Found out my 16 year old is vaping

[Anonymous]

My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so devastated as we’ve talked to him repeatedly about drugs and what they do to your body. He was actually hospitalized for a few weeks ago with a severe migraine and I’m now wondering if this was the cause.

Long story short, His younger 13 year old brother outed him. Apparently he has vaped in front of the 13 year old. I was so angry, especially after learning he did it in front of my son. I yelled and did not keep my cool. I made him give me his vapes. He said kids at his school do it, they even do it on the bathroom.

Full disclosure, we don’t live in the DC area. We live out west in a very pro-drug city. I guess what I’m saying is that drugs are legal here and kids have easy access if they want it badly. I am not sure if it’s the same in the DC area but for me, it’s not good because his friends can easily get it and then give it to him. He says the parents of one friend encourages him (not my son, the friend of my son) to sell drugs. Not sure this is true but that’s what he told me.

I am shocked. Thinking of moving overseas (we are citizens of another country) and my mind is scattered. I have two younger kids and I don’t want them learning it’s acceptable.

I have a feeling everyone is going to tell me this is our new normal. Is it? God that’s awful. A vaping 16 year old? I cannot accept this.

Please tell me what I should do. Any advice? I’m feeling like such a failure as a parent.

Mine, too, OP. Mine has tried both, but has developed a habit with nicotine. Says it helps him get through his day.

He also has friends whose parents supply weed, at least. But there are plenty of places that will selll vapes to minors.

We are struggling with it. But it's so pervasive, we as parents don't have much control over what they do outside the house, including school. Our school has put vaping detectors in the bathrooms and that is helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

Okay. You let your kid make the mistake that involves permanent and irreversible lung damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

If you had a relative who had gotten addicted to this crap as a teen, which is usually when it happens, you'd look at it differently. Death in 50s and 60s from smoking and vaping-related cancers is a very unpleasant way to go.

It's a mistake that is too costly. These are highly addictive behaviors that people struggle with the rest of their lives and can't stop even if they know they should and want to stop and can lead to premature death. I have the same level of seriousness about not driving in a car drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

+1

The DCUM helicopters in full effect

[Anonymous]

Make him watch JUUL with you on Netflix. See if he still wants to vape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

It's not a threat if you follow through. It's stating the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

It's not a threat if you follow through. It's stating the consequences.

+1. It’s just a simple fact. Plus my teen watched their most beloved grandparent die of lung cancer in their early 60’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

You are the problem. Kids need boundaries and parents to enforce so they know what is and isn't acceptable. Permissive parenting is a poison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

You are the problem. Kids need boundaries and parents to enforce so they know what is and isn't acceptable. Permissive parenting is a poison.

+1
Another parent afraid to parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

+1

The DCUM helicopters in full effect

This is laughable. A helicopter is a parent who is over protective and won't allow normal development of independence or interferes with typical social issues or social engineers or talks to their teachers for them long past when it's appropriate.

If you think it's helicoptering to make it clear to your child that vaping won't be tolerated, you have a strange idea of the term and I question if you are a decent parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen knows his life as he knows it would end if we catch him. Done. No phone. No money. No being alone in the house, ever. Rides to school and home with a parent. No seeing friends. Regular search of rooms and bags with no notice. Done. We have told my kids this over and over again. They also saw two close relatives die of smoking-related cancers at an early age.

I have a good friend who caught her son vaping and this is what she did. It worked.

This is so stupid. You can educate your kids and hope they make good decisions but the threats like this are over the top. They are teens. They try things and make mistakes sometimes.

You are the problem. Kids need boundaries and parents to enforce so they know what is and isn't acceptable. Permissive parenting is a poison.

It's not permissive. You can set expectations and give consequences for what you KNOW ABOUT. But teens can do so much stuff that you never find out. You need to teach them, as well, which is much harder than just giving consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Seattle which is why I’m reading this in the middle of the night and if where you live is anything like here, yes, it’s everywhere. But what you need to remember is that vape products- nicotine or weed- are illegal under age 21. You can read your kid the riot act right now. It is not “legal” any more than drugs are “legal” here. Start by not perpetuating the idea that it’s legal or normal to vape weed or nicotine in a public place, let alone for a 16 year old.

Where I live, my kid has 3 of those nasty smoke shops within easy walking distance of our house. They are a pox and I don’t understand how they can exist legally. But the weed and the idea of selling it is the dangerous part with actual legal consequences.

Is your kid buying from someone affiliated with a shady smoke shop or from a HS kid who buys supplies from someone else? Are they buying at school? Do they understand the consequences of paying money for weed or selling it at school or within 1000 feet of a school? It’s certainly not legal there and those are one of the few places in our area where cops are likely to show up on a report of drug use/sale. Your son needs to understand the concepts of a felony, distribution to a minor at least 3 years younger, and how far 1000 feet from a school actually is.

It’s also important to reiterate to you and to your son that it’s not normal. It might be normal within his friend group, but the vast majority of HS ages kids in the area and in the country are not using nicotine or weed. Don’t normalize it! This study is often criticized but the numbers are reflective of local rates of use:

https://nida.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/2022/12/most-reported-substance-use-among-adolescents-held-steady-in-2022

The majority of HSers I know do not have time to vape or use weed. They are doing mountains of homework every night after time-consuming extracurriculars, with a smattering of partying here and there. If your kid has time to regularly vape and obtain vaping supplies, they have too much free time and money. This is not the time for an unstructured childhood of free play and exploration- it’s time for a really time-consuming extracurricular and a paid job. They’ve shown they cannot be trusted with free time and that they are spending your money on illegal activities that are actually harming their health. So they lose their free time and they can start earning their own money.

Let me say upfront I don’t entirely disagree with you. But there are other truths as well…
They vape at school, even the private schools.
They vape WHILE doing homework.
They vape in cars while grabbing their Starbucks etc.

The money from the job helps access things they shouldn’t spend money on.

I have kids with an extra curricular with the most hours I’ve seen, plus work a couple of weekend shifts. They need to find 5 min to stop by the vape shop they know will sell to them or buy at school. Too much time on their hands is not what I’m seeing as a major problem.

[Anonymous]

All the parents saying they are so stern with consequences. All it will do is make your teen try harder to hide things from you and not communicate with you about anything.

Educate and parent. No need for harsh threats. That is not normal