Rough transition to high school
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Anonymous
| My DS is having a rough time with his transition to high school. Mainly missing assignments, failed quizzes, homework done but not uploaded, or uploaded but not submitted etc. This is creating a lot of stress for him and us. My husband wants us (by us he means me) to oversee every aspect of his schooling, did he do his homework, did he submit his homework, etc. I am exhausted from asking about his homework and his grades. I also find it embarrassing emailing his teachers because he is 14. I actually think we should let him fail so that he finds his footing. Husband disagrees. We are stuck in this 3-way fight club where everyone is mad at each other. DS is very bright and had mostly As up to now. I tried to create lists and systems for him but nothing sticks because honestly, he is immature and does not care. He has ADHD and is medicated. I am sure that everything will eventually settle and turn out alright, but meanwhile I am looking for resources that can help him stay more organized and possibly for suggestions of what worked for others? He is in all honors classes, one AP, and has a D in math and English. Math the D is puzzling because he already knows all the material they are going over. English is because there are missing assignments and when I went through the list, all the assignments were uploaded but never submitted. |
Anonymous
| If he has ADHD and does not already have a 504 plan to address these executive function deficits you are describing, now is the time to talk to the counselor and get one in place. |
Anonymous
NP here with 504 experience, pushing back on this response. At our kids' middle and high schools a 504 would not accomplish/has not accomplished anything for a child with these challenges. Could you detail how a 504 made a difference for your child? |
Anonymous
NP. A 504 can offer alternative means to turn in assignments. Also extra time which is a double edged sword because many kids reach the drop dead deadline at end of the quarter or semester with things outstanding, but it gives extra time to turn things in if you screw it up the first time. |
Anonymous
| I would post this on the SN forum. |
Anonymous
this |
Anonymous
|
He needs executive coaching, plus constant reinforcement of how important it is for his GPA to be the highest it can be. Test-optional college admissions means GPA is the priority criteria! Our oldest was severely inattentive, and needed so many reminders and accompaniment that it didn't make sense to hire someone. I was his main coach for all things organizational/schedule/planning related. He had extended time on tests and to hand in assignments. Gradually, he got better and is doing fine in college. But it was a TON OF WORK to get him there. On his part, and mine.
Given my experience, I think your husband is right. Also, your kid's meds might need tweaking (or not - our son never responded well to meds, so his dosage was never optimal). |
Anonymous
|
The solution is that if the husband wants to micromanage, he needs to do it. He can't just order it to be done and expect you to do it.
I agree with asking for a 504. |
Anonymous
You have got to be kidding me with this question. You really have no idea how this kid can benefit from a 504 in addition to other executive function help??????? |
Anonymous
Oh, I know how a kid can benefit in theory. I'm just saying that the reality doesn't match it. I only have two kids who bear this out, but I know many, many MCPS parents who will tell you the same. If you have examples for how the 504 helped your kid with EF challenges, I still want to hear them. |
Anonymous
| It is for a lot of kids. We have one class where 90% is quizzes for the grade so lots of kids had a very rough start. We've reached out to all the teachers and started to monitor everything. It's a huge transition to HS as MS they don't teach you to note take and study and only having some textbooks also makes it hard. Its ok to support them and hope they transition to being more independent. |
Anonymous
| OP we had good success in working with Paul Rivas for a ds like this. |
Anonymous
| How is it that he didn’t have these issues in middle school? What’s different? My kid has more hours of homework but needed the same organizational skills in middle school. High school hasn’t been that big a jump. Perhaps other schools are different? Or were you able to help more in 8th grade? |
Anonymous
|
Why is he taking an AP in 9th grade?
It does not sound like he is developmentally ready for an AP level class |
Anonymous
| OP here. The AP class is fine, he is actually getting a good grade there. Middle school was very relaxed with quiz re-takes and allowances for late homework. He never had an iep or a 504, his issues are not with hyperactivity or inattention, it’s with emotional regulation. He has been in the same dose of Concerta since 3rd grade and does not need any adjustments, emotions are under control. I think the issue now is the quantity of homework, he did all his homework at school during middle school during lunch and SOAR (or whatever it’s called). We have never had to monitor him before so it’s all new to us. He does not need accommodations like extended time in exams, but I like the idea of hand delivering the homework. |