BIL's third wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to attend. Even if that means nothing more than showing your face.

Then you’re like the United Nations, a pawn and platform for corruption to have a voice. Which people misinterpret as legit.

[Anonymous]

DH can make plans now to attend his brother’s fourth wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been in the predicament recently, I chose to send my congratulations for the new wife, more than for anyone else. I did not have her contact info, so I sent the email to BIL, addressed to both. In my mind, it's not her fault she's landing in this family, and I want to start off on the right foot, whatever other relatives are doing. My husband and I were actually not invited to their wedding, so we did not send a gift or attend. I did receive a nice email from BIL after I sent the congratulations, so I think he was grateful I wasn't part of his feud with his brother (which is entirely silly on both sides, BTW).

Such a great way to frame the situation - kudos to you for taking that step. How there may be some sort of rapprochement in time.

[Anonymous]

I suspect that there's something deeper between the brothers than just the meddling of the ,MIL. Which one is the older one? Is it possible the eldest brother sexually abused the other two?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know attendance is not mandatory.

DH and BIL do not get along. They haven't for years. BIL's next wedding is planned for a date that dh already knows he is busy. Work related, not mandatory.

Would your dh further the divide by not attending?

honestly, who cares here? why are you posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know attendance is not mandatory.

DH and BIL do not get along. They haven't for years. BIL's next wedding is planned for a date that dh already knows he is busy. Work related, not mandatory.

Would your dh further the divide by not attending?

Yes, it will likely "further the divide." But if that divide is uncrossable now already, does it matter? Do you still have hope for the relationship? If so, attend. If not, it doesn't really matter if you send your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Nope, my DH would go. He’s a nice guy; would try to bridge a divide with a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that there's something deeper between the brothers than just the meddling of the ,MIL. Which one is the older one? Is it possible the eldest brother sexually abused the other two?

C'mon. Sibling rivalry is as old as time. People often do not like their siblings and it can indeed could have been created or encouraged by the parents. doesn't have to originate from sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Just send a card and enjoy your weekend doing something else. Done and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to attend. Even if that means nothing more than showing your face.

Then you’re like the United Nations, a pawn and platform for corruption to have a voice. Which people misinterpret as legit.

Really? Sometimes the corruption is not where you think it is. Western nations shouldn't act so high and mighty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that there's something deeper between the brothers than just the meddling of the ,MIL. Which one is the older one? Is it possible the eldest brother sexually abused the other two?

That's a huge leap.
Based on what op has shared MIL is a narcissist.
It's not clear which brother is also a narc if any.
Seems like they are coping with mom's wrong doings by punishing each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends upon why they don't get along, OP. For example, did your husband have sex with one of your BILs ex wives and was the cause of one of the prior divorces? In a case like that, I doubt he would even be invited so nothing to worry about.

The way you completely omitted the reason for them not getting along for years makes it sound like your husband is at least equally to blame for the rift.

Leaving out important details is sneaky

They have never really gotten along. No affairs happened with ex wives or anything. They're just like oil and water. MIL encouraged rivalry between siblings, pitting them against each other. There's a third brother who doesn't get along with the one who is getting married either. He and DH get along from time to time.

As far as being cordial or whatever for the new wife, she's his worst choice yet.

Well that's not a very nice thing to say.

Op really isn't painting herself and her DH in a good light. The entire family sounds toxic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been in the predicament recently, I chose to send my congratulations for the new wife, more than for anyone else. I did not have her contact info, so I sent the email to BIL, addressed to both. In my mind, it's not her fault she's landing in this family, and I want to start off on the right foot, whatever other relatives are doing. My husband and I were actually not invited to their wedding, so we did not send a gift or attend. I did receive a nice email from BIL after I sent the congratulations, so I think he was grateful I wasn't part of his feud with his brother (which is entirely silly on both sides, BTW).

This is a lovely approach. It would be nice if ops husband did this.

[Anonymous]

omg god who cares? stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to attend. Even if that means nothing more than showing your face.

Then you’re like the United Nations, a pawn and platform for corruption to have a voice. Which people misinterpret as legit.

Really? Sometimes the corruption is not where you think it is. Western nations shouldn't act so high and mighty.

DP. The UN is a joke, and we’re still suffering from Obama paying 20 years of withheld due$$$ to them.