Anyone’s marriage bounced back from serious divorce talk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Kids are hard. This is an extremely common time for divorce thoughts. If you work together and make serious tradeoffs about how to care for your kids, careers, etc, you can pull through. Divorce cures a bad marriage, not a hard life.

What kind of trade offs do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did, similar situation (no cheating or anything) but we just weren't making each other happy. Kids were 9 and 6 at the time. We had a lot of conversations about what we each felt would help and managed to work things out. Hope you're able to do the same, OP.

Same here. It was a lot of work though to identify what we needed to do to be happy and some of that involved prioritizing us over the kids. Also it meant making changes on how we spent money - we were always worrying about a rainy day and not having fun in the here and now so we had to figure out a balance.

[Anonymous]

Yes we had a lot of extenuating circumstances and completely disconnected which led to N emotional affair. Separated, got lawyers involved, saw how it messed up the kids. Dated each other again, realized we never stopped loving each other we just got smacked down by life, realized what we had to lose, tried some counseling and decided to overcome our childhood traumas and learn to communicate and be emotionally connected in ways we had never done before. Got back together and had one more baby and we are very loving and appreciative of what each other brings to the table and let the small stuff slide.

[Anonymous]

You can't put that toothpaste back in the tube.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we had a lot of extenuating circumstances and completely disconnected which led to N emotional affair. Separated, got lawyers involved, saw how it messed up the kids. Dated each other again, realized we never stopped loving each other we just got smacked down by life, realized what we had to lose, tried some counseling and decided to overcome our childhood traumas and learn to communicate and be emotionally connected in ways we had never done before. Got back together and had one more baby and we are very loving and appreciative of what each other brings to the table and let the small stuff slide.

This is so beautiful! I’m really happy for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we had a lot of extenuating circumstances and completely disconnected which led to N emotional affair. Separated, got lawyers involved, saw how it messed up the kids. Dated each other again, realized we never stopped loving each other we just got smacked down by life, realized what we had to lose, tried some counseling and decided to overcome our childhood traumas and learn to communicate and be emotionally connected in ways we had never done before. Got back together and had one more baby and we are very loving and appreciative of what each other brings to the table and let the small stuff slide.

I'm happy for you. We're dealing with an emotional affair and lack of overall intimacy, and I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But we have a child and we genuinely care for each other. I just feel as though it may never be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we had a lot of extenuating circumstances and completely disconnected which led to N emotional affair. Separated, got lawyers involved, saw how it messed up the kids. Dated each other again, realized we never stopped loving each other we just got smacked down by life, realized what we had to lose, tried some counseling and decided to overcome our childhood traumas and learn to communicate and be emotionally connected in ways we had never done before. Got back together and had one more baby and we are very loving and appreciative of what each other brings to the table and let the small stuff slide.

I'm happy for you. We're dealing with an emotional affair and lack of overall intimacy, and I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But we have a child and we genuinely care for each other. I just feel as though it may never be enough.

I’m so sorry. The first year can be absolute hell. Try to keep talking it through and focusing on any ways that you can reconnect. The very first spark for us was going on a preschool field trip with our preschool daughter together even though we were separated. Look your best, be kind and thankful, and things can improve from there slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we had a lot of extenuating circumstances and completely disconnected which led to N emotional affair. Separated, got lawyers involved, saw how it messed up the kids. Dated each other again, realized we never stopped loving each other we just got smacked down by life, realized what we had to lose, tried some counseling and decided to overcome our childhood traumas and learn to communicate and be emotionally connected in ways we had never done before. Got back together and had one more baby and we are very loving and appreciative of what each other brings to the table and let the small stuff slide.

This is so beautiful! I’m really happy for you!

+1 We’re in the thick of being smacked down by some extraordinarily difficult circumstances. I see how affairs of all kinds happen. I am so happy you all came out of that chapter in this way. I’m hoping for the same (except for the one more baby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Kids are hard. This is an extremely common time for divorce thoughts. If you work together and make serious tradeoffs about how to care for your kids, careers, etc, you can pull through. Divorce cures a bad marriage, not a hard life.

What kind of trade offs do you mean?

You can't both work at your dream job, and both live near your families, and both be stay-at-home parents, for starters.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Yes. Been disconnected for some time, and a lot of really hard things with our teens. He had an affair. I wanted to separate but decided to try to work it out as he was adamant he’d do the work. We have come a long way and I’m hopeful for our soon to be empty nest life together.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for asking the question responses have been interesting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. And in hindsight I wish that I had just ended it then.

So true

Me too. Turns out it was a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we did.

I was the one who at various points wanted a divorce. I always loved my husband, that was never the issue. And, we’re very physically connected.

But, I really struggled with how shut down he was emotionally and the ways his ADHD made my life and parenting harder.

We did A LOT of Gottman therapy and I’ve also done a lot of individual therapy. He worked on being more emotionally available, and being more involved on all fronts. I would say our lives are 95% better. I think he would agree.

I’m watching friends divorce and I totally get it but I’m glad we stayed together.