Navigating dating apps and connecting with multiple people

[Anonymous]

I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat. I found it to be easier if you limit the number of conversations and dates. If those don’t work, return and keep swiping. Otherwise can be overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

[Anonymous]

I used Bumble, would post my profile for a few days, connect with a few guys and disable my profile while I worked through the ones I connected with. If nothing came from that a month or two later or whenever I would get bored I’d start the process over. In my opinion online dating is all about timing. Different people are single at different times. So if you can’t find a good match in the current batch of singles you can wait a month or two or three and see what’s changed.

I never worried about men interacting with other women, it’s online dating and it is what it is. I took a long time after my divorce to really learn to love myself and by the time I was looking for a partner I was in a really healthy place. I had decent self esteem and didn’t take anything personally. And I felt good enough about myself to not get disappointed if something didn’t work out.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you. These suggestions and tips are helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

[Anonymous]

I usually don't communicate with more than 2 at a time. But I'm always looking and when one flakes, I'm usually talking to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

So in other words you're a time waster and a professional dater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

So in other words you're a time waster and a professional dater.

I would agree with this assessment as a time waster, and I'm woman over 60 and used to the guy picking up the tab. But expecting a guy to pay for the first date in an OLD setting? That's just not cool. We're all invested equally, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I can't even find multiple men worth talking to on dating apps. Juggling many simultaneously??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't even find multiple men worth talking to on dating apps. Juggling many simultaneously??

Not possible. Whenever a married woman posts on her about some minor thing her DH did, people are quick to suggest divorce since there are so many men out there willing to date her instead and meet all her requirements. What's your age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

So in other words you're a time waster and a professional dater.

I would agree with this assessment as a time waster, and I'm woman over 60 and used to the guy picking up the tab. But expecting a guy to pay for the first date in an OLD setting? That's just not cool. We're all invested equally, IMO.

I (a man) don't have any problem with OP letting the guy pay on the first date, especially since it's inexpensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

So in other words you're a time waster and a professional dater.

I would agree with this assessment as a time waster, and I'm woman over 60 and used to the guy picking up the tab. But expecting a guy to pay for the first date in an OLD setting? That's just not cool. We're all invested equally, IMO.

I (a man) don't have any problem with OP letting the guy pay on the first date, especially since it's inexpensive.

No OP but also a woman here. I also always only would agree to a daytime coffee date as an intro. But if he’s hesitating to offer me a coffee or tea at the bakery - no point to see him again. Great way to test if he’s attracted or really cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping for feedback on how to navigate the dating app world, and connecting with multiple people. I know there are so many options now on these apps, and people chat and connect with many people at the same time. How do you keep my cool when you like someone, but you know they are connecting with others? I am doing the same. We all need to figure out our comfort zones.

1. Bumble. Women message first so it culls the number of messages to filter through.

2. It’s okay to go deeper with someone and meet them first. I had a hard time being actually interested in someone and trying to maintain side chats. So meet asap and then figure out if they’re worth seeing again. If not, then move down the list.

3. If you’re looking for a relationship and not playing games, say it! Other people at that level will also say so. When I asked my current partner what he was looking for, he said “ideally a life partner” but he knew he couldn’t find one immediately. Others will say casual, hookup, etc.

+100

I used Bumble, would pick a few to chat with, and pause it to focus. If any worked out, I’d see it out. I am divorced and not in a rush for marriage and babies. First dates I let the guy pay but I intentionally kept them simple and short and casual - walk, drink, coffee. I vetted thoroughly and didn’t kiss or hookup first dates.

So in other words you're a time waster and a professional dater.

I am like the prior poster but I'm male. I think her approach is typical but some women have been turned off by it when I do it. I may have missed out on a promising relationship or two because a few women didn't like the fact that I was having coffee dates with multiple women.

Unfortunately, the alternative is also bad. Most women I meet are meeting multiple men, even when they imply they're not, and most first dates lead to nothing beyond a nice conversation. I've also found it really hard to predict who would have physical and emotional chemistry with me. So I will probably continue to meet multiple women.

I've become a much less trusting person since I started online dating. A lot of women make it very hard to know whether I'm the main target or just a backup plan. After a few really tough disappointments, i sometimes act the same way.