Is this rude of MIL?

[Anonymous]

Nope, not rude. Why is this bothering you? (Seriously curious.)

Unless MIL is close to your parents, it doesn't seem like something to be concerned.

Is your mother upset?

Is something else about her visit bothering you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing I think is most off is the timing of her trip if DH would be gone for a month.

The calling thing wouldn’t even cross my mind. My parents got along well with my in laws but they never communicated independently.

This! Totally unacceptable. Well, for me, a 2 month visit would be totally unacceptable at any time, but I know some people feel differently.

Yep. My MIL visited for a week earlier this month and even my husband wanted to kick her out after a few days.

[Anonymous]

80!

Most 80 year olds do not cook, are sedentary, and it's a wonder if they're lucid and not medically fragile, OP!

Also, why on earth would she call your parents if she's not best friends with them?

You sound entirely clueless and weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
80!

Most 80 year olds do not cook, are sedentary, and it's a wonder if they're lucid and not medically fragile, OP!

Also, why on earth would she call your parents if she's not best friends with them?

You sound entirely clueless and weird.

Me again. I would never invite my parents or in-laws over for 2 months, and if my husband were to suggest it, or the guests in question, I would have no trouble saying NO. It seems you're letting resentment from hosting spill over into unrelated demands that she call your mother and cook. That's not OK. You should be more self-aware, and understand that when an 80 year old visits you, YOU will need to do all the work. Next time don't host for that long!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
80!

Most 80 year olds do not cook, are sedentary, and it's a wonder if they're lucid and not medically fragile, OP!

Also, why on earth would she call your parents if she's not best friends with them?

You sound entirely clueless and weird.

Not the 80 yos I know, including our parents. Yikes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, to answer your question - No your MILis not being rude.

I truly hope that you read these responses and realize that is all you and you are handling the situation. Try to change your attitude. One should have natural compassion for their DH's mother, someone that was seriously ill, and someone that is 80 years old. Your MIL is all 3 of these!!

She is a guest in your home, that I am assuming you invited (or DH did - his home too). If you were not willing to take care of her, cook, etc... that should have been considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
80!

Most 80 year olds do not cook, are sedentary, and it's a wonder if they're lucid and not medically fragile, OP!

Also, why on earth would she call your parents if she's not best friends with them?

You sound entirely clueless and weird.

Totally off topic, but my parents and most of their friends are the opposite of what you describe. My in laws were nothing like this either.

But regarding OP’s post, I can’t imagine why her MIL would call her mom unless they’ve had an independent friendship and that’s a normal behavior for them. I can’t think of anyone I know whose parents and inlaws have that kind of relationship, even the ones who get along very well at family events.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I will take it whole heartedly. I think I’m annoyed because my husband invited his mom and has not been here for a month. All the work is falling on me. It’s not fair. She worships the ground he walks upon so even though he is missing he can do know wrong in her mind and has a valid reason.

My own mother did not say anything on the other side of country. she did mention that she was visiting my Dad’s older sister who mentioned that my mother-in-law calls all the time. The backstory is is that my maternal aunt’s grandson is married to my my mother-in-law’s grand daughter as in my husband’s niece. So my mother-in-law calls my maternal aunt who is her grand daughter’s, father-in-law’s mom and she cannot even pick up the phone and call my Dad or Mom? Anyways, I’m being petty. Thanks for calling me out on this. I should redirect my annoyance at my husband or just he less annoyed in life.

[Anonymous]

Sorry too many typos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
80!

Most 80 year olds do not cook, are sedentary, and it's a wonder if they're lucid and not medically fragile, OP!

Also, why on earth would she call your parents if she's not best friends with them?

You sound entirely clueless and weird.

Totally off topic, but my parents and most of their friends are the opposite of what you describe. My in laws were nothing like this either.

But regarding OP’s post, I can’t imagine why her MIL would call her mom unless they’ve had an independent friendship and that’s a normal behavior for them. I can’t think of anyone I know whose parents and inlaws have that kind of relationship, even the ones who get along very well at family events.

Agreed, this is a very old-fashioned notion of 80 year olds. My parents are running around with a pack of similarly-aged friends like they're seniors in the last week of high school--travel, parties, elaborate dinners. Retirement looks freaking awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I will take it whole heartedly. I think I’m annoyed because my husband invited his mom and has not been here for a month. All the work is falling on me. It’s not fair. She worships the ground he walks upon so even though he is missing he can do know wrong in her mind and has a valid reason.

My own mother did not say anything on the other side of country. she did mention that she was visiting my Dad’s older sister who mentioned that my mother-in-law calls all the time. The backstory is is that my maternal aunt’s grandson is married to my my mother-in-law’s grand daughter as in my husband’s niece. So my mother-in-law calls my maternal aunt who is her grand daughter’s, father-in-law’s mom and she cannot even pick up the phone and call my Dad or Mom? Anyways, I’m being petty. Thanks for calling me out on this. I should redirect my annoyance at my husband or just he less annoyed in life.

You have a husband issue, not a MIL issue.

[Anonymous]

Are you desi? Guessing from the convoluted in-law extended relationships and the 2-month visit

My mom and MIL call each other periodically but I don't keep track of when they talk. Maybe every few weeks? or months? Neither seems bothered if it's been a while. If your mom wants to hear from MIL, she can always call again. Doesn't need to wait for the call-back from when MIL was sick.

Last point - it's crappy if DH invited MIL knowing he's going to be gone for work. Talk to him about that and make sure he knows not to do that again.

[Anonymous]

Your DH dumped his annoying mother on you and the only thing you’re upset about is that she didn’t call your parents?

[Anonymous]

I can guarantee you your DH does not need to be on a month-long business trip. I imagine you are taking care of your kids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee you your DH does not need to be on a month-long business trip. I imagine you are taking care of your kids as well.

Yeah, are you sure he’s traveling for work? Maybe he’s just trying to get away from his mother.