Can cheater change

[Anonymous]

If you’ve met someone who admits to cheating in the past, it’s possible for them to not cheat on you. If your partner cheats on you, they won’t change. Even with good effort and therapy that feeling of validation and the ego boost never goes away. Not to mention the betrayed partner never gets back the 100% trust level. That bubble gets burst.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't read like a real post. But for anyone contemplating getting back with a cheater: don't do it. It's not just that the person is fundamentally dishonest. It's that they often Enjoy the dupe. That is, they get off not on the "relationship" or interaction with the AP, but on the fact that they are duping you and the AP. That they are getting their cake and eating it too. People are fungible to them. They just need someone at home to do their laundry while they get to go out and bag their next doe-eyed conquest. That's what you're signing yourself up for if you take him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't read like a real post. But for anyone contemplating getting back with a cheater: don't do it. It's not just that the person is fundamentally dishonest. It's that they often Enjoy the dupe. That is, they get off not on the "relationship" or interaction with the AP, but on the fact that they are duping you and the AP. That they are getting their cake and eating it too. People are fungible to them. They just need someone at home to do their laundry while they get to go out and bag their next doe-eyed conquest. That's what you're signing yourself up for if you take him back.

Hmmm. I never did the laundry. That was ex-h and he cleaned too. Neat freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't read like a real post. But for anyone contemplating getting back with a cheater: don't do it. It's not just that the person is fundamentally dishonest. It's that they often Enjoy the dupe. That is, they get off not on the "relationship" or interaction with the AP, but on the fact that they are duping you and the AP. That they are getting their cake and eating it too. People are fungible to them. They just need someone at home to do their laundry while they get to go out and bag their next doe-eyed conquest. That's what you're signing yourself up for if you take him back.

New poster and I semi agree, but will add one caveat that this is mostly true if you had ZERO idea they were cheating. If there were no signs, they were just rolling through life having their cake and eating it too then I largely agree with this. If the cheater was severely depressed, lashing out, self deprecating, suicidal, there's a better chance the guilt was eating them up and they can change with the work.

[Anonymous]

what about sowing oats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what about sowing oats

Sowing oats happens BEFORE marriage.

[Anonymous]

Yes, cheaters can change. It all depends if they want to change. If the cheater realizes that they are throwing their life away when cheating, then the cheater will adjust course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what about sowing oats

Sowing oats happens BEFORE marriage.

he was a late bloomer. This is OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, cheaters can change. It all depends if they want to change. If the cheater realizes that they are throwing their life away when cheating, then the cheater will adjust course.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, cheaters can change. It all depends if they want to change. If the cheater realizes that they are throwing their life away when cheating, then the cheater will adjust course.

+1

+2 some truly do it midlife and then are filled with genuine remorse and guilt.