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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As an adult I know no different, so I can’t compare how it would be to be an adult with nearby family/ILs. We are 3000 miles from one set and 400 miles from the other. One requires a 6 hour flight plus airport item, one requires a 6+ hour drive depending on traffic (flying would take the same amount of time given the location of that set).

I will say that as our parents are getting older (73/78 and 77/81) this is becoming more problematic as given the constraints of work/annual leave/childcare/budget/etc it is not easy to simply pick up and go when assistance is needed. On the flip side, we did not receive nor expect help from grandparents. Our siblings who live closer did receive help and it’s frustrating to us that neither set who took took took seems to now be willing to reciprocate despite proximity (same dynamic on both sides of the family).

I often wonder if it would have been better to be nearby because when the further away set was still traveling to visit us, they would come and stay for weeks and it was a huge imposition to have guests in the house for that long when we were clearly not able to take off weeks from work and the children had school. It felt like a real strain on the relationship. Maybe if an afternoon visit or a Sunday dinner had been a possibility there would have been an easier relationship. [/quote]

So basically you don't want to live near in-laws or drive to visit them nor have them visit you for more than a dinner? I totally understand that its tough for young families to host or travel but then what's the solution?[/quote]

I never indicated which side was which. Visiting us for weeks at a time is tough on us as family. We don’t have a true guest area, so there’s zero separation. It means we can’t work from home at all during that time, so it impacted our ability to get our children timely from school to their activities due to adding the commute back in on those days. Not to mention having to clean up after and feed extra people for weeks.

I was merely stating that I imagine if we lived closer to either side, we could have had an afternoon visit or regular Sunday dinners which would seemingly in my mind be easier than weeks on end of houseguests. I don’t want to live near my parents nor my ILs. Our jobs are very DC specific which is why we live here. We made that choice and I was giving the cons in my mind of our particular long distance situation and speculating that perhaps it would have been easier if we did live close, for a variety of reasons. We have hosted many many times over the last nearly 20 years for both sides and we visit each side at least once a year as well. It’s not as if we aren’t pulling our weight here nor have we ever said either side couldn’t come. It’s merely difficult and not doesn’t do wonders for our lives while they are here and this makes for a more strained relationship because we aren’t particularly joyful about it. [/quote]

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