Activities balancing for SN/NT siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, it doesn't matter what the neighbors think.

Second, your daughter's needs are important, too. If doing all of these activities is energizing for her and helps her to discover her passions and strengths, there is no need to feel guilty. It's not as though your son has the bandwidth for such activities but you're not giving him the opportunity to participate in them.

Does he not have the bandwidth or is that just an excuse for the parents?

The kid is 4. At 4, neither my NT nor my ND kid had much capacity for after school activities and no interest in team sports.

We try hard to meet both of our kids where they are and give them what they need. Don’t worry what other people think, and don’t focus on surface-level “fairness”. PP was right in spending some 1-1 time with each kid regularly. And take your cues from the kids about outside activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling a lot of guilt about activities/family balance for my two kids and wondering if anyone can relate/advise.

I have two kids - DD (7) and DS (almost 5). DS's main struggles are a language disorder and ADHD. He is conversational but has a very hard time attending to activities and has some receptive issues that make it hard for him to follow directions without pretty explicit instruction from someone who gets his issues.

I would like to get him in soccer or something like that, but I am worried that he will not be able to participate at an age-appropriate level and that could be a mess with a team sport. He also is in both a private preschool and the FCPS early childhood class-based program so he has really long days and is exhausted at the end of the day. He does speech privately 2X a week at school and we are looking into private swim lessons but the teacher I want to use has a wait list.

DD is a very outgoing, high-energy kid. She is in sports/activities 3-5 nights a week, depending on the week, and really thrives being on the go. Most of them are close to our home, at a time that works well with our schedule (2 working parents), or we can carpool so the logistics aren't too hard, but a parent is taking her to stuff more weeknights than not.

I feel like things appear very uneven in our family because we are doing all of these things for DD while DS hangs out at home with the other parent. We try hard to not have him tagalong on a week night because he is tired. I know I shouldn't care, but I feel like neighbors and acquaintances judge us for expending all this energy running DD around and not doing the same for our other kids. I do not think that DS particularly cares but he also doesn't necessarily have the language to express that.

Maybe I am asking for permission to just let this go? Would also love any suggestions for an activity that could work for a kid like him. I would love to help him be confident and have fun doing something just for him! Thanks in advance.

If anyone notices or judges this then they truly have no life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the PP.

The Nt kid will be more independent and handle car pools, coaches, drop offs just fine. We had a nanny or car pools doing this, but one of us would attend the weekend games, the other would stay with the hfa child.

Nothing in the post mentioned what you are disagreeing with. Obviously if their DD can get to and from activities with minimal impact on the parents go for it. The question was more about balancing the needs of her SN and NT children and I think she's leaning in the wrong direction if she and her husband are spending that much time doing things for her DD who as you noted is more independent and would probably be fine without that much attention.

My NTs kids are very active but we have a nanny who drives them so we can accompany our child with SN to activities. We do make our other children's games but there's no need for us to waste everyone's time at their practices when we could be doing something to help our other child. We are clearly lucky we have someone who can drive for us but if I had to choose I would drop our NT kids from one activity or more to make room for me to have some time on weekdays to do something outside the home with our child with SN.

How old is your SN kid?

[Anonymous]

At age 4 you're going to have lots of kids who can't sit still or don't follow directions, and are just plain silly. I remember it may have been half the kids at some activities so your child would not stand out if that's what's keeping you from signing him up.

Can he participate in my little gym type places?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling a lot of guilt about activities/family balance for my two kids and wondering if anyone can relate/advise.

I have two kids - DD (7) and DS (almost 5). DS's main struggles are a language disorder and ADHD. He is conversational but has a very hard time attending to activities and has some receptive issues that make it hard for him to follow directions without pretty explicit instruction from someone who gets his issues.

I would like to get him in soccer or something like that, but I am worried that he will not be able to participate at an age-appropriate level and that could be a mess with a team sport. He also is in both a private preschool and the FCPS early childhood class-based program so he has really long days and is exhausted at the end of the day. He does speech privately 2X a week at school and we are looking into private swim lessons but the teacher I want to use has a wait list.

DD is a very outgoing, high-energy kid. She is in sports/activities 3-5 nights a week, depending on the week, and really thrives being on the go. Most of them are close to our home, at a time that works well with our schedule (2 working parents), or we can carpool so the logistics aren't too hard, but a parent is taking her to stuff more weeknights than not.

I feel like things appear very uneven in our family because we are doing all of these things for DD while DS hangs out at home with the other parent. We try hard to not have him tagalong on a week night because he is tired. I know I shouldn't care, but I feel like neighbors and acquaintances judge us for expending all this energy running DD around and not doing the same for our other kids. I do not think that DS particularly cares but he also doesn't necessarily have the language to express that.

Maybe I am asking for permission to just let this go? Would also love any suggestions for an activity that could work for a kid like him. I would love to help him be confident and have fun doing something just for him! Thanks in advance.

If anyone notices or judges this then they truly have no life.

No one is judging you. Get over yourself. He's 4 and it sounds like you always have a parent home with him every day. If it were me I'd cut my DD's activities down to 3 a week so we could get full family time but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

I don't care what neighbor thinks at all. My SN 8 year old does soccer and swimming. I drag my speech delay 4 year old along and I keep her company. She would rather tag along eating snacks than staying at home for with husband. I consider that is 1:1 time with my daughter to keep her company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling a lot of guilt about activities/family balance for my two kids and wondering if anyone can relate/advise.

I have two kids - DD (7) and DS (almost 5). DS's main struggles are a language disorder and ADHD. He is conversational but has a very hard time attending to activities and has some receptive issues that make it hard for him to follow directions without pretty explicit instruction from someone who gets his issues.

I would like to get him in soccer or something like that, but I am worried that he will not be able to participate at an age-appropriate level and that could be a mess with a team sport. He also is in both a private preschool and the FCPS early childhood class-based program so he has really long days and is exhausted at the end of the day. He does speech privately 2X a week at school and we are looking into private swim lessons but the teacher I want to use has a wait list.

DD is a very outgoing, high-energy kid. She is in sports/activities 3-5 nights a week, depending on the week, and really thrives being on the go. Most of them are close to our home, at a time that works well with our schedule (2 working parents), or we can carpool so the logistics aren't too hard, but a parent is taking her to stuff more weeknights than not.

I feel like things appear very uneven in our family because we are doing all of these things for DD while DS hangs out at home with the other parent. We try hard to not have him tagalong on a week night because he is tired. I know I shouldn't care, but I feel like neighbors and acquaintances judge us for expending all this energy running DD around and not doing the same for our other kids. I do not think that DS particularly cares but he also doesn't necessarily have the language to express that.

Maybe I am asking for permission to just let this go? Would also love any suggestions for an activity that could work for a kid like him. I would love to help him be confident and have fun doing something just for him! Thanks in advance.

No one notices. Or they think it’s related to age.

Do not sign DS up for things he doesn’t want, isn’t ready for, and will push your logistics over the edge — all because of this.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you all for taking the time to comment. I do really want to help him find an outlet that makes him happy when he is ready.

I so appreciate the empathy that is usually on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you all for taking the time to comment. I do really want to help him find an outlet that makes him happy when he is ready.

I so appreciate the empathy that is usually on this board.

I’m a PP and at this age a single class on the weekends is perfect. Try some things out on Saturday mornings when he has energy and don’t force it if he doesn’t enjoy it. Something might click! Both my kids really enjoyed low key MyGym type classes at that age.