PK3 adjustment is so hard! Is this normal? What to do??

[Anonymous]

Eliminate the aftercare if you can. That's hard on little kids who are used to being at home all the time.

[Anonymous]

Public preschool + aftercare is often too much for some kids. It’s not at all unusual! We pulled our kid from a very well-regarded DCPS PK3 program for this reason. He was just really unhappy and they were not able to deal with the issues. He moved to a smaller daycare and was so much happier.

At a minimum consider if he really has to do aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twins and one adjusted to school just fine and the other was like your child.

It was difficult for the first couple weeks, and all of a sudden the switch flipped. Your child will adjust soon and you'll forget all about this time until you see someone else post about it years from now.

May or may not happen. My child never adjusted and I regretted making him stick with it for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aftercare is generally somewhat lower quality more group babysitting than school. A lack of structure at aftercare can be very tiring/stressful for younger children. That said, its only week 2 and its brand new and an adjustment for all of them (not just your child). Pick him up as early as you can work permitting. It will get lots better.

this. OP you should go hang out a bit at aftercare to see what it’s like.

[Anonymous]

Hard "NO!!!!" to everyone suggesting that you tell your mom she can watch the kid if it upsets her. That encourages and empowers her to get all up in your sh*t. She doesn't get a vote. She needs to be supportive or STFU. If you don't want her being passive aggressive then don't do it yourself. Be direct and set boundaries.

As for the kid, you and kid will be fine. Change is sometimes hard for little ones (and moms). Kid will cry until kid stops crying. Also, and I don't mean to be critical but rather constructive, based on your post you are contributing to the kid's issues. They need to feel supported and like this PK3 change is positive. Your concern and second guessing is most surely being observed and internalized by the kid. You need to learn to fake it. Not suggesting you dismiss your kid's concerns but you need to do what's best for them even if what is best scares them.

In short order this will all pass. Hang in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twins and one adjusted to school just fine and the other was like your child.

It was difficult for the first couple weeks, and all of a sudden the switch flipped. Your child will adjust soon and you'll forget all about this time until you see someone else post about it years from now.

May or may not happen. My child never adjusted and I regretted making him stick with it for so long.

100% chance that is a reflection on you and not your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public preschool + aftercare is often too much for some kids. It’s not at all unusual! We pulled our kid from a very well-regarded DCPS PK3 program for this reason. He was just really unhappy and they were not able to deal with the issues. He moved to a smaller daycare and was so much happier.

At a minimum consider if he really has to do aftercare?

They were not able to deal with the issues you created and enabled. For which you blame them. I weep for your kid's future teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard "NO!!!!" to everyone suggesting that you tell your mom she can watch the kid if it upsets her. That encourages and empowers her to get all up in your sh*t. She doesn't get a vote. She needs to be supportive or STFU. If you don't want her being passive aggressive then don't do it yourself. Be direct and set boundaries.

As for the kid, you and kid will be fine. Change is sometimes hard for little ones (and moms). Kid will cry until kid stops crying. Also, and I don't mean to be critical but rather constructive, based on your post you are contributing to the kid's issues. They need to feel supported and like this PK3 change is positive. Your concern and second guessing is most surely being observed and internalized by the kid. You need to learn to fake it. Not suggesting you dismiss your kid's concerns but you need to do what's best for them even if what is best scares them.

In short order this will all pass. Hang in.

ummm no, her mom is right. this is a long day for a 3 year old, and that is why he is struggling. kids adapt (sometimes) but plenty of parents don’t want to force their 3 year old to adapt to that. I knew plenty of sane parents who didn’t do aftercare because it was too much (even for older kids.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public preschool + aftercare is often too much for some kids. It’s not at all unusual! We pulled our kid from a very well-regarded DCPS PK3 program for this reason. He was just really unhappy and they were not able to deal with the issues. He moved to a smaller daycare and was so much happier.

At a minimum consider if he really has to do aftercare?

