Why does my mom lie about small things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Insecurity is the #1 reason.

Cognitive decline or long-standing mental disorder is the #1 reason.

They have good intentions, but are lying to themselves as well- that they did this or that, or that they didn’t turn in the Nat gas fireplace and leave it running.

They didn’t INTEND to leave the door unlocked or the kid at practice all night, therefore they will not take responsibility for having done so.

Weirdest disconnect in brain wiring ever.
But it destroys trust and reliability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Insecurity is the #1 reason.

Second is simply poor social skills and verbal Communication skills.

My adhd kid will make up stuff when with friends- she saw a movie (that isn’t out yet), that she heard XYZ, that she is going to the concert.

Sadly it’s because she truly thinks this is how back and forth conversations go. It certainly won’t fly come teen years; she’ll get called out on it. Making stuff up. It’s not cute.
And she has a ton of life experiences, trips, sports, to talk about or weave in to conversations but instead says made up stuff. It drives her younger sister nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know what you mean. For instance, I was visiting once and I was complimenting the pie and my mom said it was home made. I was flabbergasted as if you knew my mom's cooking that I grew up with, there is no earthly way she would be able to make a pie crust. I was so impressed that I asked some questions to find out more like where she learned how to make the pie. It became painfully clear that she didn't make the pie, but for some reason said she did (she wanted the praise?)

I quickly let it go and moved on to another topic, but I've seen other instances like that. I wonder if it's just a facet of getting older as never in all the previous years would my mom have ever felt the need to make up something like that. I am a little worried, I must admit.

People saying storebought desserts were homemade is like one of the most common white lies ever.

It’s also dumb to lie about since it’s so obvious.

My spouse, and his father and brother, has aspergers and “lies” all the time.

It’s driven from ignorance and cluelessness though, not malice. However it also means we cannot trust anything he says. Which is insanity trying to run a household and raise children with.
And many of the “lies” and omittances are to cover up mistakes or mishaps or damage so it’s destabilizing to live with all those surprises and setbacks. And having to discover broken things or missed appointments the hard way, can be infuriating. The communication is always that poor.

I don’t think passing off a store-bought pie as your own cooking quite rises to what you’re describing.

[Anonymous]

It’s a petty obvious lie and store bought desserts suk and are loaded with sugar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Insecurity is the #1 reason.

Cognitive decline or long-standing mental disorder is the #1 reason.

They have good intentions, but are lying to themselves as well- that they did this or that, or that they didn’t turn in the Nat gas fireplace and leave it running.

They didn’t INTEND to leave the door unlocked or the kid at practice all night, therefore they will not take responsibility for having done so.

Weirdest disconnect in brain wiring ever.
But it destroys trust and reliability.

In older people, it's this. I do think insecurity and poor communication skills can play a role, but I think in people over age 60 and especially over age 70, it's driven by cognitive decline and the lying is their effort to cover up for their inability to remember things or for mistakes they make.

With my mom, she also started lying about stuff that happened in the past a lot. I honestly can't tell how much of it is straight up laying about stuff she remembers but doesn't want to admit (stuff like hitting us, yelling at us, major family dysfunction, etc.) and how much of it is that her brain is declining and has conveniently forgotten her worst memories, so she's just replaced them with nice things. But in my mom's mind, we had an idyllic family life. It's interesting.

I think what I've learned is most important is learning to detach from all of it. My sister does not do this and she is constantly enraged with my mom for the lying. Right now my sister won't even speak to her. And on the one hand, my mom does lie and is unreliable all the time and I get why that's upsetting for my sister. On the other hand, I wish my sister would have some self-awareness about WHY the lying makes her so mad. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that when we were kids, my mom accused us of lying all the time even when we told the truth, she punished us for things we didn't do, she would assume that if we made a mistake or did something dumb, it was malicious and intended to anger or embarrass her, etc. And I think my sister internalized all that and is now doing the same to my mom, and I wish she'd realize what I also wish my mom had realized when we were kids -- you have to accept other people's limitations and love them where they are at. My mom is not suddenly going to get sharper, start remembering things, and stop lying. This is just where she is at. I try to remember that the same way I try to remember that my 6 year old has her limitations too, and when she messes up, it's usually a failure of ability, not effort or intention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know what you mean. For instance, I was visiting once and I was complimenting the pie and my mom said it was home made. I was flabbergasted as if you knew my mom's cooking that I grew up with, there is no earthly way she would be able to make a pie crust. I was so impressed that I asked some questions to find out more like where she learned how to make the pie. It became painfully clear that she didn't make the pie, but for some reason said she did (she wanted the praise?)

I quickly let it go and moved on to another topic, but I've seen other instances like that. I wonder if it's just a facet of getting older as never in all the previous years would my mom have ever felt the need to make up something like that. I am a little worried, I must admit.

People saying storebought desserts were homemade is like one of the most common white lies ever.

It’s also dumb to lie about since it’s so obvious.

My spouse, and his father and brother, has aspergers and “lies” all the time.

It’s driven from ignorance and cluelessness though, not malice. However it also means we cannot trust anything he says. Which is insanity trying to run a household and raise children with.
And many of the “lies” and omittances are to cover up mistakes or mishaps or damage so it’s destabilizing to live with all those surprises and setbacks. And having to discover broken things or missed appointments the hard way, can be infuriating. The communication is always that poor.

I don’t think passing off a store-bought pie as your own cooking quite rises to what you’re describing.

In the second point, if case OP is dealing a chronic white lies or lies, I have lived that.
Lie about know which direction to go.
Lies about how to hang a 40 pound mirror.
Lies about the XYZ working and when it stopped working
Lies about having done something already - then scrambles to do it.

If OPs mom is just saying little conversational things like it’s cloudy or I made some cookies, BFD. She’s prob just confusing the days.

