Is this a unicorn? I'm looking for a companion for my mom, but not a set schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you need the person to do if your mom can dress and bath on her own?

Take her out to eat, play games with her, just be a companion. She has dementia.

[Anonymous]

This is honestly why I think it’s a good idea to import cheap live-in household help like people can in different parts of Asia and the Middle East. Americans would make the best kind of employers. Win-win for everyone.

[Anonymous]

What does your mom prefer?

[Anonymous]

You mention she can't drive. Are you expecting the person to drive her? Are you basically just looking for companionship and some supervision when you go to an event. Someone on here mentioned you are basically looking for an occasional sitter. I assume there is no need to deal with meds. Do you want the person to prep meals?

If I understand your needs correctly, I think care.com might be where you want to look. Is she pleasant and easy to be around? if so, mention that. Most would rather have the gig with a kid, but if the elder is easy-going it would be a nice way for a college student, grad student or other person to make some extra cash. if she is difficult, it's a whole different issue and you would need to pay more, be upfront and also know you could end up with a very dicey situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you need the person to do if your mom can dress and bath on her own?

Take her out to eat, play games with her, just be a companion. She has dementia.

I just posted, but is it easy dementia where she is just childlike or the dementia that runs in my family which is ornery, difficult and good luck keeping anyone working for her dementia?

I would not expect the person to take her out to eat. It was a job when we took my inlaw with dementia out and he was pleasant. They can get lost going to the bathroom and accidentally just walk right out of the restaurant. Also, there are liability issues with driving. I would have the person to your home and have cameras set up just in case. Have a selection of games out she likes and you have her favorite foods in the fridge. Make it a very easy job and be gracious to the person. If she connects well with the person give big holiday tips and give a raise in hourly rate after the first few visits.Life is much easier when you find someone the elder truly likes and you don't keep having to hire someone new.

[Anonymous]

Just now reading through everything after I already posted. Try care.com again. post on nextdoor, use word of mouth. Know that you will likely have to interview. If she needs a lot of supervision I don't think you should hire a college student. Be crystal clear about her personality and needs and make things very easy for the person.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I will try nextdoor and care. I preferred to go agency so they would do the vetting, but looks like it's not possible. I assume I'll also save a lot of money this way.

She's not combative or ornery, but she will eat a ton of junk food if not supervised, and she likes to go out to eat. I don't think that a college student would be right for this job. More like a middle aged woman is what I'm thinking. Kind of like Mrs. Garrett in the other thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the situation that your mom can’t be left alone at all?

She can be left alone, but I prefer not at times when it's dinner. I'd like someone to take her to dinner vs. her sitting and eating alone or on a weekend when we are gone most of the day. More of companionship and take her out so she's not sitting around bored and watching tv all day.

I think finding someone who can drive will be tough. My experience is that most of the unskilled elder care folks in this area are immigrants without cars and generally can not drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I will try nextdoor and care. I preferred to go agency so they would do the vetting, but looks like it's not possible. I assume I'll also save a lot of money this way.

She's not combative or ornery, but she will eat a ton of junk food if not supervised, and she likes to go out to eat. I don't think that a college student would be right for this job. More like a middle aged woman is what I'm thinking. Kind of like Mrs. Garrett in the other thread.

The thing is, since you're not willing to guarantee hours/schedule, you will have to find someone who doesn't need the money to pay their bills. You have to find an independently wealthy middle aged woman who has nothing better to do on weekends and evenings than be a companion for an elderly woman with dementia. Yes, that is a unicorn.

[Anonymous]

You need to lead with Dementia

[Anonymous]

I would save your money, because this is only going to get worse and then you will need massive amounts of home health care or a facility or both.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have experience with elder care but do with postpartum doulas who are willing to set varying schedules week by week. In hiring one myself I saw that some of them also provide elder care. The 4 hr window is still necessary across the board. You could look into it… usually run $50/hr

[Anonymous]

Why couldn’t a college student make her dinner and spend 2 hours with her in the evening?

Also, who cares if she pigs out on junk food (unless she’s diabetic or something)?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

I think it is wonderful that you want to get a caregiver to take Mom out to dinner.

Dad hired caregivers to take Mom out to lunch and grocery shopping.

We've had caregivers for about 14 years and we've done it all.

Some of the agencies will allow you to schedule one time 4 hour shifts. Ideally you have the same caregiver each time. That does not always happen.
We always paid for the caregiver's meal.

Call around to different agencies and see what they say. If you are in Maryland we had good luck with Bright Star. A lot of the locally owned agencies will have more flexibility.

Most of our caregivers are private pay now. We pay the caregiver close to agency pay, i.e. between $25 and $32 per hour. (I'm in a poor part of Maryland)

Mom no longer eats out but we had caregivers take her out to meals for probably 3 years. Once in a blue moon Dad would have a caregiver to take Mom out to a casino to play the slots. (This was maybe every quarter.) Dad would also tell the caregiver to take Mom to the beach, take the dog, walk the boardwalk and get some french fries.

Stimulation.....will slow dementia.

If you can find some to work private duty for you we had the caregivers wear street clothes (not scrubs) when taking Mom out to lunch and on her outings.

Ask around. A lot of people are looking for sidework and will take on a 4 hour shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn’t a college student make her dinner and spend 2 hours with her in the evening?

Also, who cares if she pigs out on junk food (unless she’s diabetic or something)?

Healthy diet is very, very key for those with dementia and will get you about 25% improvement in a given compared to a junk food diet.