Body image struggle after seeing a group photo

[Anonymous]

OP judging yourself so harshly is not helping you. Sometimes I look good in photos and sometimes I don’t. You’ve lost perspective on this if you’re ruminating. If you weren’t concerned before, there’s no need to be now. Give yourself some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile, somebody is looking at that same group picture, thinking how athletic and muscular you look and they’re feeling bad about how sickly and unattractively skinny they look.

My advice is not to compare yourself to other bodies. We all have different bodies.

I’m sure they aren’t.

[Anonymous]

I'm a large woman - 99th percentile for height, and most definitely not slender in build.

One thing I've learned to lean into is that it is okay. to. take. up. space.

[Anonymous]

Just popping in to say that I can relate. I have a lot of medication related weight gain. I have made really good peace with it for the most part after yo-yoing several times. But photographs really throw me, sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP who asked for height and weight: what is wrong with you? Would you ask that of someone in real life?

OP, it's one photo. I'd kill to feel strong and athletic and well-dressed. Nothing about those things has changed because you were in one photo that you think is unflattering. Concentrate on your health and treating people well, nothing else matters.

NP here, but uhhhhh...height and weight is key info here, without which all the responses are kind of meaningless projection.

[Anonymous]

This was how I realized how overweight I was. I didn’t see it when I looked in a mirror but when I saw myself in a group photo, I realized I wasn’t just a bit chubby with a few extra pounds. I was bigger than almost everyone in the photo and looked the same size as one other person who I would have said was many sizes (50-100 pounds)heavier than me.

It was a wake up call as I realized I had previously really distorted my own view of myself. Ring it in group pictures where the reality is right there was startling.

[Anonymous]

And please think about the lighting, and cabers used. These professional group shots lack on so many levels and honestly nobody looks great. So have mercy and compassion and capture those moments of yourself with your husband and your children. They will appreciate it in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had to check the date on this post because I thought it was something I posted 1-2 years ago that got resurrected.

I am a short-necked, broadly built woman who takes after my parental grandfather’s side- they were all lovely, barrel-chested people. I didn’t get that body until I was 13-14 but I’ve been my full adult height since I was 10. Now I’m 5’5 and large-chested and 140 lbs no matter what I do. In my mind I’m still a very tall slender athletic kid, but in reality I’m much broader and bigger than my peers. I also do not photograph well because of tween and teen years being criticized by my mom for how I looked, especially in formal group photos. Even today, lining up for a photo at a work conference or a volunteer even makes me anxious and it comes across in my facial expressions.

I work hard with the body I have and try to dress fashionably and I definitely stay fit, but what I see in the mirror and in my head is never a match for the reality of photos. I guess it’s a reverse body dysmorphia, because my body feels good to me but the way it looks in photos and to others doesn’t match the kind of person I imagine I am. I do the kinds of things that preppy, lithe, athletic people do but I don’t look like it. I remember my 1st year assigned study group in my elite MBA program being shocked that I played a certain sport- that was a time that I realized that people perceived me as a person differently than who I actually was only because of how my body looked. It definitely affected my career at various points as well as my ability to make new friends. I have to work hard for people to see the real me.

I have spent much of my life around very slender, small-framed people and it is always a shock to see myself from the side or back in a candid or to see myself in a formal photo with others. It especially hurts when smaller and more conventionally attractive people are the ones saying “we all have bad photos” or they’re the ones managing the lineup for the photo or the photo selection.

TLDR: The body I was given isn’t one that matches the person I am inside.

You need some therapy to help unlearn the programming that white, Western UMC culture has done to you. There is clearly nothing wrong with your body, and the fact that you feel like your body doesn't match the "person you are inside" means that you are placing a negative value on the body you have. A body that is athletic and likely healthy and in the normal BMI range. It sounds like the kind of body that has carried you well thus far and allowed you to be active. If you are not socially awkward, your ability to make new friends being affected by your body is likely because of the kinds of friends you have been seeking out. If you find that the people you are around treat someone poorly or differently because they have a different body shape, why would you want to be with those people? Is that also because you yourself would rather not be around people with a body shape that is not your ideal?

This reminds me of the girl in college who lived on my hall. She had an awful freshman year because the sorority she desired had no interest in her because she was not skinny. They were all rich, blonde, and a size 2 or smaller. She too was rich and blonde, but she was about a size 8, nearly no body fat and a very athletic build and that didn't work for that house. It was absolutely awful and gutting for her and every time we would talk about it, all I could think about was how sick our culture is that this is a norm and that people would still want to be in that club.

Don't keep trying to be in that club. Please embrace who you are all accept that it is ok to have a different body type than others and that you are not worth less as a person because you happen to have a body that is a different shape or size than others. To me, that is the true purpose of the body positivity movement that is fizzling out. It isn't about celebrating fatness or obesity. It is about removing the value judgments and way we treat other humans based on our own perceptions about what their body shape/size means. Unless you are evaluating a person's body because you and that person are potential intimate partners, or you and that person are potential activity partners (training for a marathon together, playing tennis together, etc), their body should not determine their worth to you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are not alone. I am hideous in pictures. In real life I am pretty, symmetrical face, curvy, and strong. Yes I have broad shoulders and muscle but in photos I am one big smush. Disheartening really. It just gets worse as I get older. I literally have no angles lol just round edges. Solidarity. I 50% believe I don’t actually look like this in real life.

[Anonymous]

I’m 5”10 and 180. Size 10 athletic build. OP I look like a giant ogre to myself in photos with others although in person I never *feel* like I’m towering over people. I don’t know what to tell you other than that I’ve started following similar sized people on insta and it helps. Still I feel ugly compared to all the cute little ladies out there. When I wear dresses I feel like a man in drag (no shade on men in dresses, it’s just not what I’m going for). Being a bigger taller woman sucks in our culture. Yes, I know models are tall etc but they have tiny bones and weigh nothing. The average tall woman isn’t a model build. Solidarity OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, as someone who is hideously unphotogenic - don't let yourself get so caught up in this. If it's a wakeup call that you want to change your diet or whatever, so be it - maybe it's a good reason to buy some more clothes!

But probably you look great and just got caught in a bad angle. We ALL have thise photos (some of us more than others because we never learned how to pose for photos in ways that would enhance our looks instead of the opposite!).

+1
There is a picture with me sitting on the arm of a sofa next to my mom - and I look absolutely massive. I'm actually not a big person, but the angle of that photo was horrific.
NP

[Anonymous]

Maybe study the poses actresses use when getting photographed. They aren't full out standing straight facing the camera.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, as someone who is hideously unphotogenic - don't let yourself get so caught up in this. If it's a wakeup call that you want to change your diet or whatever, so be it - maybe it's a good reason to buy some more clothes!

But probably you look great and just got caught in a bad angle. We ALL have thise photos (some of us more than others because we never learned how to pose for photos in ways that would enhance our looks instead of the opposite!).

This!! I have literally had pictures from the exact same photo session/day where one makes me feel super confident and the next one makes me feel hideous. Don’t overthink it!

This is it.
Learning to pose in pictures is something you can learn.

Yeah there are people who are very intentional about this. I’ve been firmly pressed to the end of a photo by someone who wanted to look smashing and skinny in the middle. Also, cross one leg over the other.

[Anonymous]

Also it’s true that petite people will make you look enormous. I feel that way with my MIL. I feel like a cow next to her.

[Anonymous]

Short, broad shouldered, athletic and not skinny here. I hear you op. Being wide and broad shouldered I avoid any shirts with a crew neck or scoop neck. I don’t wear dresses often but I wonder if a longer dress would lengthen my square body and help.