Conversation dynamic with mom - normal?

[Anonymous]

I’m similar ages and my mom is deeply interested in my life and the grandkids’. Lots of questions about them. I think her life has gotten less interesting so she doesn’t have as much to say.

I wish she had more friends. I’ve wished that my whole life and swore I wouldn’t be like that. But here I am after Covid and my close friends have gone away mostly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 100% this way. I agree with your friend. I think it’s a feature of getting older.

+1

[Anonymous]

If this is a change, You could have her assessed for depression etc.
70 is still pretty young.
I work with older adults and there is a range. Some 70s are as sprightly as 40. Others are more like 85.

My mom has always talked about herself her whole life. She also had lots of complaints but this was even at age 50. So not surprising this is worse at age 80.

[Anonymous]

I haven't yet seen this change in my mother. She's 73. My father, on the other hand, was always like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! As a mid- 60s mom here, I would love it if my daughter wanted me to ask her questions. I'm so interested in her life and job. I have tried for years with normal catch up conversation questions, but was always met with one word or vague answers. So, to at least have a connection, I just tell her about my life.

Well you sound better than my mom. I've worked at the same place for 10+ years and I'm pretty certain she couldn't tell you the name of the company I work at. She asks NOTHING abut my life. Asks a little about her grandchild, but usually interrupts to compare to her other grandchildren. I stopped calling her because of it and she hasn't called me for a few years because she says that's my job, not hers. She's a real peach.

I relate to this too! I’m one of the PPs who said my conversations with my mom consist mainly of her complaining. She also usually interrupts any attempts I make to talk and redirects back to her woes with, “Well, like I said…” and lists the same complaints over again. One of which is usually that I don’t call often enough. And yet, she never calls me. Weeks will go by if I wait for her to call. No call on my birthday this year even. And yet, I consistently hear “Sure wish we could catch up more often…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is a change, You could have her assessed for depression etc.
70 is still pretty young.
I work with older adults and there is a range. Some 70s are as sprightly as 40. Others are more like 85.

My mom has always talked about herself her whole life. She also had lots of complaints but this was even at age 50. So not surprising this is worse at age 80.

This is what I am wondering. NP here. I was going to post a thread about MIL being the same way. She is impossible to talk to, because she is selfish, centered, petulant, and "always right" - but she was always this way. Wondering if your mom was always this way OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is a change, You could have her assessed for depression etc.
70 is still pretty young.
I work with older adults and there is a range. Some 70s are as sprightly as 40. Others are more like 85.

My mom has always talked about herself her whole life. She also had lots of complaints but this was even at age 50. So not surprising this is worse at age 80.

This is what I am wondering. NP here. I was going to post a thread about MIL being the same way. She is impossible to talk to, because she is selfish, centered, petulant, and "always right" - but she was always this way. Wondering if your mom was always this way OP?

* self centered (not centered, LOL)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m similar ages and my mom is deeply interested in my life and the grandkids’. Lots of questions about them. I think her life has gotten less interesting so she doesn’t have as much to say.

I wish she had more friends. I’ve wished that my whole life and swore I wouldn’t be like that. But here I am after Covid and my close friends have gone away mostly.

Strangely as my mom's life has gotten less interesting, she asks even less about me and my family. She's retiring next year and I hate to see how much worse things will get. It'll be hours long rants about even less important stuff because she and my dad will be in the house together all day. She has no hobbies or friends. No clue why she's in a rush to retire. I'd have more sympathy if I truly thought it was just aging, but she's been like this for years. I think she's just a narcissist (or at the least, extremely self centered).

[Anonymous]

OP, she's less capable than you think. Driven by caution. Afraid of what she doesn't remember, might ask, might search for a word/get a name wrong ... wrong school name, wrong activity. She probably, for that brief time, was taking notes. Easier for her to talk about whatever she's prepared to talk about. Unfortunately, very common, especially for elders.

Find others who can fill the role you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m glad to know this one-way “conversation” is not uncommon. It’s frustrating and boring to sit through and I avoid seeing my ILs because of it.

HAHAHAHAHA it was just a matter of time before some shrew brought up her in laws! Never change, DCUM.

[Anonymous]

It’s better than my mom, who only wants to talk about my sister and her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s better than my mom, who only wants to talk about my sister and her family.

I'm one of the PP's. The only other topic my mom likes besides talking about herself is talking about my sister and her family. Never, ever, ever wants to know what we are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s better than my mom, who only wants to talk about my sister and her family.

I'm one of the PP's. The only other topic my mom likes besides talking about herself is talking about my sister and her family. Never, ever, ever wants to know what we are doing.

DP. This is me, too! Every single detail about my sister’s ILs. Has asked about my husband’s family maybe three times in 20 years, not even kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s better than my mom, who only wants to talk about my sister and her family.

I'm one of the PP's. The only other topic my mom likes besides talking about herself is talking about my sister and her family. Never, ever, ever wants to know what we are doing.

DP. This is me, too! Every single detail about my sister’s ILs. Has asked about my husband’s family maybe three times in 20 years, not even kidding.

Exactly this!!! She makes sure I know every time BIL gets a promotion but probably couldn’t even tell you the name of DH’s employer.

[Anonymous]

OP is being ageist. My MIL is 95 and has never once talked about herself. She always asks how we’re doing, how our kids are doing, how my family is doing, etc. My mother is 86 and hasn’t talked about anyone but herself for 70 years.

It has nothing to do with their age and everything to do with their personality.