Mistresses/“second wives”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you all say what countries and cultures? I’m not judging but it would be helpful in learning.

OP here. I’m originally from China. All of my uncles on my mom’s side (wealthy) have second wives and kids with them, while none of my uncles on my dad’s side (not wealthy) do.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they should have enforced a one wife policy instead of the one kid policy.

[Anonymous]

A lot of these people already have trophies.

[Anonymous]

My Dutch grandfather was married to my French grandmother and would take his Spanish mistress on vacation with them but grandma didn’t know it. He would book 2 hotel rooms at the same hotel on different floors and go back and forth. Unfortunately the behavior is super common in Europe.

[Anonymous]

I think my DH is too low energy for a second family but maybe it would invigorate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m from a country where mistresses/“second wives” are common, at least among the wealthy, and even somewhat socially accepted. Recently I attended a domestic conference where one of the higher profile speakers brought a guest who appeared to be his mistress (she was certainly not his wife). They engendered quite a bit of gossip at the conference, whereas in my country of origin most people would just shrug. As the saying goes, “not my circus, not my monkeys,” but I thought it was interesting - and bold of the couple who are both American - to say the least, and was curious what DCUM (particularly those born and raised in the US) might make of this.

Was the speaker John Kerry?

He’s notorious for his mistresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dutch grandfather was married to my French grandmother and would take his Spanish mistress on vacation with them but grandma didn’t know it. He would book 2 hotel rooms at the same hotel on different floors and go back and forth. Unfortunately the behavior is super common in Europe.

When alpha men were real men

I bet he was suave and dashing unlike the schlubs on the market today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you all say what countries and cultures? I’m not judging but it would be helpful in learning.

Evangelical Christians? Your leader Trump likes to parade around his mistress n professional settings, doesn’t he?

You mean far-right Republicans. As an Evangelical, I’m proud to have voted against Trump multiple times.

[Anonymous]

I live in Dubai and this is super common among the rich Emirati men. There is a thriving prostitution industry here, with multiple levels created to serve men of various income levels and status. One of my friends here has an apartment in Downtown Dubai, and one of the guys who works at the front security desk of her building tells us about the women who live there in units paid for by their Emirati sugar daddies: these women are the professional mistresses who have "made it" in their industry, I guess. It is kind of sad because they are almost invariably very young (late teens, early 20s) Eastern European girls, and the ones we see in the building with their Emirati beaus are always with a man who is middle aged or older. My husband and I were out to dinner last week and he pointed out one old Emirati man in traditional garb sitting at a booth with a gorgeous girl who looked to be late teens, clearly not Emirati, and wearing a super short skirt. The old man kept stroking her face and moving closer to her and she looked so uncomfortable. All the Emirati men are married young, and many have more than one wife, but the actual wives are Emirati and traditional Muslim, so cover and aren't out in public as much. My friends and I are fascinated to know what the Emirati women think about the prostitutes and mistresses, but also about the circumstances that led to these Eastern European girls ending up here in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from a country where mistresses/“second wives” are common, at least among the wealthy, and even somewhat socially accepted. Recently I attended a domestic conference where one of the higher profile speakers brought a guest who appeared to be his mistress (she was certainly not his wife). They engendered quite a bit of gossip at the conference, whereas in my country of origin most people would just shrug. As the saying goes, “not my circus, not my monkeys,” but I thought it was interesting - and bold of the couple who are both American - to say the least, and was curious what DCUM (particularly those born and raised in the US) might make of this.

Was the speaker John Kerry?

He’s notorious for his mistresses.

Not Kerry, but a similarly important figure in our particular field.

[Anonymous]

Very common in Eastern Europe. One reason is that in the Soviet times, you married early to get an nicer apartment issued to you by the government. Then the USSR collapsed and some people because very successful. Now that the man is successful, he gets rid of the old wife and gets a new, younger version. We'd call it the upgrade wife.

Also there's a rule about bringing your mistress on a family vacation. One weekend night is for the wife and family, and the other for the mistress. The mistress often stayed in her own room at the same hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's beyond weird. It's really, really unprofessional and inappropriate. I would think they're getting some kind of thrill out of it, and I would avoid them both.

In cultures where this is more tolerated, you still have to be discreet and respect that the actual wife gets the public role of "wife". To tour your mistress around a professional context would be considered tasteless and rude. It's not okay to stir the pot and be a drama llama.

I am American but always got the impression mistresses might be in attendance at social gatherings or parties but not at professional or family events as this would look bad or disrespectful. Is this correct? I’m curious to know

I think ppl did bring mistresses to professional events. I know of at least one law firm that doesnt have plus ones at the annual Christmas party to avoid this situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Dubai and this is super common among the rich Emirati men. There is a thriving prostitution industry here, with multiple levels created to serve men of various income levels and status. One of my friends here has an apartment in Downtown Dubai, and one of the guys who works at the front security desk of her building tells us about the women who live there in units paid for by their Emirati sugar daddies: these women are the professional mistresses who have "made it" in their industry, I guess. It is kind of sad because they are almost invariably very young (late teens, early 20s) Eastern European girls, and the ones we see in the building with their Emirati beaus are always with a man who is middle aged or older. My husband and I were out to dinner last week and he pointed out one old Emirati man in traditional garb sitting at a booth with a gorgeous girl who looked to be late teens, clearly not Emirati, and wearing a super short skirt. The old man kept stroking her face and moving closer to her and she looked so uncomfortable. All the Emirati men are married young, and many have more than one wife, but the actual wives are Emirati and traditional Muslim, so cover and aren't out in public as much. My friends and I are fascinated to know what the Emirati women think about the prostitutes and mistresses, but also about the circumstances that led to these Eastern European girls ending up here in these situations.

Despite the heavy competition, which you may have noticed in any nightclub in Dubai, the financial rewards are very good, like $1k-5k/night. If you live in a smaller town in Russia and have no skills, then you're lucky to make $500/month. The money is hard to turn down, even if you're stuck being the "plaything" of some sleazy guy for the night.

[Anonymous]

I come from a country where most men have mistresses. But no one takes them to public events such as conferences unless these events are in a different town or country than the area where the couple resides. If you take your mistress to an event in your area of residence, you will run into your wife's friends, and they will beat you and the mistress up if you are lucky. If you are unlucky, they will call your wife, and she will meet you there.

The mistresses are usually confined to their apartments, hotels or night time activities where the men lie that they are hanging out with their buddies, while their wives want to be home with the children. Most wives and her friends are home at night so the chances of catching these men at night are smaller than during the day time.

Some powerful men get around this by dating the wives of their peers/colleagues. And these are harder to catch because people assume they are just friends and hanging out as a group with other people. When it gets dark, they find each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from a country where most men have mistresses. But no one takes them to public events such as conferences unless these events are in a different town or country than the area where the couple resides. If you take your mistress to an event in your area of residence, you will run into your wife's friends, and they will beat you and the mistress up if you are lucky. If you are unlucky, they will call your wife, and she will meet you there.

The mistresses are usually confined to their apartments, hotels or night time activities where the men lie that they are hanging out with their buddies, while their wives want to be home with the children. Most wives and her friends are home at night so the chances of catching these men at night are smaller than during the day time.

Some powerful men get around this by dating the wives of their peers/colleagues. And these are harder to catch because people assume they are just friends and hanging out as a group with other people. When it gets dark, they find each other.

Yes, the conference was in a different part of the country than where the speaker and his wife reside. However, while it’s clear mistresses are more socially accepted in many parts of the world, the only reason I was surprised was because these people are American!