entirely the case. I found it remarkably east to date after my divorce, and met a number of great women in the DMV. I dated women within 10 years of my age and there was no interest expressed by any women to have children again.

Nearly all women I have met are looking for a committed relationship, but not necessarily marriage. To draw in something from other DCUM threads, I benefit from being 6’2” with a mid six figure salary; it is presumably more difficult for a 5’6” male with a lower salary.

In short, I had no rebuilding my life after divorce. Zero regrets and living a much happier life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting comments….As a happily married man it kind of sadden that most comments seem to be from women who suddenly claim that they are now happy since they divorced. Are we really this bad? Do we make you guys so miserable and unhappy? Perhaps women have to go through at least 2 iterations to find “true” love because they are leaving one man for another, it is not like they are moving to a new “creature” that’s much better. I hope to read comments about men when divorced their wives and are now happier.

Why would my exDH have left? He was dominating my life and I was the one who had to submit. He controlled our money, where we lived, my job, he expected weekly sex but not to have to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or go on dates. It was hopefully a shock to his system when I separated, filed for half of assets, and started dating men much nicer than him.

[Anonymous]

I will say if you are a woman chances are you will be fine. For men it’s a bit more complicated. For example if you are a 45 years old man and meet a never married childless 35 years woman chances are you will face a new countdown for marriage and/or children very soon. The same cannot be said for a 45 years old woman who meet a 45 years old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bridgette Nelson her fifth marriage was a charm. She married a much younger very hot guy who got her natural pregnant at 54

Being knocked up at 54 is my nightmare scenario. ::shudder::

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40, I went through a long and difficult divorce.

My life isn't fabulously better, but it's perfectly fine. I'm interested in dating but given my marriage experience and my working in family law, the red flags can't slip by anymore.

But my kids are happy and doing well, my home is calm, and I feel much more confident - much less scared of anything. I feel... experienced? Like I've had many complex experiences and now I prefer a very specific type of person who lives similarly to me.

As a parent, friend, relative, contractor - I'm a better person since my divorce, my personality has shifted and changed in many ways I'm thankful for. Grief has been difficult but I'm mostly through that now and feel like my future is wide open, and not so incredibly limited and shoved in a box as it used to be.

People want a “makeover” - oh she got divorced and now her new husband is hotter and richer, etc. But the changes are more internal. Maybe you are so happy and liberated and confident you don’t want to date again. Maybe you do date but don’t want to marry. Maybe you end up with someone whom society thinks has lesser status but makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world after a marriage full of abuse and neglect.

+1 Remarriage and upward mobility aren't the goals. Being happy and content enough to remain single, or not, is a great goal.

Agree re: remarriage. But supporting yourself is a good goal, in my view.

[Anonymous]

I will never marry again. My ex cheated and the divorce experience I went through showed how biased the state can be toward men. During marriage we have the same standard of living. Post marriage she is better off. Our children were just fine during our marriage. Now that we are divorce what I am paying as child support is far more than what we paid to support our kids when we were married. Essentially with child support and alimony her income is now higher than mine. Yes I could blame my lawyer for not being a good lawyer but the judge let me not even get started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never marry again. My ex cheated and the divorce experience I went through showed how biased the state can be toward men. During marriage we have the same standard of living. Post marriage she is better off. Our children were just fine during our marriage. Now that we are divorce what I am paying as child support is far more than what we paid to support our kids when we were married. Essentially with child support and alimony her income is now higher than mine. Yes I could blame my lawyer for not being a good lawyer but the judge let me not even get started.

The state is protecting itself. The state does not to eventually have to shoulder the cost should that child fall
Under poverty as a result of divorce. It’s been long known that the amount for child support that the mom or dad has to pay is very high and not grounded in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never marry again. My ex cheated and the divorce experience I went through showed how biased the state can be toward men. During marriage we have the same standard of living. Post marriage she is better off. Our children were just fine during our marriage. Now that we are divorce what I am paying as child support is far more than what we paid to support our kids when we were married. Essentially with child support and alimony her income is now higher than mine. Yes I could blame my lawyer for not being a good lawyer but the judge let me not even get started.

And that’s why either have a solid prenup or marry someone who makes at least as much as you do. If you divorce a stay at home mom good luck.

[Anonymous]

Success story here. I divorced when I was 44 and I was a mess. She was my high school sweetheart, the only woman I have ever been with. I didn’t date anyone for 2 years (I just wasn’t interested nor motivated). But when I started dating again I was surprised by how many women out there were looking for a serious relationship. Luckily for me, the woman I am currently dating was the second person I went on a date with post divorce and we have been together 1 year. I met her at the gym because I would always run on the treadmill right next to her and never said a word to her even though I did like her. She made the move and introduced herself. And we are very happy together.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is so much happier now. From he outside her marriage seemed fine although it turns out she was miserable. She is radiating light now (3 years post divorce). She also has a super hot boyfriend. She just turned 50.