Yom Kippur Pet Peeve

[Anonymous]

Things I can’t admit in person, since so many of my family does it. But “if I have offended you I’m sorry” isn’t a real apology. Posting this, in general on Facebook turns it from slightly cringy to eyes rolling so far back in head, I likely have my own sin to answer for. When did this awful trend start? Why do these posts get so many likes?

[Anonymous]

The likes are from people who the poster offended.

Why are you playing on your computer on Yom Kippur?

That's an awful trend.

[Anonymous]

Agree that's not a real apology. My yom kippur pet peeve is that every single year my brother calls me either after sundown or the day after and asks if I fasted and every single damn year acts surprised that I say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things I can’t admit in person, since so many of my family does it. But “if I have offended you I’m sorry” isn’t a real apology. Posting this, in general on Facebook turns it from slightly cringy to eyes rolling so far back in head, I likely have my own sin to answer for. When did this awful trend start? Why do these posts get so many likes?

Maybe try the truth and then apologize if you have offended them? It might lessen the frequency of the annoyance in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things I can’t admit in person, since so many of my family does it. But “if I have offended you I’m sorry” isn’t a real apology. Posting this, in general on Facebook turns it from slightly cringy to eyes rolling so far back in head, I likely have my own sin to answer for. When did this awful trend start? Why do these posts get so many likes?

It's a step up from "I'm sorry you're offended" at least.

[Anonymous]

I loathe "if I have offended you, I'm sorry." You're not alone OP. Not ever, but especially not on Yom Kippur which is supposed to be about genuine atonement -- not merely saying you are sorry out of obligation but making yourself accountable to others in a meaningful way.

I also think it would be more meaningful to reach out to one person, individually, and make a real apology and atonement, than to tell 100 people "I'm sorry if I offended you." In terms of actually doing the work of righting wrongs and repairing broken bonds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that's not a real apology. My yom kippur pet peeve is that every single year my brother calls me either after sundown or the day after and asks if I fasted and every single damn year acts surprised that I say yes.

He's waiting for you to say no so that he can feel connected to you in not observing the holiday. He views it as a natural evolution and thinks eventually you'll "catch up."

Tomorrow or Tuesday when he calls and asks, say "Why do you ask?" and see if that opens up an actual dialogue instead of him just trying to check you off his list. And then tell him that fasting is important to you and not something you intend to give up. Make it a real conversation -- I bet he'll be more responsive than you think, because in it's own way, he's trying to connect to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that's not a real apology. My yom kippur pet peeve is that every single year my brother calls me either after sundown or the day after and asks if I fasted and every single damn year acts surprised that I say yes.

He's waiting for you to say no so that he can feel connected to you in not observing the holiday. He views it as a natural evolution and thinks eventually you'll "catch up."

Tomorrow or Tuesday when he calls and asks, say "Why do you ask?" and see if that opens up an actual dialogue instead of him just trying to check you off his list. And then tell him that fasting is important to you and not something you intend to give up. Make it a real conversation -- I bet he'll be more responsive than you think, because in it's own way, he's trying to connect to you.

Huh? He does fast. He wants to feel superior to me and hopes he can tell me how he fasted and ask why I didn't. He has zero interest in connecting to me. He constantly puts walls up and points out how different we are/how much better he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that's not a real apology. My yom kippur pet peeve is that every single year my brother calls me either after sundown or the day after and asks if I fasted and every single damn year acts surprised that I say yes.

He's waiting for you to say no so that he can feel connected to you in not observing the holiday. He views it as a natural evolution and thinks eventually you'll "catch up."

Tomorrow or Tuesday when he calls and asks, say "Why do you ask?" and see if that opens up an actual dialogue instead of him just trying to check you off his list. And then tell him that fasting is important to you and not something you intend to give up. Make it a real conversation -- I bet he'll be more responsive than you think, because in it's own way, he's trying to connect to you.

Huh? He does fast. He wants to feel superior to me and hopes he can tell me how he fasted and ask why I didn't. He has zero interest in connecting to me. He constantly puts walls up and points out how different we are/how much better he is.

Ah. In that case, let him go to voicemail and then next year, atone for it!

[Anonymous]

I think the blanket apology is meant as a short hand for “please come talk to me if I have offended you, I want to make things right.”

[Anonymous]

Here's how my yom kippur went: I live alone so spent the day by myself. At 4:30 my dad texted to ask if I was going to another relative's house to break the fast. I had to text him back admitting I hadn't been invited. He texted back "ok."

So I am starting out this new year really feeling loved by my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how my yom kippur went: I live alone so spent the day by myself. At 4:30 my dad texted to ask if I was going to another relative's house to break the fast. I had to text him back admitting I hadn't been invited. He texted back "ok."

So I am starting out this new year really feeling loved by my family.

I'm sorry this happened!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how my yom kippur went: I live alone so spent the day by myself. At 4:30 my dad texted to ask if I was going to another relative's house to break the fast. I had to text him back admitting I hadn't been invited. He texted back "ok."

So I am starting out this new year really feeling loved by my family.

Ugh, I'm sorry.

I didn't hear from a single family member today. I sent a family text last night wishing all a good fast, no responses. They only care about me when they need something.

[Anonymous]

Ah. In that case, let him go to voicemail and then next year, atone for it!

I love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the blanket apology is meant as a short hand for “please come talk to me if I have offended you, I want to make things right.”

DP. That's fine, but not really what the holiday is about. It shouldn't be on the person who was wronged to ask you to ask for their forgiveness.