Should I email the teacher ahead of school starting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Right, 5 minutes for you. You are one of 25ish families. If every other parent wants a “quick 5 minutes” there goes the whole hour that should have been dedicated to quick greetings, parents and kids walking around the room together and kids learning some of their new classmates names.
Again, Open House is not for mini-conferences.

.....

Got it. I'll make sure to avoid talking to my kid's teacher at Open House next week then. Didn't realize this was the attitude teachers had toward it. I thought the quick 1:1 interactions at Open House was a feature, not a bug of the event. But I guess not.

You live and you learn.

I've had several parents tell me at open house that they are going to email me about their child and that I should email if I have questions but otherwise they are hoping to schedule a conference soon to discuss more.

This takes 30 seconds and is great because it doesn't take too much time nor does it air personal matters to the whole room.

[Anonymous]

I would email principal now. Your kid may be assigned to a teacher who has low tolerance for anxious kids. They may be able to consider a switch. Do not ask for it, just tell the principal what you told us. The principal likely knows which teachers are more capable of handling.

But yes absolutely give them a heads up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely email. My kids had IEPs throughout ES. I always emailed their teachers ahead of the 1st day in elementary school. I wanted to assure things started off on a successful note. I also used the opportunity to thank the teacher in advance knowing my kids were extra work and to offer my support in any way needed.

I never email ahead of the 1st day, but I bring to teacher attention to make sure that she/he is aware of that my kid has diagnosis and IEP if I attend open house. And, I also ask if she/he has a copy of IEP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Right, 5 minutes for you. You are one of 25ish families. If every other parent wants a “quick 5 minutes” there goes the whole hour that should have been dedicated to quick greetings, parents and kids walking around the room together and kids learning some of their new classmates names.
Again, Open House is not for mini-conferences.

.....

Got it. I'll make sure to avoid talking to my kid's teacher at Open House next week then. Didn't realize this was the attitude teachers had toward it. I thought the quick 1:1 interactions at Open House was a feature, not a bug of the event. But I guess not.

You live and you learn.

NP here. This seriously never occurred to you that you are one of many? I bet you also want "just a sec" from a coach after every game. Not everything revolves around you.

Of course I know I'm one of many. I've been going to Open House for years. Usually, there are maybe 3-5 kids in the room at a time and a lot of dead air to fill, so me and the teachers have often had 1:1s and small talk during Open House.

But apparently, this is some kind of anomaly and I'm a monster for thinking you can chat with a teacher during Open House.

One of my favorite ES teachers actually made this point during her "intro speech." At the time for parent questions, she said "If you raise your hand, please ask yourself whether your question pertains to every single child in the room. If not, please send me an email and I'm happy to speak with you in private."

She was compassionate but firm and drew boundaries early because she was a veteran who understood that some parents will abuse any forum they can in order to "advocate for" their specific kid.

To the OP - I think an email or note with an offer to follow up later is perfect and letting her know you are on top of this and seeking professional help will only ease the way with the teacher and other staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

No, no, NO!!! Why in the universe would you think an open house for ALL students and families is the appropriate time to talk about a detailed and sensitive issue for ONE child. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Right, 5 minutes for you. You are one of 25ish families. If every other parent wants a “quick 5 minutes” there goes the whole hour that should have been dedicated to quick greetings, parents and kids walking around the room together and kids learning some of their new classmates names.
Again, Open House is not for mini-conferences.

.....

Got it. I'll make sure to avoid talking to my kid's teacher at Open House next week then. Didn't realize this was the attitude teachers had toward it. I thought the quick 1:1 interactions at Open House was a feature, not a bug of the event. But I guess not.

You live and you learn.

No, one on one discussions is definitely not a feature of the open house. I'm not a teacher, just a parent who gets so incredibly annoyed by parents like you. Last year my child literally didn't even get to introduce herself to her 5th grade teacher because of "just five minutes" parents like you.
hopefully now that you know better, you'll do better in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Right, 5 minutes for you. You are one of 25ish families. If every other parent wants a “quick 5 minutes” there goes the whole hour that should have been dedicated to quick greetings, parents and kids walking around the room together and kids learning some of their new classmates names.
Again, Open House is not for mini-conferences.

.....

Got it. I'll make sure to avoid talking to my kid's teacher at Open House next week then. Didn't realize this was the attitude teachers had toward it. I thought the quick 1:1 interactions at Open House was a feature, not a bug of the event. But I guess not.

You live and you learn.

NP here. This seriously never occurred to you that you are one of many? I bet you also want "just a sec" from a coach after every game. Not everything revolves around you.

Of course I know I'm one of many. I've been going to Open House for years. Usually, there are maybe 3-5 kids in the room at a time and a lot of dead air to fill, so me and the teachers have often had 1:1s and small talk during Open House.

But apparently, this is some kind of anomaly and I'm a monster for thinking you can chat with a teacher during Open House.

One of my favorite ES teachers actually made this point during her "intro speech." At the time for parent questions, she said "If you raise your hand, please ask yourself whether your question pertains to every single child in the room. If not, please send me an email and I'm happy to speak with you in private."

She was compassionate but firm and drew boundaries early because she was a veteran who understood that some parents will abuse any forum they can in order to "advocate for" their specific kid.

