I don’t think I’m a lesbian...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... but I’ve recently been crushing HARD on another woman! I’m 46 and I’ve never experienced this. I can’t get her out of my head and am so excited to see her. I can’t sleep at night because I just fantasize about her. I’m happily married to a man with kids. I know I’ll NEVER act on this, but am so perplexed by these feelings. I believe the woman is lesbian and has a subtle masculine vibe. Why is this happening?

I highly doubt it that you made it to 46 and didn’t know you were bisexual before. My guess is that you’re starting to go through the change. Hormones drive sexuality for a lot of us.

I do not. Female sexuality is fluid. And meaningful connection don’t come very often. And yes, occasionally we crush hard on someone, regardless of the gender. Go read the “how do I get over my crush” thread in the relationship forum. Many just don’t. Does anyone still remember the “Falling in Love” movie from the 80s?

[Anonymous]

OP here - so I suspect my crush knows I have a crush on her and to me it appeared she felt the same (we’d both be awkward in conversation, we couldn’t look at each other, etc). Then all of a sudden, she seemed cold and standoffish one day. I saw her again after that interaction, and we were no longer awkward, and butterflies were gone. I know I still have a crush on her, but energy is different... like she no longer likes me” like that”... I feel a little sad. I’m trying not to dwell and avoid her. I wonder if I did anything wrong, or maybe she knows it wasn’t going to lead to anything... I just feel sad... is it because she’s a lesbian and she clearly knows I’m heterosexual?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]OP here - so I suspect my crush knows I have a crush on her and to me it appeared she felt the same (we’d both be awkward in conversation, we couldn’t look at each other, etc). Then all of a sudden, she seemed cold and standoffish one day. I saw her again after that interaction, and we were no longer awkward, and butterflies were gone. I know I still have a crush on her, but energy is different... like she no longer likes me” like that”... I feel a little sad. I’m trying not to dwell and avoid her. I wonder if I did anything wrong, or maybe she knows it wasn’t going to lead to anything... I just feel sad... is it because she’s a lesbian and she clearly knows I’m heterosexual? [/quote]

NP. Just my take, but maybe she's trying to protect her heart. I don't think you did anything wrong necessarily, but maybe she doesn't want to go down this path of uncertainty since you say you are straight.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - so I suspect my crush knows I have a crush on her and to me it appeared she felt the same (we’d both be awkward in conversation, we couldn’t look at each other, etc). Then all of a sudden, she seemed cold and standoffish one day. I saw her again after that interaction, and we were no longer awkward, and butterflies were gone. I know I still have a crush on her, but energy is different... like she no longer likes me” like that”... I feel a little sad. I’m trying not to dwell and avoid her. I wonder if I did anything wrong, or maybe she knows it wasn’t going to lead to anything... I just feel sad... is it because she’s a lesbian and she clearly knows I’m heterosexual? [/quote]

NP. Just my take, but maybe she's trying to protect her heart. I don't think you did anything wrong necessarily, but maybe she doesn't want to go down this path of uncertainty since you say you are straight.[/quote]

Yes. This.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. Rolling my eyes at this troll. Sounds like a creep messing with you ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Rolling my eyes at this troll. Sounds like a creep messing with you ladies.

You are probably right!

[Anonymous]

I had an intense crush on the FedEx delivery woman many years ago. She was seemingly masculine and very cute. I couldn't wait to see her whenever I had to send or receive a package. We ended up boing out and I ended up at her apartment...Needless to say, she ended up being very emotionally mushy and I physically was not attracted to her after all. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. She was a nice person though. Sometimes fantast should be left as just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an intense crush on the FedEx delivery woman many years ago. She was seemingly masculine and very cute. I couldn't wait to see her whenever I had to send or receive a package. We ended up boing out and I ended up at her apartment...Needless to say, she ended up being very emotionally mushy and I physically was not attracted to her after all. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. She was a nice person though. Sometimes fantast should be left as just that.

OP here - thanks for this! My fantasies about her are intense! I tried avoiding her for a while, but now see her regularly about once a week for about 30 minutes (work related so I couldn’t avoid her) and it’s truly the highlight of my week! I’ve thought about asking her out for a drink sometime, but then again that’ll make things too real! I play out the scenario in my head and although I think I’d love to kiss her, I’m too scared to cross the line. I’ll think of this story if I ever get close to wanting to cross the line!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an intense crush on the FedEx delivery woman many years ago. She was seemingly masculine and very cute. I couldn't wait to see her whenever I had to send or receive a package. We ended up boing out and I ended up at her apartment...Needless to say, she ended up being very emotionally mushy and I physically was not attracted to her after all. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. She was a nice person though. Sometimes fantast should be left as just that.

OP here - thanks for this! My fantasies about her are intense! I tried avoiding her for a while, but now see her regularly about once a week for about 30 minutes (work related so I couldn’t avoid her) and it’s truly the highlight of my week! I’ve thought about asking her out for a drink sometime, but then again that’ll make things too real! I play out the scenario in my head and although I think I’d love to kiss her, I’m too scared to cross the line. I’ll think of this story if I ever get close to wanting to cross the line!

YOLO. Just go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’ve contemplated everything posted here. I’ve even thought maybe it’s just something missing in my marriage... I don’t think so though. I’ve tried avoiding her recently just to get her out of my mind, but when I do see her my heart literally races! I have a feeling she knows I have a crush on her... just little things give me that sense... ugh..

Ask her to lunch/dinner and just talk. You may see its nothing. If it is, see where it goes

[Anonymous]

OP here - just as an update, I never did strike up the nerve to ask her out. She started being more distant with me. I tried to flirt with her subtly, but didn’t get any reciprocal feelings from her. At one point, I did… but it seems she started to pull back. I mentioned she in an earlier post that I found out she has a girlfriend so maybe she wants to establish boundaries. To be honest, I’m so sad about it. Again, IM MARRIED!… I feel silly, but I think I was creating so many fantasies in my head. I’m just trying to avoid her now, but im sad. I haven’t had a crush like this in a long time! It really sucks feeling rejected, but it’s probably for the best. 😔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - just as an update, I never did strike up the nerve to ask her out. She started being more distant with me. I tried to flirt with her subtly, but didn’t get any reciprocal feelings from her. At one point, I did… but it seems she started to pull back. I mentioned she in an earlier post that I found out she has a girlfriend so maybe she wants to establish boundaries. To be honest, I’m so sad about it. Again, IM MARRIED!… I feel silly, but I think I was creating so many fantasies in my head. I’m just trying to avoid her now, but im sad. I haven’t had a crush like this in a long time! It really sucks feeling rejected, but it’s probably for the best. 😔

Regardless of my sexual orientation, I would not be interested in someone who is married.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same boat. Turns out I am a lesbian, just didn't realize it. Fast forward 7 years and I am divorced from my Husband and happily married to my Wife.

[Anonymous]

Yup, same here going through exactly this now. It’s confusing and amazing.

[Anonymous]

You’re sad you aren’t able to cheat on your husband? If she’s avoiding you or acting cold, it’s because you’ve made her uncomfortable and are behaving in an unprofessional manner; she’s a colleague, and there are boundaries. Flirting at work when it’s unwelcome is creepy, even if you’re both women. Avoiding her is equally unprofessional. Just act professional - fake it until you make it.