Found out my 16 year old is vaping

[Anonymous]

I’m so devastated as we’ve talked to him repeatedly about drugs and what they do to your body. He was actually hospitalized for a few weeks ago with a severe migraine and I’m now wondering if this was the cause.

Long story short, His younger 13 year old brother outed him. Apparently he has vaped in front of the 13 year old. I was so angry, especially after learning he did it in front of my son. I yelled and did not keep my cool. I made him give me his vapes. He said kids at his school do it, they even do it on the bathroom.

Full disclosure, we don’t live in the DC area. We live out west in a very pro-drug city. I guess what I’m saying is that drugs are legal here and kids have easy access if they want it badly. I am not sure if it’s the same in the DC area but for me, it’s not good because his friends can easily get it and then give it to him. He says the parents of one friend encourages him (not my son, the friend of my son) to sell drugs. Not sure this is true but that’s what he told me.

I am shocked. Thinking of moving overseas (we are citizens of another country) and my mind is scattered. I have two younger kids and I don’t want them learning it’s acceptable.

I have a feeling everyone is going to tell me this is our new normal. Is it? God that’s awful. A vaping 16 year old? I cannot accept this.

Please tell me what I should do. Any advice? I’m feeling like such a failure as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Vaping weed or nicotine?

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school it was common to smoke. I really thought we turned the corner as a country, but now it’s back and common again. Lots of people in their 20s and 30s vape. You do your best OP. I don’t have much advice but (1) it’s not drugs (2) it’s a gateway to drugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vaping weed or nicotine?

He said he’s done both

[Anonymous]

I live in Seattle which is why I’m reading this in the middle of the night and if where you live is anything like here, yes, it’s everywhere. But what you need to remember is that vape products- nicotine or weed- are illegal under age 21. You can read your kid the riot act right now. It is not “legal” any more than drugs are “legal” here. Start by not perpetuating the idea that it’s legal or normal to vape weed or nicotine in a public place, let alone for a 16 year old.

Where I live, my kid has 3 of those nasty smoke shops within easy walking distance of our house. They are a pox and I don’t understand how they can exist legally. But the weed and the idea of selling it is the dangerous part with actual legal consequences.

Is your kid buying from someone affiliated with a shady smoke shop or from a HS kid who buys supplies from someone else? Are they buying at school? Do they understand the consequences of paying money for weed or selling it at school or within 1000 feet of a school? It’s certainly not legal there and those are one of the few places in our area where cops are likely to show up on a report of drug use/sale. Your son needs to understand the concepts of a felony, distribution to a minor at least 3 years younger, and how far 1000 feet from a school actually is.

It’s also important to reiterate to you and to your son that it’s not normal. It might be normal within his friend group, but the vast majority of HS ages kids in the area and in the country are not using nicotine or weed. Don’t normalize it! This study is often criticized but the numbers are reflective of local rates of use:

https://nida.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/2022/12/most-reported-substance-use-among-adolescents-held-steady-in-2022

The majority of HSers I know do not have time to vape or use weed. They are doing mountains of homework every night after time-consuming extracurriculars, with a smattering of partying here and there. If your kid has time to regularly vape and obtain vaping supplies, they have too much free time and money. This is not the time for an unstructured childhood of free play and exploration- it’s time for a really time-consuming extracurricular and a paid job. They’ve shown they cannot be trusted with free time and that they are spending your money on illegal activities that are actually harming their health. So they lose their free time and they can start earning their own money.

[Anonymous]

Show him articles on vaping and how it’s affects male fertility. It helped our older son mid 20’s decide he wanted kids and quit.

[Anonymous]

the way you talk about the city tells me everything I need to know ...

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. American culture and society have really failed you and your son. We no longer care about the youth, just about what's convenient for the individual.

[Anonymous]

I am mom to 15 year old teen in Connecticut and I recently caught him vaping. I am also shocked. I ordered some urine nicotine home test and urine THC home tests to check him regularly. I feel for you OP!

This is so tricky because there is no odor and it's so easy to hide.

My son plays two sports and has tons of homework. It's not like he has a lot of free time but he has found a way it seems.

I appreciate any advice as well.

[Anonymous]

Not normal! I have the same age DD and she knows her entire world would come crashing down if she did this. Her phone, her friends, and Starbucks are her life and she would lose them all and she knows it.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately this is so pervasive. And not particularly new, when I was in HS in the 80s I avoided the girls bathroom because of the cigarette smoking. Walking through the quad to get to the gym was through a haze of smoke. Kids still got hold of weed/pot and came to class high.

My kids are in a small private HS partly due to the pervasiveness of drugs, where there's lower tolerance and stricter enforcement. But of course it still exists and is exploding now after legalization in our state. It seems that among my 11th grader's classmates, there are kids using nicotine instead of ADHD medications, feeling it helps them focus. And others using weed for anxiety.

Our solution isn't for everyone: my husband is a pit bull. My kids know that if they're caught using or with any products, as a PP stated, their lives as they know it would end. Privileges, driving, phones, sports, social life, etc. would end for who knows how long. And he will do it.

[Anonymous]

First, do not be shocked. Second, you are not a failure.

[Anonymous]

You said you live out west in a pro-drug city. That's your first problem. Can't fix that unless you move to a more normal area.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone. One of my kids also became a habitual user. I was devastated. No amount of reasoning or punishing helped. He's in college, doing reasonably, but I want to cry when I think of the damage he's done to his lungs and the amount of money he's wasted. It's taken a toll on our relationship.

[Anonymous]

check out popcorn lung and what vaping does to them.