What do people take long to pay someone back?

[Anonymous]

People don't actually like group outings. They say yes because they don't want to be left out but don't actually like doing these group events with more than a couple other friends, where it needs to be "organized" by someone. They don't like having to sit where you can find 8 seats together, they don't like being limited to only restaurants that please a broad number of palates. They don't want to herd themselves from one venue to another as a group.

I learned a long time ago to just say no to group outings like this (even birthday parties) because I hate them. But my impression is that other people also hate them but don't feel they can say no. It is very rare that someone does an outing like this and later says "It was great! I enjoyed the whole thing and have no complaints!" It's always "Well the kids liked the show but Joe and Susan were like 20 minutes late which was stressful and then afterwards Terry insisted we all eat at Shake Shack because it was close by and easy but I can't stand that place. I guess it was good to get everyone together but it just seems like a hassle."

I don't know if they drag their feet to repay because of this, or if it's a separate issue, but I do know that a lot of people don't enjoy this stuff and only say yes out of obligation and you likely overestimate how grateful are to you for organizing because they probably also resent the control you have over the outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you want them to pay you?
Last four times I tried to pay, I ran into difficulties. I sent money to a wrong person, needed a code, didn't have a person's phone number, was simply denied by Citi and Citi didn't know why.
I usually copy/pasted the name/email and it still wasn't enough to make it to the right person.
The Citi had a limit but I wasn't over it. Then they claimed I needed to add the person as a bill I pay every month.
Took days to send money to the right people. I like to pay right away so I can forget about it.

I had an issue with my Venmo/Paypal account once that lasted like a year. I had changed banks and I guess didn't correctly submit that info to them so my account got flagged and later locked. It was a massive hassle. During that year, I paid everyone late and weirdly, had to write checks for things, etc. It was really annoying and I know there were people who thought I was trying to get out of paying because they'd look at me weird when I explained I couldn't Venmo them and would need to give them cash or a check. I know giving people a check is annoying but if the amount is more than $100 it makes more sense.

Anyway, after how long it took me to resolve that issue (I wound up having to do multiple phone calls with a security person to verify my identity, and then we had to do this verification process with payments between banks to confirm -- it took months and that was only after I was finally able to get my account unlocked), I am more understanding when people have issues with repayment. Yes we have technology that makes it easier now but sometimes that technology don'ts work and it winds up being harder than it was before the technology existed.

[Anonymous]

People don't like doing things that don't directly benefit themselves.

[Anonymous]

The policy that works for me is that anyone who does not pay by the day we attend (I am glad to accept Paypal or Venmo when they arrive), will not be invited to future events. No hounding people, just drop them from the next invitation.

Since I mostly do this for kids events that I organize, parents often take care of this because they don't want to have to tell little Johnny or Susie they ar not invited to the next gathering that the kids are talking about at school because Mommy and Daddy didn't pay on time.

[Anonymous]

I generally do not loan people money, or pay for their food or drinks. It's just a pain in my a$$ tracking people down for my money. Even if I have the money, I lie that I don't.

I was always taught to pay people back right away or they would not loan me money when I am in a bind next time. I always pay back right away.

[Anonymous]

Because they don't have the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People don't actually like group outings. They say yes because they don't want to be left out but don't actually like doing these group events with more than a couple other friends, where it needs to be "organized" by someone. They don't like having to sit where you can find 8 seats together, they don't like being limited to only restaurants that please a broad number of palates. They don't want to herd themselves from one venue to another as a group.

I learned a long time ago to just say no to group outings like this (even birthday parties) because I hate them. But my impression is that other people also hate them but don't feel they can say no. It is very rare that someone does an outing like this and later says "It was great! I enjoyed the whole thing and have no complaints!" It's always "Well the kids liked the show but Joe and Susan were like 20 minutes late which was stressful and then afterwards Terry insisted we all eat at Shake Shack because it was close by and easy but I can't stand that place. I guess it was good to get everyone together but it just seems like a hassle."

I don't know if they drag their feet to repay because of this, or if it's a separate issue, but I do know that a lot of people don't enjoy this stuff and only say yes out of obligation and you likely overestimate how grateful are to you for organizing because they probably also resent the control you have over the outing.

You seem like someone I wouldn’t want to do an activity with, so I suppose the feeling is probably mutual in your groups.

[Anonymous]

I do not know but people not paying their share annoys me.

One friend suggested we go out for another friend’s birthday. When it came time to pay he had “lost” his Visa, and his ATM card also didn’t “work.” He never paid me back. This wasn’t an accident because he did similar things other times.

When I would go on trips with one friend group, I made sure I was never in charge of accepting payment. One friend, according to others, would delay payment or never pay.

One time I paid for the AirBNB in advance and the friend who was always late with paying arrived a day late and later said they should not have to pay as much since they were not there one evening. 😱 I had already paid 1/4, which was the amount all 4 of us had agreed to months prior. This was the same person who chose one of the most expensive places to visit and wouldn’t consider cheaper places.

After that, I had had enough of group trips.

But I went on another and fronted more than $1,000, expecting the worst. And that newer friend paid me back right away. I was floored. She was like, of course, I’m paying you back right away. My trust for her increased.

I pay back asap and have decided I’ll never be in charge of accepting payment if I can help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not know but people not paying their share annoys me.

One friend suggested we go out for another friend’s birthday. When it came time to pay he had “lost” his Visa, and his ATM card also didn’t “work.” He never paid me back. This wasn’t an accident because he did similar things other times.

When I would go on trips with one friend group, I made sure I was never in charge of accepting payment. One friend, according to others, would delay payment or never pay.

One time I paid for the AirBNB in advance and the friend who was always late with paying arrived a day late and later said they should not have to pay as much since they were not there one evening. 😱 I had already paid 1/4, which was the amount all 4 of us had agreed to months prior. This was the same person who chose one of the most expensive places to visit and wouldn’t consider cheaper places.

After that, I had had enough of group trips.

But I went on another and fronted more than $1,000, expecting the worst. And that newer friend paid me back right away. I was floored. She was like, of course, I’m paying you back right away. My trust for her increased.

I pay back asap and have decided I’ll never be in charge of accepting payment if I can help it.

+1. I hate being indebted to others, so I pay back quickly as well. As for collecting money, I shouldn't have to hound a bunch of adults to pay back.

Even though it isn't exactly the same, this is part of the reason why I quit being the room mom, because begging parents to contribute is just awful. I rather donate to the class on my own.

[Anonymous]

If people aren’t familiar with or don’t have the pay app you prefer, it can seem like a pain in the a$$ to setup yet another one. They’d probably just give you cash, but then you’d have to meet up. I guess they could send you a check. They probably keep thinking they’ll setup the app, but groan every time they think about it.