Would you feel slighted by this (MIL/SIL)

[Anonymous]

I can see this from both sides.

I can understand how if you hosted your MIL for a few days, and especially if you were on maternity leave and feeling a little tender generally, it would be hurtful to hear them go on and on about this plan and how great it was going to be and share all the details. I think probably they should have downplayed it a bit more and MIL should have just told you "I'm doing some 1:1 time with SIL this afternoon, since this is the only time I get to see her on this visit. Do you need anything before I head out with her?" Or something like that. It was rude of them to make a huge deal of it in front of you.

But I also definitely think they should of course be able to plan an outing just the two of them. They have their own relationships and with MIL living far away, may not get to spend this sort of time together this often. It was not rude for them to schedule this outing, at all, and they are under no obligation to invite you. If there's no history of excluding you more generally, I don't think it's fair for you to be upset about being excluded in this situation. Don't you think there will be times when your kids are grown when you might want to hang out 1:1 with one of them and not feel obligated to invite an in-law or someone else?

I'd just let it go. Vent a bit to your DH or to a friend outside the family, you are entitled to your feelings. But they're entitled to their time together too.

[Anonymous]

Completely fine that MIL wants some time alone with her DAUGHTER. Geeze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MIL and SIL are entitled to fun time together, OP, all the more so that their planned outing is not baby-friendly, unless your baby is older and easy.

But maybe you're hurt because MIL did nothing to help you or show gratitude when she was with you? Imposing on a young mother and not helping out is the height of rudeness.

Right on cue.... you are literally making up a reason that the MIL did something wrong to piss off DIL. so damn typical.

+1 where is the hypothetical? PP is goading OP. Probably is the usual Sock-puppet troll. This thread sounds like all the others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If it hurt your feelings (which it frankly shouldn't have) then you should have used your WORDS to convey that and not "acted miffed". Your MIL spent all the time with you and your kid(s) and then wanted to see her kid for a bit, without a baby tagging along to a nice lunch and museum. Is that hard to understand? No diaper changing, nothing revolving around feeding, naps, etc.

100% and by being "miffed" you ensured that you would be the topic of some of the convo at lunch....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - you are reading too much into it.

She wanted an afternoon with her daughter. Take a look at the baby you are holding. One day, when he/she is all grown up and you live a plane ride away, you will want a few hours with just you two.

Enjoy this precious time with your little one.

This. I think it is totally normal for a mother and daughter to want some special time together. If they *always* excluded you, you might have a more valid point, but it sounds like the weekend was spent with a lot of full group time. If my mom normally stayed with me and we missed our usual late night chats before we went to bed, I would want a special afternoon together, too - even if i adored my SIL. And if you had been thinking about that dynamic, it would have been nice for you to encourage them to do something like that so they didn’t feel awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see this from both sides.

I can understand how if you hosted your MIL for a few days, and especially if you were on maternity leave and feeling a little tender generally, it would be hurtful to hear them go on and on about this plan and how great it was going to be and share all the details. I think probably they should have downplayed it a bit more and MIL should have just told you "I'm doing some 1:1 time with SIL this afternoon, since this is the only time I get to see her on this visit. Do you need anything before I head out with her?" Or something like that. It was rude of them to make a huge deal of it in front of you.

But I also definitely think they should of course be able to plan an outing just the two of them. They have their own relationships and with MIL living far away, may not get to spend this sort of time together this often. It was not rude for them to schedule this outing, at all, and they are under no obligation to invite you. If there's no history of excluding you more generally, I don't think it's fair for you to be upset about being excluded in this situation. Don't you think there will be times when your kids are grown when you might want to hang out 1:1 with one of them and not feel obligated to invite an in-law or someone else?

I'd just let it go. Vent a bit to your DH or to a friend outside the family, you are entitled to your feelings. But they're entitled to their time together too.

+1

I think your MIL and SIL could have handled this with a little more tact and grace. Of they have the right to some 1:1 time but it sounds like your MIL comes regularly even though it's a plane ride away? In which case this may have been the one circumstance to show a little extra kindness because you just had a baby and are going through a lot. That being said I think you have to let it go and just vent to a friend.

[Anonymous]

Wait. I totally get OP and think it is beyond rude to not ask her to join them. If I was OP I would have said no, absolutely no way does that sound fun and would have loved to get some time alone, but I am introvert and hate hosting people at my home.

[Anonymous]

OP, you shouldn’t be miffed. It’s completely understandable they’d want mother-daughter time. Plus, did you have someone to watch baby? Even more understandable that they wanted an adult outing. (Maybe they would have invited you if you had an obvious option for a sitter?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. I totally get OP and think it is beyond rude to not ask her to join them. If I was OP I would have said no, absolutely no way does that sound fun and would have loved to get some time alone, but I am introvert and hate hosting people at my home.

You think it's rude they didn't ask her to join but also you would not have agreed to go if it was you?

I do not think it was rude for them not to invite OP. I think it might have been a bit insensitive to talk it up so much in front of her since she wasn't invited. I also think OP probably is feeling a bit more sensitive than usual because she just had a baby and might be feeling kind of lonely (I definitely felt lonely on my mat leave).

I think the solution to all of this is for OP to call up a friend and ask if they'd like to grab lunch and go to a museum, and maybe even hire a sitter or make arrangement with DH to facilitate it. The problem isn't really MIL/SIL. It's that OP feels cooped up at home and needs to get out.

[Anonymous]

I might feel slighted but also relieved. Let the feeling go, I don't think they meant to be rude. Or maybe they did. Either way, it will still serve you to just let it go.

[Anonymous]

off base
looking to feel slighted

[Anonymous]

She’s been with you a few days and now gets to spend an afternoon with her daughter. You’re looking for a fight.

[Anonymous]

You are wrong. There is nothing wrong with you MIL doing lunch with her daughter without you even if she is staying with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you shouldn’t be miffed. It’s completely understandable they’d want mother-daughter time. Plus, did you have someone to watch baby? Even more understandable that they wanted an adult outing. (Maybe they would have invited you if you had an obvious option for a sitter?)

Just to play devil's advocate for a second, after a week at home with my newborn I was going stir crazy and popped her in a sling and went all over - museums, brunches, lunches, walks, coffee meetups with friends, errands, etc. I wasn't going to leave my newborn with a sitter and she slept on me as we walked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you shouldn’t be miffed. It’s completely understandable they’d want mother-daughter time. Plus, did you have someone to watch baby? Even more understandable that they wanted an adult outing. (Maybe they would have invited you if you had an obvious option for a sitter?)

Just to play devil's advocate for a second, after a week at home with my newborn I was going stir crazy and popped her in a sling and went all over - museums, brunches, lunches, walks, coffee meetups with friends, errands, etc. I wasn't going to leave my newborn with a sitter and she slept on me as we walked.

I took a my baby all over the place when I was on maternity leave, including to lunch with friends and family and to museums. But that's really not the point. OP's MIL and SIL wanted to do an outing just the two of them. It's not about OP's baby or what is an appropriate place to take a baby.

They shouldn't have made such a big deal of it in front of OP, but it's okay they wanted to do it just the two of them.