4th grade girl struggling at new school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not so much the school, but the age. Girls this age are tough. They aren't very welcoming to newcomers either. It's hard to be the new girl and find your group. If these other girls have known each other for years, it will probably take your daughter years to settle in and be accepted.

Agree. And at a small school, it's even harder to be the new kid because it can be harder to "find your people." Any change you could switch back to the old school? Why did you change? No judgment - just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you switch schools OP? I actually hear this a lot from parents at small private schools. They think its going to be nurturing or something and it just isn't.

Yup, the new school advertised itself as being more nurturing. She was at a language immersion school that was underperforming academically and was annoying to get to, new school is walking distance.

Off topic but immersion school kids, I’ve noticed, tend to be friendly and well behaved.

[Anonymous]

I think it's really hard to switch into any new school as a 4th grade girl, so I definitely wouldn't chalk this up to being school-specific. (2nd grade seems to be the last truly sweet spot where switching is easy for a well-adjusted kid; 3rd grade works if they're outgoing or find a good fit.) It's one of the reasons I'm always surprised by how many people play the lottery to go to a slightly "better" school for 1-2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you switch schools OP? I actually hear this a lot from parents at small private schools. They think its going to be nurturing or something and it just isn't.

Yup, the new school advertised itself as being more nurturing. She was at a language immersion school that was underperforming academically and was annoying to get to, new school is walking distance.

Off topic but immersion school kids, I’ve noticed, tend to be friendly and well behaved.

Not our experience on the well-behaved front... at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really hard to switch into any new school as a 4th grade girl, so I definitely wouldn't chalk this up to being school-specific. (2nd grade seems to be the last truly sweet spot where switching is easy for a well-adjusted kid; 3rd grade works if they're outgoing or find a good fit.) It's one of the reasons I'm always surprised by how many people play the lottery to go to a slightly "better" school for 1-2 years.

It's not for 1-2 years, it's for 5 years and our former school was not preparing them for high school--most parents had to invest in outside math and ELA classes on top of paying for tuition and squeezing out time for other activities and rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you switch schools OP? I actually hear this a lot from parents at small private schools. They think its going to be nurturing or something and it just isn't.

Academics. Her child is "very advanced" and was bored in school. Yet somehow didn't get into AAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really hard to switch into any new school as a 4th grade girl, so I definitely wouldn't chalk this up to being school-specific. (2nd grade seems to be the last truly sweet spot where switching is easy for a well-adjusted kid; 3rd grade works if they're outgoing or find a good fit.) It's one of the reasons I'm always surprised by how many people play the lottery to go to a slightly "better" school for 1-2 years.

It's not for 1-2 years, it's for 5 years and our former school was not preparing them for high school--most parents had to invest in outside math and ELA classes on top of paying for tuition and squeezing out time for other activities and rest.

I’d put up with slightly less academics of it meant my kid was not the target of a hostile climate. Grass is not greener

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really hard to switch into any new school as a 4th grade girl, so I definitely wouldn't chalk this up to being school-specific. (2nd grade seems to be the last truly sweet spot where switching is easy for a well-adjusted kid; 3rd grade works if they're outgoing or find a good fit.) It's one of the reasons I'm always surprised by how many people play the lottery to go to a slightly "better" school for 1-2 years.

It's not for 1-2 years, it's for 5 years and our former school was not preparing them for high school--most parents had to invest in outside math and ELA classes on top of paying for tuition and squeezing out time for other activities and rest.

Get to know the parents of the other girls moms. The holidays are coming up. Considering planning a get together and invite all the girls. Is there a school closure day coming up reach out now to moms to ask what they do on those days. A lot of times there will be planned play dates.

The age and small school is tough. The girls that are there - they can find change difficult. They are anxious around new people or some might worry they might not be liked by the new girl or the other girls will like the new girl and not them. Also reach out to the teacher and talk to her. I would encourage have a conversation with him/her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really hard to switch into any new school as a 4th grade girl, so I definitely wouldn't chalk this up to being school-specific. (2nd grade seems to be the last truly sweet spot where switching is easy for a well-adjusted kid; 3rd grade works if they're outgoing or find a good fit.) It's one of the reasons I'm always surprised by how many people play the lottery to go to a slightly "better" school for 1-2 years.

I have a 5th grader that just switched schools (mid-sized public school) and she has transitioned in very nicely - I think the kids have been really welcoming because they're so used to switching classes and having new kids/different kids in their class each year. I will say that I was really worried, though, because 4th grade was definitely the year that some girls started maturing faster than others, and girls (especially those with older siblings) were not very nice to each other, definitely some catty/bullying behavior in 4th grade. So I agree that some of this is just that age is horrible, and some of this is because it's a small private where the kids already have strong relationships with only each other and don't have the opportunity to mix it up with a new class every year.

[Anonymous]

It’s harder in privates. Public schools are just used to more kids and it’s more natural for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s harder in privates. Public schools are just used to more kids and it’s more natural for them.

I think this is true. I have daughters in 3rd and 5th at a solid public. I hear about some of this stuff, but I think they always have the flexibility to spend time with other girls who aren’t behaving badly… because it’s a bigger school. I’m still bracing myself for middle school, though. Also, my 5th grader suddenly stopped telling me about what’s going on socially and I only hear tidbits from her best friend’s mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you switch schools OP? I actually hear this a lot from parents at small private schools. They think its going to be nurturing or something and it just isn't.

Well, I am having a way worse time at public school with mean girls. 100 times worse. Switching to private. We were at private two years ago and did not have these issues.

I mean….your kid was also younger then, no?

I have two kids. No issues at the private school for either kid—so I can compare grades …older kid was same age in private as younger kid is now in public. We are switching back to private. Both kids having bad experiences at an FCPS elementary school.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are having this challenge. But remember, it's still early days and your DD has been successful in finding and keeping friends in the past. All it takes is some opportunities of shared enjoyment, maybe being coupled with someone for a project or group work, or a common sports team. Use it as a time to help build resiliency, while doing what you are doing (reaching out for support from school), inviting kids over for playdates, and having her enjoy time with her old friends. It's ok to have close friends that don't go to school with you. But I promise, she'll make some. And next year, classes will be mixed up, so new kids and different dynamic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you switch schools OP? I actually hear this a lot from parents at small private schools. They think its going to be nurturing or something and it just isn't.

Academics. Her child is "very advanced" and was bored in school. Yet somehow didn't get into AAP.

OP here, hahaha I never ever said that. First of all, I don't even know what AAP but if it's advanced classes DD would not have been accepted. It's the opposite, DD was not doing great on standardized tests, could barely write in either language and never even got feedback on her work. The old school was a mess, focused more on funding new buildings vs. teaching and recess time was filled with violence and no supervision.

[Anonymous]

My 4th and 2nd grader just moved from a private school to a public school given we relocated. I was very worried about my 4th grader given he is very introverted but he seems to be thriving and he had a blast ToT with his new friends. My 2nd grader is thriving because the school really meets her needs and she is an extrovert. It takes time but it will work out.