Next Door Neighbor's Kid Has Obsession With DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your DD be very clear and explicit via text, not rude but not overly polite.

Keep the text and all his texts, notes etc. Go to his parents if it does not stop. He is basically stalking her, that's a terrible experience for a young girl.

This. We’re not talking about a schoolyard, elementary school crush. Don’t hesitate about going to authorities too if the kid and his parents aren’t helpful. But that’s last resort. She’s 15 and this is also a good opportunity to teach her how to outline her boundaries. And there’s no shame in having boundaries.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he has a crush on her that she does not reciprocate. What is the problem?

[Anonymous]

Teach your daughter the proper way to let down the kid - you're a nice boy, but I'm not interested in you in that way - or whatever. He needs to be told.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter sends one clear text you approve of today. Then, she blocks him. And you are talking to the parents tomorrow if he keeps it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he has a crush on her that she does not reciprocate. What is the problem?

I mean:

Unsolicited calls, texts, staring, leaving notes, sulking that attention isn't returned.

If an adult were to act like that it would rightfully be called stalking.

[Anonymous]

You can’t rule out mental health issue. This behavior seems extreme.

[Anonymous]

This is very alarming. I agree, one firm text of the “please don’t contact me again” variety, then block and talk to parents if it continues. And if it persists, I’d be talking to police because it’s stalking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very alarming. I agree, one firm text of the “please don’t contact me again” variety, then block and talk to parents if it continues. And if it persists, I’d be talking to police because it’s stalking.

This. And remember that as a girl, your daughter has been socialized her whole life to be “nice” and “not hurt anyone’s feelings”, so being firm will not be easy. Once you confirm she has told him to not contact her anymore, she should block him, tell the school counselor and you should talk to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very alarming. I agree, one firm text of the “please don’t contact me again” variety, then block and talk to parents if it continues. And if it persists, I’d be talking to police because it’s stalking.

This. And remember that as a girl, your daughter has been socialized her whole life to be “nice” and “not hurt anyone’s feelings”, so being firm will not be easy. Once you confirm she has told him to not contact her anymore, she should block him, tell the school counselor and you should talk to the parents.

Not only that, but she may have a real and legitimate fear that expressing somethings negative to him would cause an escalation in his behavior. He might switch from "I love you" to "die b."

Since she is a minor, I don't think it would be unreasonable to have the parents be the ones to relay the message. It's a lot to put on her to have to interact with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you certain DD is not interested.


Tell her to clearly but politely let him know she's not interested.



You follow up with that with his parents.

Yes- she looks out the window before leaving just to avoid him.

Awe poor thing! That's such a horrible way to feel and live. Btdt. Unfortunately I have into pressure to date him and it was awful.

Empower her to tell him to stop that she's not interested clearly.
And you talk to his parents - it might be that he's got social delays and doesn't realize how bad his behavior is.

They get one chance to correct it.

You might want to consider getting surveillance around the home and insist she walk with friends to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t rule out mental health issue. This behavior seems extreme.

Nah, it's just the real life application of what the boy has seen in movies and shows about the guy "never giving up" on getting the girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he has a crush on her that she does not reciprocate. What is the problem?

[Anonymous]

I would give one polite but very firm message to the parents “she is not interested, please tell him do not text/approach her again.” It is very possible this is innocent cluelessness and I think it’s important not to project malice onto what could be simple social awkwardness and not realizing how he comes across. If after you have been very clear he does not stop, then you need to escalate.

Your daughter needs to feel safe in her own home/yard and should not have to deal with the unwanted attention any longer.

[Anonymous]

That is NOT normal, OP. You need to keep all the evidence, in case you ever escalate to police. For now, contact the parents, and factually go through all the notes, interactions, etc that have happened. Explain that your daughter is made highly uncomfortable, and that you would prefer if this young man transferred his attentions elsewhere.

I wouldn't want my 15 year old daughter directly interacting with a 15 year old stalkerish neighbor, honestly, so as not to trigger feelings of anger against DD. It would be best if his own parents could relay the message. I hope they do. I wouldn't want my teen son or teen daughter behaving in this way towards anyone.

[Anonymous]

Why did you post in the Relationship forum?

Seems like they have no relationship.