They were not able to deal with the issues you created and enabled. For which you blame them. I weep for your kid's future teachers.

oh ffs. these are LITTLE kids. unlike you, I am not here to shame anyone. Many need to use free PK and aftercare, and some kids do fine. but it is a lot for many 3 year olds and it is really common to pull them from aftercare.

as for my kid - the proof was in the pudding. he was SO much happier at the small, mellow daycare. he went back to the same DCPS for K and did great. DCPS PKs are fine for certain types of kids but they are not set up for nurture and comfort - and a lot of parents still want that for their toddlers barely out of diapers. In addition, DCPS as an insititution just is not set up for the needs of 3-4 year olds. We found the school was not prepared institutionally to handle normal developmental stuff because the focus was on older kids. Daycare was much more attuned and attentive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twins and one adjusted to school just fine and the other was like your child.

It was difficult for the first couple weeks, and all of a sudden the switch flipped. Your child will adjust soon and you'll forget all about this time until you see someone else post about it years from now.

May or may not happen. My child never adjusted and I regretted making him stick with it for so long.

100% chance that is a reflection on you and not your kid.

Ok ladies and gentlemen - who to chose to believe? The mom-shaming troll, or the mom who has gone through this exact scenario?

[Anonymous]

First off you are a great mom. It will get better - it could a week or a month.
Most melatonin gummies are recommended for 4 and above but you could try half of one of those for him before bedtime to get him to sleep earlier.
Pk3 was hard for us too and so far for Pk4 has been a huge improvement. Hang in there - many many other families deal with this. Sleep is the key for now.

[Anonymous]

Give it 6 weeks, he will be fine.
One option is to skip aftercare for this first semester and pay for an afternoon nanny.

Our PK3 kid had a few rough weeks at first last year. But he was coming from a daycare setting and already knew the ropes. I think he was just happy to not wear a mask in DCPS!

But yeah, keeping a kid exclusively with a nanny for first 3-4 years will lead to lots of issues with starting school. They definitely have a rougher adjustment and more sick days than the Daycare Kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Appreciate the feedback. We’re definitely doing an earlier bedtime, we’ll see if that helps.

For those of you saying “eliminate aftercare if you can” - how are people doing that? Serious question. Unless you have a stay at home parent, family nearby who can help, or the money for your own nanny indefinitely, what’s the other option? It seems like most people don’t have any of those things (including us - my mom is several states away). We dug into savings to afford 18 months of our own nanny for our two kids, after having done a nanny share for our first before #2 came along. We had to move back to a share for the youngest ASAP for financial reasons - keeping our own nanny would cost us an extra $3000 a month. After care is $400. That’s ENORMOUS savings. Is there some other option here I’m not seeing? We do both have pretty flexible jobs, but not flexible enough to leave at 3 every day, or even half the days. And I feel like we need to save our flexibility for the endless sick days I know are coming our way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Appreciate the feedback. We’re definitely doing an earlier bedtime, we’ll see if that helps.

For those of you saying “eliminate aftercare if you can” - how are people doing that? Serious question. Unless you have a stay at home parent, family nearby who can help, or the money for your own nanny indefinitely, what’s the other option? It seems like most people don’t have any of those things (including us - my mom is several states away). We dug into savings to afford 18 months of our own nanny for our two kids, after having done a nanny share for our first before #2 came along. We had to move back to a share for the youngest ASAP for financial reasons - keeping our own nanny would cost us an extra $3000 a month. After care is $400. That’s ENORMOUS savings. Is there some other option here I’m not seeing? We do both have pretty flexible jobs, but not flexible enough to leave at 3 every day, or even half the days. And I feel like we need to save our flexibility for the endless sick days I know are coming our way.

I’m one who’s skipping aftercare (after having paid for it ugh). How we do it: Spouse does drop off for daycare (opens at 7:30) and school (ready for kids at 8:10 while I work 8-3. Spouse gets to work by 9. I pick my prek3 kid at 3 and take her home for a snack, usually finishing up work stuff while she eats it. Then I bring her to pick up her brother from daycare at 4, we all come home have dinner/bath/bed for the kids and then I do a bit more work around 9-10 before going to bed myself. It works because my job is flexible enough I can leave at 3 (most people I work with are in Europe so I almost never have meetings in the afternoon) and the school is literally across the street so pickup isn’t very time consuming. That being said it’s pretty exhausting and I’m hoping we can ease back into aftercare once she adjusts a bit for at least a couple days a week.

[Anonymous]

Can't help with the nap adjustment.

But I learned early on in parenting never to complain to my mom about anything that was hard for me or baby. I got comments exactly like that. Lean on other friends for emotional support. That filtering is within your control.