Body image struggle after seeing a group photo

[Anonymous]

I am not photographed often as an adult. A few work headshots. Occasional photos with my kid. Extremely rare photos with DH.

But I recently saw a full-body group shot and was horrified. I guess I never really compared my body directly to others… I am somewhat tall with a “big boned” and athletic, muscular frame. I know that and I’m not too soft because I use my body a lot. But I look absolutely massive next to what I’d consider thin to average size people. Prior to this, I didn’t feel big; however, now that I know look big, I feel embarrassingly oversized like I should hide or something. It’s stupid. I know. But here I am.

I just really had no idea that I was so much bigger and broader, I guess, than others. I remember my mom once joking when I was a teen that my friends were all so tiny and suggesting that I lose 20 lbs. but she’s critical about everything so I didn’t take it too much to heart.

I asked DH if I always look as big as I do in that photo. His diplomatic answer was that I always look good and I look athletic, but that he understood why it would be a surprise to see myself in that light (I.e., lined up with a row of men and women) vs just alone in the mirror or in a photo with DS.

I love fashion and thought I knew what worked well for my body, but now I think I’ve gotten it all wrong for years.

What do I need? Obviously some therapy for body image wouldn’t be bad. But is there a specific type of stylist that could help figure out what “works” for me?

And, if you’ve had a body image crisis, what helped you?

[Anonymous]

What’s your BMI?

[Anonymous]

How tall are you and how much do you weigh?

[Anonymous]

What helps me is understanding that no one looks as me as critically as I look at myself.

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile, somebody is looking at that same group picture, thinking how athletic and muscular you look and they’re feeling bad about how sickly and unattractively skinny they look.

My advice is not to compare yourself to other bodies. We all have different bodies.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, as someone who is hideously unphotogenic - don't let yourself get so caught up in this. If it's a wakeup call that you want to change your diet or whatever, so be it - maybe it's a good reason to buy some more clothes!

But probably you look great and just got caught in a bad angle. We ALL have thise photos (some of us more than others because we never learned how to pose for photos in ways that would enhance our looks instead of the opposite!).

[Anonymous]

I’m wide and short and soft and hate how I look in photos. I do lift weights but need to be consistent and do more cardio. That said, I would love to look tall and muscular!

[Anonymous]

were you on the middle or near the end? makes a difference in how big you look.

also, if you were closer to the camera than others it distorts

worst is, on the end and closer to camera (the crowd in a slight "U" shape and you are on or near the end

[Anonymous]

PP who asked for height and weight: what is wrong with you? Would you ask that of someone in real life?

OP, it's one photo. I'd kill to feel strong and athletic and well-dressed. Nothing about those things has changed because you were in one photo that you think is unflattering. Concentrate on your health and treating people well, nothing else matters.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a good person. As someone who had an eating disorder for 3 decades I think it would be a shame and a waste of time for you to spend mental or physical energy on this. Up until you saw the pic, if you were content with your life and yourself, then please try to go back to that mindset. I wouldn't wish the pain and frustration of fighting your body on anyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had to check the date on this post because I thought it was something I posted 1-2 years ago that got resurrected.

I am a short-necked, broadly built woman who takes after my parental grandfather’s side- they were all lovely, barrel-chested people. I didn’t get that body until I was 13-14 but I’ve been my full adult height since I was 10. Now I’m 5’5 and large-chested and 140 lbs no matter what I do. In my mind I’m still a very tall slender athletic kid, but in reality I’m much broader and bigger than my peers. I also do not photograph well because of tween and teen years being criticized by my mom for how I looked, especially in formal group photos. Even today, lining up for a photo at a work conference or a volunteer even makes me anxious and it comes across in my facial expressions.

I work hard with the body I have and try to dress fashionably and I definitely stay fit, but what I see in the mirror and in my head is never a match for the reality of photos. I guess it’s a reverse body dysmorphia, because my body feels good to me but the way it looks in photos and to others doesn’t match the kind of person I imagine I am. I do the kinds of things that preppy, lithe, athletic people do but I don’t look like it. I remember my 1st year assigned study group in my elite MBA program being shocked that I played a certain sport- that was a time that I realized that people perceived me as a person differently than who I actually was only because of how my body looked. It definitely affected my career at various points as well as my ability to make new friends. I have to work hard for people to see the real me.

I have spent much of my life around very slender, small-framed people and it is always a shock to see myself from the side or back in a candid or to see myself in a formal photo with others. It especially hurts when smaller and more conventionally attractive people are the ones saying “we all have bad photos” or they’re the ones managing the lineup for the photo or the photo selection.

TLDR: The body I was given isn’t one that matches the person I am inside.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you need right now is a lot of grace and gentleness with yourself. Judging yourself so harshly on the basis of one photo isn't helpful in any way. You're healthy, right? That's it. No need to change your body at all, even while it doesn't look like other women's bodies.

Yes, I've had similar body crises. I'm also tall-ish and have broad shoulders and more muscle than most women. What's helped me most are three things: first, being proud of what my body can do physically. I'm really strong and doing workouts that play to that strength makes me feel so good. Second, really asking myself if a different (i.e., thinner) body would change my life for the better. No, it would not. I have a DH and kids who love me the way I am. Ditto for close friends. Maybe I could run a little faster, but that's not worth the struggle to lose 10 pounds, mostly of muscle.

Last and probably most important, I've worked hard to change my relationship with my body. One of my favorite Peloton instructors said in a class once that she sees her body as her teammate and that really, really resonated with me as a woman and an athlete. So that's how I think of my body now - and I treat my teammates damn well.

Hang in there. This crisis will pass and I hope some of the support on this thread helps, too.

[Anonymous]

As one of the other PP's admitted, I am also "hideously unphotogenic". For me it's not my body but my face. Jeeez I look horrid. Squinty eyes, weird smile. UGH! I know I don't actually look like that in person but when I see a camera pop up, I run out of view of the lens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, as someone who is hideously unphotogenic - don't let yourself get so caught up in this. If it's a wakeup call that you want to change your diet or whatever, so be it - maybe it's a good reason to buy some more clothes!

But probably you look great and just got caught in a bad angle. We ALL have thise photos (some of us more than others because we never learned how to pose for photos in ways that would enhance our looks instead of the opposite!).

This!! I have literally had pictures from the exact same photo session/day where one makes me feel super confident and the next one makes me feel hideous. Don’t overthink it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, as someone who is hideously unphotogenic - don't let yourself get so caught up in this. If it's a wakeup call that you want to change your diet or whatever, so be it - maybe it's a good reason to buy some more clothes!

But probably you look great and just got caught in a bad angle. We ALL have thise photos (some of us more than others because we never learned how to pose for photos in ways that would enhance our looks instead of the opposite!).

This!! I have literally had pictures from the exact same photo session/day where one makes me feel super confident and the next one makes me feel hideous. Don’t overthink it!

This is it.
Learning to pose in pictures is something you can learn.