If she says yes I went to my doctor check up this year and she actually didn’t and is recollecting two years ago appt, that’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know what you mean. For instance, I was visiting once and I was complimenting the pie and my mom said it was home made. I was flabbergasted as if you knew my mom's cooking that I grew up with, there is no earthly way she would be able to make a pie crust. I was so impressed that I asked some questions to find out more like where she learned how to make the pie. It became painfully clear that she didn't make the pie, but for some reason said she did (she wanted the praise?)

I quickly let it go and moved on to another topic, but I've seen other instances like that. I wonder if it's just a facet of getting older as never in all the previous years would my mom have ever felt the need to make up something like that. I am a little worried, I must admit.

People saying storebought desserts were homemade is like one of the most common white lies ever.

It’s also dumb to lie about since it’s so obvious.

My spouse, and his father and brother, has aspergers and “lies” all the time.

It’s driven from ignorance and cluelessness though, not malice. However it also means we cannot trust anything he says. Which is insanity trying to run a household and raise children with.
And many of the “lies” and omittances are to cover up mistakes or mishaps or damage so it’s destabilizing to live with all those surprises and setbacks. And having to discover broken things or missed appointments the hard way, can be infuriating. The communication is always that poor.

I don’t think passing off a store-bought pie as your own cooking quite rises to what you’re describing.

It seems like a deliberate lie. So something else is driving that.

It’s not like you forgot you made cookies last month and these must be them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know what you mean. For instance, I was visiting once and I was complimenting the pie and my mom said it was home made. I was flabbergasted as if you knew my mom's cooking that I grew up with, there is no earthly way she would be able to make a pie crust. I was so impressed that I asked some questions to find out more like where she learned how to make the pie. It became painfully clear that she didn't make the pie, but for some reason said she did (she wanted the praise?)

I quickly let it go and moved on to another topic, but I've seen other instances like that. I wonder if it's just a facet of getting older as never in all the previous years would my mom have ever felt the need to make up something like that. I am a little worried, I must admit.

People saying storebought desserts were homemade is like one of the most common white lies ever.

It’s also dumb to lie about since it’s so obvious.

My spouse, and his father and brother, has aspergers and “lies” all the time.

It’s driven from ignorance and cluelessness though, not malice. However it also means we cannot trust anything he says. Which is insanity trying to run a household and raise children with.
And many of the “lies” and omittances are to cover up mistakes or mishaps or damage so it’s destabilizing to live with all those surprises and setbacks. And having to discover broken things or missed appointments the hard way, can be infuriating. The communication is always that poor.

I don’t think passing off a store-bought pie as your own cooking quite rises to what you’re describing.

It seems like a deliberate lie. So something else is driving that.

It’s not like you forgot you made cookies last month and these must be them!

No one said it wasn’t a deliberate lie, it just…doesn’t matter. Like is PP similarly perplexed why people lie about how much they weigh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a petty obvious lie and store bought desserts suk and are loaded with sugar.

Homemade desserts also can suck and be loaded with sugar. If someone knows they can’t cook, I’ll take the one from the bakery and smile politely when they pass it off as their own.

[Anonymous]

I once went over and set up new phones throughout my mom’s house. Landline phones. It was a four pack from Costco. She only needed three, so one handset was leftover.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, she claims she has searched everywhere in her house for that and can’t find it, but oh yeah, I remember that YOU took it home with you that day. However, I remember boxing it up and her placing it in a closet. After that, no clue where it went.



I have NO CLUE what she gained from telling me she searched high and low while simultaneously “knowing” she didn’t have it because I took it. I think someone is on to something when they say it’s blaming to make themselves feel better about forgetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a petty obvious lie and store bought desserts suk and are loaded with sugar.

Homemade desserts also can suck and be loaded with sugar. If someone knows they can’t cook, I’ll take the one from the bakery and smile politely when they pass it off as their own.

I think culturally supporting lying in any form is an issue of a bigger societal challenge. Normalizing it can be toxic and damaging. Not saying yell at someone, but being a truth teller is what keeps our fabric woven and not frayed.

[Anonymous]

Most people make homemade desserts so they can cut out the sugars.

But some overly sweet recipes and desserts are terrible no matter what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a petty obvious lie and store bought desserts suk and are loaded with sugar.

Homemade desserts also can suck and be loaded with sugar. If someone knows they can’t cook, I’ll take the one from the bakery and smile politely when they pass it off as their own.

I think culturally supporting lying in any form is an issue of a bigger societal challenge. Normalizing it can be toxic and damaging. Not saying yell at someone, but being a truth teller is what keeps our fabric woven and not frayed.

True.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother always lies about little things and it’s so odd. I’m curious why she does this, and what she gains from it.

Like right now, I was just on the phone with my mom and mentioned how nice it is the sun is out. She lives just one town over, but close. She gasped in surprise and said it was cloudy as could be by her. I looked in the direction of her house and didn’t see clouds, so I looked on the weather app and it said it was currently “sunny” where she lives.

It’s always small, seemingly meaningless things like that. I have no idea why she feels the need to lie. I never call her out on it because, well, I don’t know, I just never felt it worth it. But maybe I should?

Conversation fillers.

Glad it’s minor, irrelevant things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a petty obvious lie and store bought desserts suk and are loaded with sugar.

Homemade desserts also can suck and be loaded with sugar. If someone knows they can’t cook, I’ll take the one from the bakery and smile politely when they pass it off as their own.

I think culturally supporting lying in any form is an issue of a bigger societal challenge. Normalizing it can be toxic and damaging. Not saying yell at someone, but being a truth teller is what keeps our fabric woven and not frayed.

I can’t take this response seriously. Her mom said she made a dessert that she didn’t make. Ffs.