I don’t think I’m a lesbian...

[Anonymous]

... but I’ve recently been crushing HARD on another woman! I’m 46 and I’ve never experienced this. I can’t get her out of my head and am so excited to see her. I can’t sleep at night because I just fantasize about her. I’m happily married to a man with kids. I know I’ll NEVER act on this, but am so perplexed by these feelings. I believe the woman is lesbian and has a subtle masculine vibe. Why is this happening?

[Anonymous]

Because human sexuality is not binary. You’re not the first straight woman to crush on a masc lesbian. I’ve seen it happen a lot.

Is there something going on in your life that you’re resorting to fantasy for relief? Is perimenopause causing new anxiety? If no to those things, then it’s just a crush. Enjoy it. They don’t last very long.

[Anonymous]

You could be BI, a lot of us are. You just hadn’t realized that other part of yourself until now.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people are bisexual. Bi people aren’t 50/50 men/women. They can be 70/30 or even 99.9/.1. That last one might essentially seem straight but it’s still bisexual it just heavily leans towards men. A great many people have thoughts now and then that they dismiss or blow off. Many people are straight but lots are at least a little bi and it’s completely normal and doesn’t mean you have to act on it since you’re married.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I’ve contemplated everything posted here. I’ve even thought maybe it’s just something missing in my marriage... I don’t think so though. I’ve tried avoiding her recently just to get her out of my mind, but when I do see her my heart literally races! I have a feeling she knows I have a crush on her... just little things give me that sense... ugh..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’ve contemplated everything posted here. I’ve even thought maybe it’s just something missing in my marriage... I don’t think so though. I’ve tried avoiding her recently just to get her out of my mind, but when I do see her my heart literally races! I have a feeling she knows I have a crush on her... just little things give me that sense... ugh..

Completely straight people fall in love with people of the opposite gender when they're already married all the time. Bisexual people are just like everyone else but we can have this happen for opposite sex or same sex people. You stated in your OP that you would never act on it because you're committed and monogamous. That's the same choice every straight person has when they start to fall for someone other than the person they're married to. You're very normal.

[Anonymous]

If it’s me that you have a crush on, then I want you to know that I have a crush on you, too. I always had. From the moment we met. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

You said you have a crush on her and can't stop thinking about her and you are so excited to see her. But do you actually want to have sex with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said you have a crush on her and can't stop thinking about her and you are so excited to see her. But do you actually want to have sex with her?

I was wondering the same thing. I get super excited to talk to or be with people of all genders- not everyone but I’m sometimes surprised about how excited I am to see some people - I feel it marks some really special relationships. I don’t, however wish to engage sexually with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you have a crush on her and can't stop thinking about her and you are so excited to see her. But do you actually want to have sex with her?

I was wondering the same thing. I get super excited to talk to or be with people of all genders- not everyone but I’m sometimes surprised about how excited I am to see some people - I feel it marks some really special relationships. I don’t, however wish to engage sexually with them.

Exactly. I am what is considered a somewhat masculine woman in many ways and have many traditionally masculine interests but the way I know I'm not a lesbian is that I have consistently my whole long life been attracted to males and wanted to have sex with them. I assume this is how it works for gay and bi people too.

[Anonymous]

See if your husband will give you a hall pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See if your husband will give you a hall pass.

Nah, give the new lady a room pass.

[Anonymous]

OP here - good question! Initially I could NOT even imagine having sex with her! Recently I’ve fantasized about her making out with me (I imagine it being so soft and sensual), and when it comes to sex, my fantasizes are about her doing things to me (so selfish, I know! 😂)... I still can’t envision myself doing sexual things to her! That makes me uncomfortable, but honestly I think I’d be open to it with her! But again, this is all in my head because I hope I never cross that line. I’m happily married to a really good guy and great dad... I’d never want to jeopardize that! But gosh... I wish I were single for one night to just go crazy with her!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... but I’ve recently been crushing HARD on another woman! I’m 46 and I’ve never experienced this. I can’t get her out of my head and am so excited to see her. I can’t sleep at night because I just fantasize about her. I’m happily married to a man with kids. I know I’ll NEVER act on this, but am so perplexed by these feelings. I believe the woman is lesbian and has a subtle masculine vibe. Why is this happening?

Relatable post.
I have a similar surge of adrenaline and sense of meaningful connection with a lesbian acquaintance. The “fantasy” part is not me, but I do get excited when I know I’m going to see her or on the rare occasion that I bump into her unexpectedly. And we both light up and just pick up where we left off. (We are both married—I to a man and she to a woman.) I met her through her wife who was on the PTA committee with me.
We are complete opposites in many ways but we just click and feed off each other’s energy. It gives crush vibes. And I’m 49.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... but I’ve recently been crushing HARD on another woman! I’m 46 and I’ve never experienced this. I can’t get her out of my head and am so excited to see her. I can’t sleep at night because I just fantasize about her. I’m happily married to a man with kids. I know I’ll NEVER act on this, but am so perplexed by these feelings. I believe the woman is lesbian and has a subtle masculine vibe. Why is this happening?

I highly doubt it that you made it to 46 and didn’t know you were bisexual before. My guess is that you’re starting to go through the change. Hormones drive sexuality for a lot of us.