To the OP - I think an email or note with an offer to follow up later is perfect and letting her know you are on top of this and seeking professional help will only ease the way with the teacher and other staff.

I don’t know how your Open Houses are, but the ones I’ve been to are literally, an open house. There’s no agenda and there’s no group discussion. You say hi to the teacher, they point you to your kid’s desk and then the kid walks around the classroom while mom or dad chit chats with the teacher.

So again, the 1:1 conversations happen organically because of the way the Open House is set up. This isn’t a public conversation with the whole classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Right, 5 minutes for you. You are one of 25ish families. If every other parent wants a “quick 5 minutes” there goes the whole hour that should have been dedicated to quick greetings, parents and kids walking around the room together and kids learning some of their new classmates names.
Again, Open House is not for mini-conferences.

.....

Got it. I'll make sure to avoid talking to my kid's teacher at Open House next week then. Didn't realize this was the attitude teachers had toward it. I thought the quick 1:1 interactions at Open House was a feature, not a bug of the event. But I guess not.

You live and you learn.

No, one on one discussions is definitely not a feature of the open house. I'm not a teacher, just a parent who gets so incredibly annoyed by parents like you. Last year my child literally didn't even get to introduce herself to her 5th grade teacher because of "just five minutes" parents like you.
hopefully now that you know better, you'll do better in the future.

Yeah, like I said, definitely won’t talk to the teacher this year. If she strikes up a conversation with me I’ll let her know it’s not allowed….

[Anonymous]

Please don’t say anything at the Open House. It’s not that we don’t want the information, it’s that other parents could overhear. This happened once a few years ago and that parent was a gossip. Just mention you will be emailing them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all of the responses. I’ll send a note before the open house (hopefully if they release the info beforehand) and also inquire about a 504 meeting. I won’t discuss it during open house because I also don’t want my kid to overhear and get embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

MCPS admin here - please email your school's principal and counselor. Ask to have a quick 20 - 30min. meeting next week with your child's new teacher - even if it's just over the phone or Zoom. If a meeting isn't possible, at least send an email. The new teacher will appreciate the heads up and any background that you're able to provide.

Parents, please do not bring things like this up at Open House. The teachers are trying to greet all of their new students and don't have the time to give this matter the attention that it deserves.

[Anonymous]

Not open house. Email teacher, copy principal, and possibly counselor. When I get to know my students, someone always stands out as "woah...something's up." Having a heads up makes a world of difference. And even without a 504 they'll know to keep an extra eye out and maybe sit them closer. If the teacher does need to approach you with concerns, they already know you are aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

There are always chatty Cathy's monopolizing teachers time during those things. And it's a private matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Another teacher begging you not to do this. I would be polite and you would leave thinking it was fine, but it’s not.

An email is a million times better. OP’s idea is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New to MCPS this year. My ES kid (3rd grade) is a great kid, but they are highly highly anxious and struggle with big emotions. We are working on it in therapy and kid is scheduled for a full neuropsych later this year in case it’s something more than just anxiety (we have family with adhd and with autism). Right now we don’t have a diagnosis to do a 504. Kid is pretty good at calming themselves down if they can find a quiet spot alone for a few minutes. I’m worried without a 504 they won’t be able to do so.

I’m thinking about emailing the teacher (once we get the assignments) and giving a heads up about this and asking for accommodation if kid has a breakdown. Will I be perceived as the crazy overbearing Karen mom for doing this or would the teacher appreciate the heads up? My own anxious self is worried for my kid.

Are you planning on going to your school's open house? You can bring it up in person when you meet her then.

Please don’t bring it up at Open House. We (teachers) are not there to have 25 individual mini conferences with everyone. I’m sorry if this sounds rude but it is true.

Yes, OP, share the information early. That can be an email or with a hand written note delivered at Open House (“ I know you are busy and this isn’t the appropriate time but there’s some background information I wanted to share. My email is at the bottom if you have any questions or want to talk further.”)
Good luck!

I wasn't suggesting a long, drawn out conversation about it. Just a quick mention: "Hey, just a heads up that we're currently looking at having a full neuropsych done for our kid and we don't have a 504 in place yet, but just wanted to alert you that they're challenged with anxiety and emotional management from time to time." Something like that would take 5 minutes or less, which I've not had any problems doing in the past at Open Houses....

But I think your suggestion of passing the note at the Open House also works.

Right, 5 minutes for you. You are one of 25ish families. If every other parent wants a “quick 5 minutes” there goes the whole hour that should have been dedicated to quick greetings, parents and kids walking around the room together and kids learning some of their new classmates names.
Again, Open House is not for mini-conferences.

.....

Got it. I'll make sure to avoid talking to my kid's teacher at Open House next week then. Didn't realize this was the attitude teachers had toward it. I thought the quick 1:1 interactions at Open House was a feature, not a bug of the event. But I guess not.

You live and you learn.

I’m a different teacher responding. My admin specifically tells us to deflect / avoid these conversations because we can’t accommodate 5 minutes per family at Open House. It’s really hard to do, and I leave the awkward encounter feeling very rude. I want to show I care, but I don’t have the time!

Honestly, I’m also overwhelmed at Open House and I’m going to forget the conversation. I’d much rather receive an email. I receive 2-3 each year before the year begins, and they actually help me plan. (Where should a particular student sit, what extra supports should I prep, etc.)