Navigating dating apps and connecting with multiple people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

So in other words you're a time waster and a professional dater.

I am like the prior poster but I'm male. I think her approach is typical but some women have been turned off by it when I do it. I may have missed out on a promising relationship or two because a few women didn't like the fact that I was having coffee dates with multiple women.

Unfortunately, the alternative is also bad. Most women I meet are meeting multiple men, even when they imply they're not, and most first dates lead to nothing beyond a nice conversation. I've also found it really hard to predict who would have physical and emotional chemistry with me. So I will probably continue to meet multiple women.

I've become a much less trusting person since I started online dating. A lot of women make it very hard to know whether I'm the main target or just a backup plan. After a few really tough disappointments, i sometimes act the same way.

I mean it sounds like you're not really getting to know them before asking them on a date. You probably just messaged them and say your number or ask them for their number first, which means that you don't even ask questions like that are important. First, ask them if they are meeting multiple men and what they're looking for. Ask them if they had any luck on this app and ask for more pictures or video chat them before meeting. Set up video dates if possible or talk on the phone for a bit

[Anonymous]

I always set up video dates . Could be 2-3 per evening. Then go on coffee dates with 2-3 men who really stand out from these check-ins. It’s usually 2-3 a month so it’s easy to figure out the leader. And I would tell a man after first nudity I’m not going to go out with others giving a chance something to develop or not.

[Anonymous]

Dating is weird now. I am an attractive lady/married once/ kid. I went on three dates with a guy. We split all three bills. At some point, it just didn’t feel romantic. I would have liked him to be more generous and not transactional. Obviously there were other issues but it did not help that it didn’t feel like a romancing date-

I actually made more money than he did (and my net wealth is a lot more) so it’s not like I needed him to foot the bill. Still… nonetheless, felt like he could have planned the date and or picked up the tab. I did both- all times. At some point, I like relaxing and it being alpha all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Treat it like a part time job. Have low expectations. Don't get emotionally involved until you have met someone a number of times.

Enjoy the moment.

Let the man make the plans and plan the date. The woman can always tweak the plans if needed for safety.

[Anonymous]

17:50 poster

Don't do eternal texting. If the man does not ask you out soon stop texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating is weird now. I am an attractive lady/married once/ kid. I went on three dates with a guy. We split all three bills. At some point, it just didn’t feel romantic. I would have liked him to be more generous and not transactional. Obviously there were other issues but it did not help that it didn’t feel like a romancing date-

I actually made more money than he did (and my net wealth is a lot more) so it’s not like I needed him to foot the bill. Still… nonetheless, felt like he could have planned the date and or picked up the tab. I did both- all times. At some point, I like relaxing and it being alpha all of the time.

I tell the man that he plans the date. You can learn a lot this way.

[Anonymous]

Dating is about meeting multiple people early on.

Enjoy the dates.

AVOID AVOID AVOID anyone that wants to be exclusive before you have even met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating is weird now. I am an attractive lady/married once/ kid. I went on three dates with a guy. We split all three bills. At some point, it just didn’t feel romantic. I would have liked him to be more generous and not transactional. Obviously there were other issues but it did not help that it didn’t feel like a romancing date-

I actually made more money than he did (and my net wealth is a lot more) so it’s not like I needed him to foot the bill. Still… nonetheless, felt like he could have planned the date and or picked up the tab. I did both- all times. At some point, I like relaxing and it being alpha all of the time.

I tell the man that he plans the date. You can learn a lot this way.

I know. This man just didn’t plan anything. I really wanted to give him a try. II even told him what I was interested in! I moved on.

btw, gentlemen: if the guy takes me to a show or ballet that is worth ten dates for me!

[Anonymous]

A lot of women and men have large debts post divorce.

I remember being shocked when the socially prominent lawyer in town, considered to be a catch, told me he had over $100,000 on credit cards post divorce.

[Anonymous]

Do you live in a small town? Also, I hate guys who over share with their dates or girlfriends post divorce. They need to stop doing that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women and men have large debts post divorce.

I remember being shocked when the socially prominent lawyer in town, considered to be a catch, told me he had over $100,000 on credit cards post divorce.

This answers why I hate lawyers (and don’t date ‘em) This one sounds like a donkey.

Give me a business guy or … any other professional to date.

[Anonymous]

Hahah my ex makes like 400k/year but he’s way over $300k in credit card and IRS debt.
He is the definition of “fronter”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating is weird now. I am an attractive lady/married once/ kid. I went on three dates with a guy. We split all three bills. At some point, it just didn’t feel romantic. I would have liked him to be more generous and not transactional. Obviously there were other issues but it did not help that it didn’t feel like a romancing date-

I actually made more money than he did (and my net wealth is a lot more) so it’s not like I needed him to foot the bill. Still… nonetheless, felt like he could have planned the date and or picked up the tab. I did both- all times. At some point, I like relaxing and it being alpha all of the time.

You have already discussed salary/net worth after 3 dates?!

[Anonymous]

I think I am the OP that started this thread. I reconnected with the person that prompted the thread. He moved back to his hometown for 6 months and now he is back. He was the worst date. He suggested that we spend a couple of days at a resort because he knew I was stressed from work, and needed a break. I I drove an hour and a half away to the resort, and even picked him up along the way. He lives close to it. Guess who he thought should pick up the whole bill… Me! I was already happy to split the cost, but he expected me to pay the whole stay. I paid for the first night and then left first thing in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

You're freaking about someone talking to other people?