Scattered all over the country or globe

[Anonymous]

Pluses: The relationships are friendlier because there is no day to day conflict, we get to visit top notch locations on the cheap several times a year, we are all exposed to different cultures and points of view.

Cons: Young kids don’t have the strongest bonds to cousins or grandparents. Helping aging parents navigate this stage of life.

[Anonymous]

DH's family is concentrated in two states, but neither of them are VA. Visiting the in-laws is a flight.

My family is all over the southern US and Asia. My family in Asia comes back to the US once a year and we always visit. My parents and a sibling are a flight away.

It's expensive to be far apart, but with the exception of one sibling who moved by choice, for the rest of us moves out of our home state were to follow career opportunities.

When my kids were little it would have been nice to have grandparents nearby, but I'm not sure the long term trade off in terms of expectations and time demands would have been worth it. We love both our parents and see them multiple times a year and I think I prefer that to juggling them being here. That said, I never lived near grandparents until I was a teenager and one set moved to our town so I don't have a model for how you easily incorporate local family into a busy lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

It’s always been normal to me, but as I’ve gotten older I wish we had more of a family bond. We rarely saw extended family, and never at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is multi-national. At one point, I had close relatives on every continent apart from Antarctica. They weren't there for work, they were there because they are nationals of these countries.

It makes it difficult for people to see each other, because most of us are not wealthy and travel is expensive. However, I truly value the open-mindedness and religious/cultural tolerance it affords my family. I have Muslim cousins, Buddhist cousins, and Catholic cousins.

I have all that and more in one state!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult I know no different, so I can’t compare how it would be to be an adult with nearby family/ILs. We are 3000 miles from one set and 400 miles from the other. One requires a 6 hour flight plus airport item, one requires a 6+ hour drive depending on traffic (flying would take the same amount of time given the location of that set).

I will say that as our parents are getting older (73/78 and 77/81) this is becoming more problematic as given the constraints of work/annual leave/childcare/budget/etc it is not easy to simply pick up and go when assistance is needed. On the flip side, we did not receive nor expect help from grandparents. Our siblings who live closer did receive help and it’s frustrating to us that neither set who took took took seems to now be willing to reciprocate despite proximity (same dynamic on both sides of the family).

I often wonder if it would have been better to be nearby because when the further away set was still traveling to visit us, they would come and stay for weeks and it was a huge imposition to have guests in the house for that long when we were clearly not able to take off weeks from work and the children had school. It felt like a real strain on the relationship. Maybe if an afternoon visit or a Sunday dinner had been a possibility there would have been an easier relationship.

So basically you don't want to live near in-laws or drive to visit them nor have them visit you for more than a dinner? I totally understand that its tough for young families to host or travel but then what's the solution?

I never indicated which side was which. Visiting us for weeks at a time is tough on us as family. We don’t have a true guest area, so there’s zero separation. It means we can’t work from home at all during that time, so it impacted our ability to get our children timely from school to their activities due to adding the commute back in on those days. Not to mention having to clean up after and feed extra people for weeks.

I was merely stating that I imagine if we lived closer to either side, we could have had an afternoon visit or regular Sunday dinners which would seemingly in my mind be easier than weeks on end of houseguests. I don’t want to live near my parents nor my ILs. Our jobs are very DC specific which is why we live here. We made that choice and I was giving the cons in my mind of our particular long distance situation and speculating that perhaps it would have been easier if we did live close, for a variety of reasons. We have hosted many many times over the last nearly 20 years for both sides and we visit each side at least once a year as well. It’s not as if we aren’t pulling our weight here nor have we ever said either side couldn’t come. It’s merely difficult and not doesn’t do wonders for our lives while they are here and this makes for a more strained relationship because we aren’t particularly joyful about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is multi-national. At one point, I had close relatives on every continent apart from Antarctica. They weren't there for work, they were there because they are nationals of these countries.

It makes it difficult for people to see each other, because most of us are not wealthy and travel is expensive. However, I truly value the open-mindedness and religious/cultural tolerance it affords my family. I have Muslim cousins, Buddhist cousins, and Catholic cousins.

A friend of mine has Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish and atheist in her immediate family, they've too much fun as they they try to celebrate every holiday they can.

I have all that and more in one state!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is multi-national. At one point, I had close relatives on every continent apart from Antarctica. They weren't there for work, they were there because they are nationals of these countries.

It makes it difficult for people to see each other, because most of us are not wealthy and travel is expensive. However, I truly value the open-mindedness and religious/cultural tolerance it affords my family. I have Muslim cousins, Buddhist cousins, and Catholic cousins.


Love it!

I have all that and more in one state!

[Anonymous]

My parents and extended family are an hour away. At first I wished we were closer by so there would be more interaction, but now I like this arrangement—just far enough that everyone is not in each other’s business, close enough for visiting every now and then.

ILs a long flight away. My spouse misses them and is concerned they are aging. This will be a problem that we have to deal with soon.

[Anonymous]

My parents never put any restrictions on what we could do or achieve. There was never any guilt about staying close to them. We are all super loyal and make sure we fly or drive in when they need help. We plan vacations or other times to see each other. One brother lives in Australia with his family so that is more challenging but I'm happy they are living an amazing, adventurous life more than that they were living in the same town as me.

[Anonymous]

PP here with the Australian brother...I see some benefits of being close to the family, like Sunday dinners, but also have spent enough time on DCUM and similar forums to know this proximity creates a lot of issues, too.

[Anonymous]

My family is like this. Three continents and most of my US close relatives are in other parts of the country a flight away.

Agree with a PP that Whatsapp makes it easier.

I wish it were easier to get together and do big holidays together. It's hard when everyone has to fly, hotels or get a huge rental etc. I definitely wish my kids had a closer relationship with their cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents never put any restrictions on what we could do or achieve. There was never any guilt about staying close to them. We are all super loyal and make sure we fly or drive in when they need help. We plan vacations or other times to see each other. One brother lives in Australia with his family so that is more challenging but I'm happy they are living an amazing, adventurous life more than that they were living in the same town as me.

I'm the poster with a siblings spread out in the US and Asia and agreed. My parents would love it if we were closer, but not once did they put themselves between us and where life took us.

[Anonymous]

For those that have a great relationship with family, it sucks! We intend to move closer, though it might be a few years before we can make it happen.

[Anonymous]

It makes for some pretty adventurous meet-ups. But it is often a problem when time zones are misaligned. For instance, my brother and I are close but live in time zones 12 hours different. But we find our way.

[Anonymous]

My family has recently been scattered. I hate it! It makes it so difficult to get together for holidays or celebrations. It’s especially disappointing because I want that for my kids - to be around their aunts/uncles/cousins.