How bad to consider taking the oldest kid on a special trip over thnxgvg if the younger one is too little to notice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two DDs ages 6 and 2. Older DD has the whole week of Thanksgiving off school. I've been wanting to plan a special mother-daughter trip with her anyway while the 2yo is still too young to really understand. Is it "bad mom" to consider taking older DD to London the week of thanksgiving? She is very into theater, castles, and tea parties right now and we have a flight credit to use by the end of the year. DH and DD2 could drive to his brothers and stay that weekend with his parents, brother, SIL, and same age toddler cousins. DD2 is close to all of them and my in laws have been caring for her 2x a week since she was an infant. The kids don't really care about thanksgiving yet (as far as the actual food/meal) but I still feel guilty for considering this.

Thoughts?

That sounds like a better Thanksgiving than I've had in a long time. Will there be talk at your in-laws if you don't go? Does your husband support this idea?

[Anonymous]

I did a trip with my 4 year old for about 4 days when the younger one was 1. We also had some points and the 4 year old really wanted to go on a plane since they hadn’t (that they could remember) because of covid. It was really nice and if I’m being honest a little weird to be without other two family members. But I think a special trip like that, particular to your older child’s interests sounds special. And I will probably do another solo trip aligned with interests with my oldest in a couple years and then also with my youngest when he is at a more fun traveling age.

Just do something special with the younger when they are 6!

[Anonymous]

I have two daughters the same age as you.
Normally I would say, this is not bad at all.

But the Thanksgiving element! My older daughter wouldn't want to be apart from her sister on Thanksgiving. It would put a damper on the trip.

[Anonymous]

Not bad at all. Once my kids are completely toilet trained and no longer need naps their father and I each take them on a one-on-one trip each year. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Not bad at all, IMO. You should go! 2yo will be with her father and family, and doesn’t understand Thanksgiving anyway. Parents travel and leave 2yo’s with the other parent all the time…both DH and I did. And even better- they will be having a nice time with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds amazing. Go for it.

+1

[Anonymous]

The 2 year old will definitely notice.

Manage your own expectations for your trip with your 6 year old. A London tea or castle is quite different than playing pretend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two daughters the same age as you.
Normally I would say, this is not bad at all.

But the Thanksgiving element! My older daughter wouldn't want to be apart from her sister on Thanksgiving. It would put a damper on the trip.

I would absolutely go for it! Different holidays are important for different families and for us Thanksgiving just isn’t that big of a deal. We’ll typically do a turkey and the usual sides, unless we’re traveling, but we don’t tend to get together with extended family so it’s really just a family dinner (which we have all the time) with specific foods. My kids definitely wouldn’t be phased by missing it or being apart on the day. Christmas, on the other hand, would absolutely be a no go.

They could also always just celebrate “Thanksgiving” on another day once Op and her daughter return since at that age kids aren’t exactly wedded to a calendar.

[Anonymous]

It's fine, but don't make a habit of it. If you keep doing things like this during their childhood, they might be willing to overlook when they're growing up. They're remember when they're adults, and will hold it against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine, but don't make a habit of it. If you keep doing things like this during their childhood, they might be willing to overlook when they're growing up. They're remember when they're adults, and will hold it against you.

How could you reframe this? The kids have special memories of doing things alone with each parent, with their undivided attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Go. The other child is with their father. Easy.

+1

[Anonymous]

DD and I went to Paris over thanksgiving last year without second thought to the younger siblings!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine but agree with others that you will need to make sure the 2 y/o has her turn. We have serious resentment in our extended family where an older kid got tons of special trips and a younger spent her childhood (in her words) dragged along to her brothers soccer games.

[Anonymous]

This is a great idea, OP! Do it and don't give it another thought! There's nothing to be guilty about. The 2YO might miss you, but she can't possibly be upset about anything else (does she even know what London is?). Plus, she get 1x1 with her other parent and gets to hand with the rest of the family. Everyone wins.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness go. The two-year-old is just totally in the moment and of course they’ll notice you’re not there it’s not like they’ll have an understanding of the experience they missed. When my kids were at that exact same age spread my DD, and I went to Amsterdam to visit friends for a week and it was great! It’s probably one of The earlier memories that she still has now as a college student