Rough transition to high school

[Anonymous]

I don’t have a special needs child, so I agree with posters who recommend you seek advice in the SN forum.

But one thing I will say that I think applies here is as well is that you can’t care more about your child’s opportunities and future than he does. There has to be some element of natural consequences that you have to let play it out. It’s the only way teens learn, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The AP class is fine, he is actually getting a good grade there. Middle school was very relaxed with quiz re-takes and allowances for late homework. He never had an iep or a 504, his issues are not with hyperactivity or inattention, it’s with emotional regulation. He has been in the same dose of Concerta since 3rd grade and does not need any adjustments, emotions are under control. I think the issue now is the quantity of homework, he did all his homework at school during middle school during lunch and SOAR (or whatever it’s called). We have never had to monitor him before so it’s all new to us. He does not need accommodations like extended time in exams, but I like the idea of hand delivering the homework.

We're having the same issues. It's pretty normal from what the teacher said. We are heavily monitoring and helping to get though the adjustment. We've always monitored it though.

[Anonymous]

Please reach out to the teachers of the classes he’s struggling in. High school teacher here. We want to hear from parents! You could request a video meeting to brainstorm ideas. Partner with his teachers! And good luck. It’s early days yet and he’ll find his footing!!

[Anonymous]

He was in resource in MS but he doesn't have resource now? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was in resource in MS but he doesn't have resource now? Why not?

He did not have any resources in middle school. He never had an IEP or a 504. He never needed it, he never had any academic or behavioral concerns. This is the first time that he is experiencing academic issues.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know where he goes to school but Whitman has a period for kids to work on this stuff. Some kids drop a language and take a study hall. You can ask his teachers to check in with him about assignments to make sure he understands the expectations, sometimes that is written into a 594 plan. Study pro in McLean used to have six week Saturday get organized classes, I don’t know if they still do, and they also had supervised homework time there after school to take the pressure off the parent child relationship. It might seem like he doesn’t care but it’s probably a defense mechanism. I’m sure he feels overwhelmed. He obviously cares or he wouldn’t have done well in middle school. He no longer has the capacity to manage it all. That’s probably making the adhd and emotion regulation piece even harder. I’d talk to his school counselor about what supports are available with and without a 504. I’d also look to lighten the load as he adjusts. That includes cutting back on extras after school and being really mindful of putting devices away and getting enough sleep. I have found it helps to do my own work next to my child. It just sets the tone.

[Anonymous]

OP - Your husband should know is that you can't make your child care and he has to care at some point or else all your help is pointless.

Don't be embarrassed about emailing your child's teachers. At 14 your child should be able to do it but he is developmentally behind as he has ADHD and teachers understand that.

Suggest you get your child a resource class or study hall. Some schools allow him to have it without a 504 or IEP.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely look into a 504 however, it's only as good as the team implementing it. It's not a cure all. In my experience by high school it is very teacher specific how well it is followed. A lot of teachers leave it to the kid to ask for their accommodations (extra time on tests, reduced distraction testing area etc.,) which is not how it's supposed to work. Most of these kids have a 504 because of their poor executive function skills.

I would also look into an executive function coach. Someone who can really teach your child the skills they will need in college and beyond.

[Anonymous]

504 plan caters to your child's specific needs. My DD has a 504 and doesn't need much, but she does need help with executive functioning-- keeping track of her assignments, etc and they've worked with her to create tools for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in resource in MS but he doesn't have resource now? Why not?

He did not have any resources in middle school. He never had an IEP or a 504. He never needed it, he never had any academic or behavioral concerns. This is the first time that he is experiencing academic issues.

PP is referring to the Resource class that many students with ADHD or other learning differences have included in their schedule in high school. It is a monitored class where kids can get their homework done or catch up on assignments. He would need to drop an elective to sub in this class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is having a rough time with his transition to high school. Mainly missing assignments, failed quizzes, homework done but not uploaded, or uploaded but not submitted etc. This is creating a lot of stress for him and us. My husband wants us (by us he means me) to oversee every aspect of his schooling, did he do his homework, did he submit his homework, etc. I am exhausted from asking about his homework and his grades. I also find it embarrassing emailing his teachers because he is 14. I actually think we should let him fail so that he finds his footing. Husband disagrees. We are stuck in this 3-way fight club where everyone is mad at each other. DS is very bright and had mostly As up to now. I tried to create lists and systems for him but nothing sticks because honestly, he is immature and does not care. He has ADHD and is medicated. I am sure that everything will eventually settle and turn out alright, but meanwhile I am looking for resources that can help him stay more organized and possibly for suggestions of what worked for others? He is in all honors classes, one AP, and has a D in math and English. Math the D is puzzling because he already knows all the material they are going over. English is because there are missing assignments and when I went through the list, all the assignments were uploaded but never submitted.

You let yourself fail at parenting so far. Did you find your footing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is having a rough time with his transition to high school. Mainly missing assignments, failed quizzes, homework done but not uploaded, or uploaded but not submitted etc. This is creating a lot of stress for him and us. My husband wants us (by us he means me) to oversee every aspect of his schooling, did he do his homework, did he submit his homework, etc. I am exhausted from asking about his homework and his grades. I also find it embarrassing emailing his teachers because he is 14. I actually think we should let him fail so that he finds his footing. Husband disagrees. We are stuck in this 3-way fight club where everyone is mad at each other. DS is very bright and had mostly As up to now. I tried to create lists and systems for him but nothing sticks because honestly, he is immature and does not care. He has ADHD and is medicated. I am sure that everything will eventually settle and turn out alright, but meanwhile I am looking for resources that can help him stay more organized and possibly for suggestions of what worked for others? He is in all honors classes, one AP, and has a D in math and English. Math the D is puzzling because he already knows all the material they are going over. English is because there are missing assignments and when I went through the list, all the assignments were uploaded but never submitted.

Tell him to email his teachers.
Spend his free time making him clean up the mess, so he is motivated to get better at maintaining his material.

Help him set up organizational systems. Remember: he has 7 disorganized teachers that he has to keep organized, using terrible but mandated edtech apps. It's not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has ADHD and does not already have a 504 plan to address these executive function deficits you are describing, now is the time to talk to the counselor and get one in place.

NP here with 504 experience, pushing back on this response. At our kids' middle and high schools a 504 would not accomplish/has not accomplished anything for a child with these challenges. Could you detail how a 504 made a difference for your child?

You have got to be kidding me with this question. You really have no idea how this kid can benefit from a 504 in addition to other executive function help???????

I have a student with a 504 and a student with an iep. The 504 is meaningless. It's a way to placate the parents as they go through the stages of grief of having g a SN child that the school board doesn't care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he taking an AP in 9th grade?
It does not sound like he is developmentally ready for an AP level class

You font understand SN. When the child is intellectually ready to take an AP (as demonstrated by the fact they were recommended for it in middle) but lacks the executive functioning skills to succeed in the class. That's a very clear sign that the child needs extra support.

[Anonymous]

My DC does not have ADHD, and they were having the same issues, but in MS. We made DC check online everyday for any missing assignments, and to also make sure that their grade wasn't slipping. Consequences are needed for not checking. They are now in HS (sophmore) and have been better about turning in assignments.

School work should be the #1 priority at this point. Make your DC check everyday. Sit with them everyday and check if you have to. It's a pain, but it's better than letting them flail about.