Those who used a donor egg and/or older mothers, are you happy with decision?

[Anonymous]

No regrets. I had my baby with a DE at 44, and am pregnant again and will have our second child at 45. I have a lot of motivation to take really good care of myself and I feel great. Couldn't be happier with our sweet 12 month old. I did 8 rounds of IVF with my own eggs at 3 different clinics and had many losses. I'm so glad we moved to DE finally. It was an extremely hard decision that felt surreal at the time but we are parents to an amazing kiddo now. While my child feels like mine, I do think about the fact that we used an egg donor, and I think about the donor from time to time. It's part of our story.

[Anonymous]

I did IVF for both my kids at 42, 43 and are planning again for the third at 45 with the drs consent and health check. I don't regret it. My energy levels were low with my first but with my second I've been exercising and eating healthy ever since. I think not having so much extra weight gave me more energy. Also sleeping 8 hrs is crucial but i know its hard.

[Anonymous]

We went through years of unsuccessful attempts until we decided to pursue DE. I had our daughter at 41. She’s now 16 months and the best thing we ever did. We wish we had made the decision sooner. It’s ironic how much she is like me and I, at times, think about her generous donor. It is our story.

I had an easy pregnancy throughout. No issues at all. None. My doctor has cleared me to start again if we want to pursue more.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit sad reading these comments because I don't think that I realized that I could be successful with IVF after 40 -- if I'd realized it I might have tried. Go for it, OP.

[Anonymous]

I had mine me at 41 and 43. I am 61 and just dropped the youngest off at college. I would not change a thing. Go for it!

[Anonymous]

I had DE twins when I was 43. No regrets - I love them so much and often forget that they aren’t biologically related to me. Sometimes I do feel sad that there is not that genetic link and that they don’t look like me but I wouldn’t have made a different decision to pursue DE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, no, I wouldn't risk my life (which is what it is every time we give birth) to give birth to a child that is not mine genetically. I'm 38 and IVF sucks I already know that if it doesn't work I'm stopping before 40.

OP is asking for experiences, not your opinion.

Not PP but this is a self selecting question- those who think they're too old or would want the genetic link or whatever other holdup tend to not have experiences as they likely didn't persue it, while others in which those concerns don't matter are more likely to persue it and be happy.

[Anonymous]

Adoption and great full mine will not get my health issues. Zero regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, no, I wouldn't risk my life (which is what it is every time we give birth) to give birth to a child that is not mine genetically. I'm 38 and IVF sucks I already know that if it doesn't work I'm stopping before 40.

OP is asking for experiences, not your opinion.

Not PP but this is a self selecting question- those who think they're too old or would want the genetic link or whatever other holdup tend to not have experiences as they likely didn't persue it, while others in which those concerns don't matter are more likely to persue it and be happy.

Very true. But maybe OP just wants to hear some good stories to help her make this difficult decision. I would have found these posts very helpful once I decided to move forward with DE, but didn't have my baby yet. But I've never heard of anyone regretting having a DE baby, although I'm sure there's someone out there who does.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 38, 40, and 45 (surprise).
First two were ivf third was natural. No donor egg so can’t speak to that.

Am I tired? Hell yes! Kids are insane amounts of work. The mental load is huge you never have time for yourself. And we got so spoiled in our thirties sleeping and eating and basically doing whatever whenever we wanted. So yes, it’s a big lifestyle adjustment (not to mention financial hit!)

But our lives feel infinitely more meaningful to us now, and we wouldn’t trade them for more freedom or resources. We had our fun in our thirties, so we were ready to buckle up in a minivan, give up our city life, and head to an exurb chick FIL a for our little ones’ joy (man I’m sick of that place.)

Can you do it? Of course. Many of our grandparents had 5-7 kids well into their forties. Do you want to do it? Only you can decide that. The special needs forum is certainly sobering, but life is full of risks. Toughest job you’ll ever love.

[Anonymous]

Had my twins from DE, delivered a few days shy of my 45th birthday and they are 12 now.

