Yom Kippur Pet Peeve

[Anonymous]

I prefer to email people directly.
"On January 6th, I told my friend Nancy that I think you look fat in that dress. Do you forgive me?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer to email people directly.
"On January 6th, I told my friend Nancy that I think you look fat in that dress. Do you forgive me?"

The question of lashon hara (malicious gossip/speech) where it's unlikely to ever get back to the person is always so interesting to me. Like, if I own up to it and apologize for it, then I'm actually hurting the person, whereas before they were unaware of it. Is it better to cause them pain/embarrassment in order to seek their forgiveness? Or to let it go and just ask forgiveness of God for all of our bad speech?

"Fun" fact - gossip/malicious speech are the most common sins we recount in the Al Het confessional. There are so many easy ways to sin through speech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the blanket apology is meant as a short hand for “please come talk to me if I have offended you, I want to make things right.”

If that's the case, the pet peeve is more than justified -- this isn't how teshuvah works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the blanket apology is meant as a short hand for “please come talk to me if I have offended you, I want to make things right.”

If that's the case, the pet peeve is more than justified -- this isn't how teshuvah works.

non-Jewish person who posted the above, clarifying that was just how I read it. In reading OPs initial response I apologize for overstepping into what I now perceive as more of a theological question.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor throws a Yom Kippur BBQ and end of season pool party each year. Calls it Yummy Kippur. So what. He is Jewish so it’s cool

[Anonymous]

I have a question. Do you ask forgiveness from Jewish people only or non-Jews as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a question. Do you ask forgiveness from Jewish people only or non-Jews as well?

Anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a question. Do you ask forgiveness from Jewish people only or non-Jews as well?

Anyone.

If you actually practice this - I know no one who does - it should be everyone. And it should be individual. Facebook "apology" is insincere BS and cowardly.

[Anonymous]

I have never thought of it as a person to person actuall apology. 'Sorry I never rsvpd for Larlas bday party' it was more like personal spiritual atonement for not being your best person in whatever way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never thought of it as a person to person actuall apology. 'Sorry I never rsvpd for Larlas bday party' it was more like personal spiritual atonement for not being your best person in whatever way.

It's my understanding, and I'm no rabbi, that its' precisely not that. Personal spiritual atonement can be obtained on Yom Kippur through prayer, but that doesn't cover our sins against other which need person to person forgiveness. So the actual bulk of the work is actual apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the blanket apology is meant as a short hand for “please come talk to me if I have offended you, I want to make things right.”

If that's the case, the pet peeve is more than justified -- this isn't how teshuvah works.

You honestly think that you remember and are aware of every offense you have caused in an entire year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a question. Do you ask forgiveness from Jewish people only or non-Jews as well?

Anyone.

If you actually practice this - I know no one who does - it should be everyone. And it should be individual. Facebook "apology" is insincere BS and cowardly.

Not sure it's "insincere BS and cowardly" as much as it's just lazy, but, yes. Apologies should be individual and personal. The time for apologizing for the things "known and unknown" that you did is on Yom Kippur to God, not on Facebook to everyone (which is really to no one).