Wife is depressed about not being able to conceive quickly….how to help her manage

[Anonymous]

Google sperm meets egg method. Worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I are TTC for kid #2. With our first child, she got pregnant the second month of trying. We’ve now been trying for three months, and no pregnancy. She’s been getting very frustrated and anxious about how it’s been going, and while I keep reminding her that it often takes at least 6 months at her age (34), she’s very worried that it will never happen. She’s been saying things like “should we see a fertility specialist now?” “Should we start looking into adoption agencies?” “What if I can never get pregnant?”

I’m definitely a bit frustrated as well, but I figured that it wouldn’t be quite as easy this time around as the first. I see her starting to spiral now, and I worry that if another month or two goes by and she’s still not pregnant, she’ll go into a darker place. Any tips for how to manage this?

The advice is to wait 6 months and then get a workup. I'd suggest that you guys schedule a meeting with a fertility specialist at the 6 month mark, and cancel it if you get pregnant before then. But from a woman struggling to TTC #2 right now, DH had the same attitude (you're getting older, maybe if you lost some weight, basically it's definitely the wife's fault) and when we went to the fertility specialist we learned he had extremely low sperm count. So maybe try some humble pie before deciding her age is the determining factor, bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she using a cycle tracking app, and testing for her LH peak, cervical mucus, possibly basal temperature? The first two used in tandem worked well for me when conceiving #2 (without the app, because back then there weren't any, but with an app it's even easier). Some examples of Apps: Premom, Proov, Flo. I'm sure there are others.

OP here: She uses an app to track her cycles, not sure which one though. I'll suggest testing for the LH peak, and basal temperature.


I guess i'm looking for advice on how to approach this from an emotional standpoint rather than a practical one. I know my wife, and I can throw all the science and data about fertility at her, and she'll still be upset that we're not able to concieve as quickly as before.

New poster here and I think you're missing that if she tracks her ovulation with test strips and other methods (cervical mucous, basal temperature), she will have a MUCH better chance of conceiving. Tracking all of it takes a good amount of attention, and she'll be occupied.
You need to read up on it, sit down with her, and be a more involved father, OP. Maybe part of her stress is that she feels all the burden is on her. If you show her you've read up on all the new ways to help conception, maybe she'll be less worried.

Also, show her all the data that stress reduces fertility. She has to relax if she wants that baby

Wow, I mean, you're not WRONG, but OP is asking for how to emotionally support his wife who is emotionally struggling. Your response is essentially to tell her that the stress she cannot control is what is responsible for not being pregnant, and also to tell OP, who came to this usually supportive board seeking support, that he needs to be a better father and partner?

If someone had approached me that way when I was struggling to conceive my second child, I would've been crushed and that person would no longer be a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Google sperm meets egg method. Worked for us.

Isn’t that just sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Google sperm meets egg method. Worked for us.

Isn’t that just sex?

Yep, just put the d in the v and sperm meets egg.

[Anonymous]

Sperm meets egg advises sex only every other day leading up to ovulation. That is outdated advice based on optimizing for men with suboptimal sperm count. There’s no reason to apply that conservative approach to all couples where the man has normal sperm. Most couples should have sex every single day for the 5 day period leading up to and including ovulation.

[Anonymous]

Fill’er up on the regular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it would help her to see her regular oB/gyn. At 34 unless there is a known issue they rarely recommend any kind of intervention before a year of trying. Her doctor may be able to put her mind at ease in that regard.

Agree; three months is nothing. She is worrying too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sperm meets egg advises sex only every other day leading up to ovulation. That is outdated advice based on optimizing for men with suboptimal sperm count. There’s no reason to apply that conservative approach to all couples where the man has normal sperm. Most couples should have sex every single day for the 5 day period leading up to and including ovulation.

Yes, this. And if she is so worried, there is tons of advice on small preps to increase chnaces, like full hydration, vitamins, some exercise but not to much, relaxation exercises (yoga is great!), pre-seed, time of day. And 2X on those days can only help.

[Anonymous]

She needs to be tracking and testing for ovulation so you guys can time it right. If you’re like most of us, your frequency of inter course may have declined after having a baby, and you may not be having sex at the right times. So suggest that to her first.

And also schedule an appointment with an RE for 3 months from now and when you get there, you can say you’ve been trying for 6 months, etc. Or tell them a year if you want - they don’t make you sign a sworn statement. And then you can get a work up for you both.

The “trying for x amount of time” thing doesn’t take into account modern ovulation tracking. If she’s peeing on sticks twice daily for 3 months, and they show she ovulated, and you had sex 2 to 3 times in the right window, and still nothing - you’ll want a work up.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it would help her to see her regular oB/gyn. At 34 unless there is a known issue they rarely recommend any kind of intervention before a year of trying. Her doctor may be able to put her mind at ease in that regard.

Agree; three months is nothing. She is worrying too much.

When tracking ovulation and timing everything, many people do get pregnant within 3 months.

I would definitely get an appointment 3 months from now just to get some basic things checked out if needed.