As a woman what have you learned about men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can meet a really great guy with no red flags and after you have children he could become the worst father/partner you could ever imagine.

“Red flags” and is a bull sh!t term invented to blame women for men’s failures.

If you marry be prepared for it to all fall apart. They might become sick, or mentally ill or just not be up for the task. That is not your fault. No there was no magic formula you should have know when picking or some underlying signs you should have Sussed out.

Be the best person you can be and hopefully you partner will be too but if they aren’t still be the best person you can be.

So true

[Anonymous]

I was brought up in an exceedingly conservative family and didn't understand the first thing about relationships.

But after extirpating myself, I now understand that the *benefit of the doubt* will be given to handsome men and pretty women, and even more so if they smile and are full of goodwill, and even more so if they dress well. That's a fundamental concept that's very important both in private and professional interactions. It may seem obvious to many, but it wasn't obvious to me, at all, coming out of my childhood. And that there is a certain currency given in regards to beauty and social graces for both sexes.

This is what I'm teaching my son and daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was brought up in an exceedingly conservative family and didn't understand the first thing about relationships.

But after extirpating myself, I now understand that the *benefit of the doubt* will be given to handsome men and pretty women, and even more so if they smile and are full of goodwill, and even more so if they dress well. That's a fundamental concept that's very important both in private and professional interactions. It may seem obvious to many, but it wasn't obvious to me, at all, coming out of my childhood. And that there is a certain currency given in regards to beauty and social graces for both sexes.

This is what I'm teaching my son and daughter.

what are you teaching them? that it's wrong? or to use it to their advantage?

[Anonymous]

They are very similar to women despite denying it all the time.

The ones who think they know themselves well probably know themselves less than the ones who seem a bit closed off and reserved.

They have very strong emotions and cannot show them (don’t know how, after being brought up not to); they don’t really feel safe going in that direction with anyone, especially not a woman they are trying to seduce.

They are really fun and adventurous (well, some are). They live for the moment and check their worries at the door (well, some do) so when you’re out for dinner you can count on fun banter and not a therapy session. They are aware of the fact that their problems are not your problems. They are good team players that way.

They will help their friends and family whenever asked and will want to make you proud. But you gotta ask, they are not mind readers.

They are grateful for your time, for cooked food, for good sex, for your love. They might admit it about the food, but you can tell about the rest. :p

They take more risks (well, some do). They will also understand the men that live similarly and these types of men will stand by each other (for better or, often, for the worse :/) because the world wasn’t made for them.

Many do kind of travel in packs and like to identify leaders of their packs.

They like speed and things that have wheels and wings. (See risks and fun, above.)

They really just want to be accepted and not judged. That’s pretty much it.

That’s been my experience. I’ve had great luck not to come across predators, jerks (except from a distance) and the like. I have incredible guy friends and a DH who is my rock and our kids’ biggest hero.

—-

Alll that said, we live in a patriarchy where women are deprived their humanity and the ability to reach their potential. Just the other day women in ICELAND were on strike due to economic discrimination and sexual abuse. So, men are also all kinds of other, terrible things. I’ve just been able to skate around them and only tangentially suffer the consequences of a misogynistic world. A minority of insecure men spoil it for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

I have learned that there are good men out there, despite what you hear constantly on sites like this. I had a good dad, and now I have a good husband. I had a good FIL before he passed. I’m raising a good son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They only care about sex. If you don’t meet their “needs” be prepared for misery that’s all your own fault.

+1

And that they will do as much or as little as they can get away with.

[Anonymous]

Even the best of them expect sex and will act like toddlers if they don’t get their preferred frequency. They also struggle with empathy. Many people do, but men in particular struggle more than many women. It’s a brain chemistry thing.

[Anonymous]

If you complain about something, they will try to find a solution. They don't want to just listen to a problem (even though sometimes that's all you want them to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They love sex. The end

I learned that many men are chronically angry and hurt because of what they've experienced. Most people didn't have DCUM-perfect lives. Some of these men make amazing, solid partners. Some of them are abusive MOFOs. Know the red flags / signs of a person who shows healthy, legitimate anger vs a person who is lashing out abusively, or showing early signs of abuse. Do not confuse the two. Leave the abusive one, no matter how attractive.

For the angry non-abusive one - maybe it's a person who had too many bad experiences but is stronger and wiser for it. So treat him well, respect where he's coming from.

I believe just as many women have experienced adversity in their lives but far less of them are chronically angry. I equate chronically angry and lashing out with men (esp after middle age).

[Anonymous]

Men want someone attractive (subjectively to them, however that looks), kind, can hold a conversation beyond reality tv, has a degree, doesn’t insult them and likes sex a lot.

Really it’s that simple. Be nice. Be more easy going. Don’t nag and harangue too much. And just bone.

I’m probably getting divorced soon, so don’t listen to me, but as a man, that’s my advice.

[Anonymous]

They are full of themselves. They are not as great as they think they are in all aspects (e.g. career, looks, sports, sex, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Men with moral integrity and ambition make good husbands because their convictions and goals stop them from immoral, illegal, unethical things so you don't have to police them or face consequences like fickleness, affairs, abuse, crime, debt, drugs, divorce etc.

To understand men, look at their fathers. If father has bad traits, it messes up his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men want someone attractive (subjectively to them, however that looks), kind, can hold a conversation beyond reality tv, has a degree, doesn’t insult them and likes sex a lot.

Really it’s that simple. Be nice. Be more easy going. Don’t nag and harangue too much. And just bone.

I’m probably getting divorced soon, so don’t listen to me, but as a man, that’s my advice.

I spit out my coffee laughing. Thanks, soon to be divorced disney dad.

[Anonymous]

IQ and executive functioning gets cut in half around miniskirts and short shorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men want someone attractive (subjectively to them, however that looks), kind, can hold a conversation beyond reality tv, has a degree, doesn’t insult them and likes sex a lot.

Really it’s that simple. Be nice. Be more easy going. Don’t nag and harangue too much. And just bone.

I’m probably getting divorced soon, so don’t listen to me, but as a man, that’s my advice.

I spit out my coffee laughing. Thanks, soon to be divorced disney dad.

He answered honestly. From a man's perspective. Why do you think that's laughable? You may not be able to be who he needs but it doesn't make it silly.