The donor egg element is something I almost never think about anymore - though it was huge for me during the process, and in the first few years. Now it's just part of their story and rarely even comes up. One of my kids is eager to reach out and connect w/ the donor and half-siblings (if possible) when she turns 18. When that comes up I have to wrestle w/ my feelings a bit, so that may be hard when it happens, but I'll deal with it.

They are shockingly like me in so many ways it seems bizarre to remind myself that they are genetically so different.

My age was not a factor in the pregnancy - I had a straightforward pregnancy, carried to term, managed c-section, and very easy recovery from surgery. The age thing troubles me more as they (and I) get older. Since they were born I watched both of my parents decline rapidly and die - which took a TON of my time and energy to support. I was in my 50's when that was happening but my kids will probably only be in their 30's when they're faced with the same stress - and I find that very sobering. I know how hard it was, and I will hate to put them through that early in life.

That said, my kids are growing up w/ tremendous privilege - a full time nanny, travelling the world, lots of lessons/extra-curriculars, will have college fully paid, etc... My husband and I are both savers and were in excellent financial shape when we had kids, so while we may not be around for them in mid-life, they will start adulthood without debt and may come into money early enough to really help w/ buying a home, supporting a family, etc...

So it's all tradeoffs. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. Do I wish I were 10 years younger? Absolutely. But if I were, I'd have had different kids. So the woulda/coulda/shouldas aren't really of much use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had my twins from DE, delivered a few days shy of my 45th birthday and they are 12 now.

The donor egg element is something I almost never think about anymore - though it was huge for me during the process, and in the first few years. Now it's just part of their story and rarely even comes up. One of my kids is eager to reach out and connect w/ the donor and half-siblings (if possible) when she turns 18. When that comes up I have to wrestle w/ my feelings a bit, so that may be hard when it happens, but I'll deal with it.

They are shockingly like me in so many ways it seems bizarre to remind myself that they are genetically so different.

My age was not a factor in the pregnancy - I had a straightforward pregnancy, carried to term, managed c-section, and very easy recovery from surgery. The age thing troubles me more as they (and I) get older. Since they were born I watched both of my parents decline rapidly and die - which took a TON of my time and energy to support. I was in my 50's when that was happening but my kids will probably only be in their 30's when they're faced with the same stress - and I find that very sobering. I know how hard it was, and I will hate to put them through that early in life.

That said, my kids are growing up w/ tremendous privilege - a full time nanny, travelling the world, lots of lessons/extra-curriculars, will have college fully paid, etc... My husband and I are both savers and were in excellent financial shape when we had kids, so while we may not be around for them in mid-life, they will start adulthood without debt and may come into money early enough to really help w/ buying a home, supporting a family, etc...

So it's all tradeoffs. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. Do I wish I were 10 years younger? Absolutely. But if I were, I'd have had different kids. So the woulda/coulda/shouldas aren't really of much use.

NP with similar experiences to this PP. Our child is DE. Initially I wanted a donor that had physical characteristics in common with me, among other things. With two fresh and one frozen failed cycles behind us, the physical resemblance criterion dropped to the bottom of the chart. As it turns out, the donor in our successful cycle has a physical resemblance to DH but more importantly she had a successful track record and my (heretofore unknown) genetic clotting issue was successfully treated with a lovenox regime. All this is by way of saying to OP that perhaps you will think about the genetic element at some points and that's ok. DC is 13 now and I barely think about the DE element.

Like PP, my age was not a factor in the pregnancy other than a planned c-section. Fortunately, very easy recovery from surgery too.

Like PP, we were (and remain) in strong financial shape and expect DC will have a cushion.

Like PP said, it's all tradeoffs. Do I wish I were 10 years younger? You bet I do. Did DH and I go overboard in due diligence on donors? Did we take too long? In retrospect, yes, and OP if DE is the route you go that's the best advice I can offer. Enroll at the best clinic that's convenient to where you live and zero in on the first (and hopefully the last) donor with reasonable diligence. And then go for it.

[Anonymous]

I had my children naturally at and over 40. Super happy! They are amazing and I feel blessed. Got pregnant immediately both times.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 female friends (in their mid 40's) who used donor eggs and it's crazy how much their babies look like them.

[Anonymous]

My DH was born (in 1965, so no tech) when his mother was 42. He is now 57 and she is 99. 🙂